I have just posted on the prayer site. I am scared at the moment as although I truly believe in God, I am worried that he won't work on my husband's heart and soften it towards me. I am standing for my marriage. My husband walked out on me 12 weeks ago. He has lied continuously and I am convinced that he is having a midlife crisis. I found him 11 days ago, and ha is living with another woman.

He has sworn on our childrens life for 12 weeks that this isn't the case. Obviously he was more angry than normal I suppose and yesterday I received a letter from a solicitor that he intends to divorce me. I can hold this up for 5 years as Iam hoping that he realises that he has made a terrible mistake and will come to his senses.

I am so sad and I have written a long letter to his solicitor that I will post tomorrow to him explaining why I am waiting for reconciliation. Could my course of action anger my husband more?

thisso

Hi thisso,

Sorry to hear that. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> I can say, I understand the pain you're in. Are you new here?

You are making a wise decision in writing that
letter, expressing how you feel. Even if he
doesn't respond in a matter you may want, just
keep letting him know how you feel. Just try
to do it without LB's, and harrassment. Let him know, in your way, that at this point he may want a divorce, but you do not feel the same. It's too soon, only been 12-weeks.

Have you read all the concepts here at MB.
Emotional Needs article, Plan A/B, POJA,
Love Busters and others?

Sent with Love, Ladysheep

hi ladysheep,

yes, that was my first post. i'm in the uk, and i'm a christian, who has recommitted her life to God, just today !!

I think God knows that i've done it because i'm scared, but i also think that he had to get me to a scared place so that i would recommit to him. my children, who are all grown, are beginning to think that i am starting to 'lose the plot'. a common expression here in england for going mad !!

i want to contact my husband so much. i don't because i'm led to believe that this is the wrong thing to do, but knowing that he lives with someong else who has a 2 year old child is killing me. we have a beautiful 15 month old grand daughter who my husband was devoted to, and our daughter is distraught at the fact that he is sharing his life with a child that is nothing to do with him, over us.

please pray for us. thisso

thisso,

I too think it is a good idea for you to send the letter. Again as ladysheep pointed out... please don't make the same mistake I did over and over again and include LB after LB in it to try and make him face reality.

I know the pain you are feeling as my husband also denied any affair until I confronted him with the evidence and he could no longer deny it.

We also have a granddaughter that he absolutely adored and she did him as well and he completely dropped her from his life as well as me.

We can't rationalize their thought processes, and I have given up even trying to. The "Fog" is a very powerful thing I have discovered and there is nothing we as a BS can do to make them come out of it until they are ready, if ever.

Stay strong and as ladysheep suggested, read everything you can on this site, and take care of you. Your health... mental and physical are the most important things for you to consider right now.

Good Luck, I will include you in my prayers. And keep posting, it helps as I am just now discovering. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<small>[ August 10, 2003, 03:15 PM: Message edited by: One_Day_At_A_Time ]</small>

Hi Thisso,
You are getting great advice...no advice here just a cyber hug <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> {{{{{{{{{{{{{Thisso}}}}}}}}}}}}} and a prayer.... this is so hard....lean on God.. All things are possible with God..

FRANK

Hello Thisso,

I am an American living in England with my English husband. Can I give you a bit of advice. Though I am not 100% to speed on English law regarding divorce I would suggest to you NOT to send the letter to his solicitor. It could be used against you in the divorce decree. If you need to might I suggest send the letter to you Husband. Can you explain to me why you think you could drag the divorce out for five years?

I am so sorry this is occuring. I know it must be such a shock to you. My heart breaks with each new person who joins. But can I suggest to you that since he has hired a lawyer you might want to consult with one yourself. It always pays to be informed with what rights you have.

Here is a link to find a solicitor in your area:

http://www.lawsociety.org.uk/

Cheers,
Moi

dear moi,

Too late I have already sent the letter. I have sent it to his solicitor ecause I'm absolutely sure that she will no nothing of the actual situation.

There are two pople in my marriage and one of us is lying through their back teeth. I needed to say that my husband has given me mied signals for 12 weeks. He has kissed me, told me our marriage is not over, did not want a divorce etc. He has been seeing me every week, we have gone swimming ad a game of golf. NOT the actions of someone who is completely sane.

The ime he gets nasty is when I ask a simple question. No, I needed to gt my side of the story across. I can hold up a divorce for 5 years, so I'm told by the citizens advice bureaux, because I don't agree to it at all. That seems to be enough. I do have strong professional advice that confirms that the doctor and a counsellor thinks my husband is in full lown mid life crisis. thisso

Hi thisso,

Glad you wrote him a letter. This is not going to be easy for you, but we are all here to support you. I hope he snaps out of his mid-life crisis or whatever it is quickly. Keep
holding on. Did you read the welcome page?
And also Emotional Needs article, as well as
POJA, and about Plan A? These will also help
you better deal with your husband through
this crisis.

Sent with Love, Ladysheep

Oooops? Lady? Did you mean to post on your H's nick .. LOL!

Dimaonzzz

Sorry thisso, I was logged in under H name.

Ladysheep