This is probably so stupid, but I need to get some input.<BR>Went to Plan B on Mond. Had a backslide on Wed, but am back on it. We had a convesation (a very ugly one) on Wednesday. I told him that if he didn't want to he a husband and a father, that he needed to get the rest of the things he wanted out of the house (which he did do today) and that he needs to make a schedule for visitations with our daughter. I told him that he had no reason to call me, and visa versa.<BR>He has left several messages the last two days, claiming that he wants to talk to our daughter ( she's 2- not much of a conversationalist!). <BR>I also told him that we would not be available this weekend, so he would not be able to see her.<BR>Why is he really calling and leaving messages (the messages have been very abrasive and short)? <BR>I am feeling that if he is so interested in her daily life, that he should come home where he belongs. I am not feeling any obligation to call him back at this point. <BR>Should I call him, because of our daughter. I just don't know. Even if we do get divorced (which is what he wants), we still are her parents and need to communicate.<BR>Any advise is appreciated.<P>Thanks,<BR>Cheryl

Ceecee:<P>Your H is probably very angry that you went into Plan B. He probably feels like you are trying to control him. I'm sure he liked having his cake and eating it too and you just squashed that idea.<P>I wouldn't push too hard about getting his things out of the house. Remember, that you are trying to convey to him that your home is a safe and loving environment. You want to make it appetizing to him for when the affair does end. I unfortunately didn't do that at times--it's really hard.<P>I wouldn't call him. You can have the necessary contact regarding your daughter through the 3rd party, messages and notes. There's no reason to have direct contact with him unless there is an emergency involving your daughter<P>Plan B should not be used as punishment to him, it is to protect you, your daughter and you love for him. He can only view it as punishment at this point.<P>Good luck. I have learned a lot along the way and wished I followed my own advice at times.<P>jackie

P.S. You might want to consult an attorney to see how to protect yourself. If you can do this w/o H knowing that would be best. He is still responsible to supporting you, your daughter and the household--that is a legal obligation. There's no getting around it.

Jackie-<BR>thanks for your reply.<BR>Unfortunately, all of his things are gone. I know that I am probably really out of luck here, and I'm not sure what to do.<BR>If I call him, does that make me weak. If I don't, does that make me a B****.<BR>I am so confused. I just want this whole thing to go away. I do not want a divorce, but I am really losing hope.<P>cheryl

Hi, Cheryl. I just wanted you to know that , in the mist of this crisis at home, I'm still thinking about you. I can't do much tonite, tho. I'll pray for both of us.<P>Love.<P>Lori

Cheryl,<BR> Don't know myself what he is up to. I suppose he is trying to take some control of this situation, he probably doesn't like that you have told him where to go. Keep it up. At least he is calling again.<BR>I wouldn't call him right now. You told him what your plans were going to be. He didn't seem to care this much a few days ago. Call him and let Emma talk to him when you get home on Tuesday. He left Emma remember. <P><BR>Jill<BR>

Sounds kinda like us on this end. H has called wants to know how our son is. The way I look at it is this...<P>No matter how hard this is on anyone, we can not keep our children from their dads. However, they not only walked out on us but their kids too. That is hard to take. Most of these guys were not too unhappy in marriage, something just came along to peak their interest. Now they are confused. That is not our problem, it is theirs. We are just the ones suffering. In addition, since they walked out on their families they have no right to the day-to-day details. If the child is old enough to communicate those details that is great. It is not our duty to suffer more by keeping the one who walked out informed. They need to know what it is they will miss if they indeed stay gone. <P>That is the idea of plan B - my H is getting the picture not to call. I don't want to know what he is doing every day... unless he comes home. It is none of his business what we do everyday. He made that choice. They can not have their cake and eat it too! Remember that. <P>One that note - just remember when you do have to talk to him... Don't love bust! <P>Chin-up <P>------------------<BR>H

Dear CC-<P>He probably doesn't like the fact that you are taking control over the influences in your life. You have that right entirely.<P>I think you've been given some very good advice here. Use it.<P>Forget thinking about him, think about you and your little one. Don't return his calls. Tell him not to call your house, and if he thinks he needs to talk to the little one, then he should put that in a defined visitation plan:<P>example:<P>Visits on Monday and Wednesday, overnight on Saturday. Telephone contact at 6:45 to 7:00 P.M. Tuesday, and Sundays. <P>Third party designated to relay messages for unforseens.<P>Morality clause, no bringing OW around daughter. <P>No contact with you whatsoever.<P>I think this is the best way to keep you from thinking about him, and what he is up to. Avoid all contact at all costs. You need to work on you right now.<P>God Bless.

I am so confused in my situation that I don't know if I can really be of help for you. But, I wouldn't call him. If you have to have any contact with him, just be sweet and nice. Sometimes, I have trouble following my own advice. It's so hard sometimes.<P>I'm thinking of you and if you need to talk or have any other questions about my experiences with Plan B, just ask.