Hi all, I posted this message in the EN section and while I got a few helpful replies I need more:) Any insight and suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Is it possible to go back and start over?

I know I need a big MB 2x4 over the head, wish someone had hit me with one back in December before I made everything worse than it already was. It has taken me almost 8 months to realize that I have and continue to do everything wrong in regards to my WS.

My question is… is it ever too late to go back and start over after you have handled things wrong… time and time again?

I thought I was doing plan A, then I thought I had moved into Plan B. But I never sent a Plan B letter, only just stopped contact. It hasn’t seemed to bother him at all. It just didn’t seem logical, at the time anyway, to send a plan B letter to someone who didn’t appear to want to hear from you anyway.

The letters I did send and the talks we have had were filled with LB’s. Yes I told him I still love him, and that I wanted the chance to make our marriage work and to be the wife he needed me to be. I admitted my mistakes that I know let to the downfall of our marriage and have vowed to not repeat them.

But I did all this with LB’s before and after every statement… I see this now. And talk about sounding desperate? When I look back now, I must have looked like a beaten puppy begging my master for just one ounce of kindness all the while still doing all the things that led to the beatings in the first place. Not that it excuses his behavior towards me, just that I see now how I did everything wrong, wrong, and more wrong.

Until now I just could never accept that there was absolutely nothing I could do to make him come out of the “fog” and that I can’t change him or the way he feels. I can only change me, and while I have examined and reexamined all my shortcomings and am honestly making a sincere effort to change myself for the better, I see now that I haven’t changed anything for the positive in regards to my handling of my marriage problems.

So please help me wise MB vets… do you think it is possible to go back after 8 months of mistake after mistake and try to implement a good Plan A with no lovebusters? And if so how exactly would I go about it since we have been separated since December and we haven’t even seen each other since February. There has been absolutely no contact between us since the beginning of June except for the support check he mails me once a month. (we have no children together, but do have 6 between us, my 3 of which he has also cut completely from his life, including my 2 year old granddaughter which he absolutely adored until his affair started).

I do know for a fact that he is not seeing the original OW but am not sure if there isn’t someone new now. Is there anything I can do or is damage already done irreversible? I welcome any and all comments and suggestions.

<small>[ August 13, 2003, 05:34 AM: Message edited by: One_Day_At_A_Time ]</small>

One_day_at_a_time-

Well, I've been hanging around these boards for a long time now and my short answer would be that NO, it's not too late to implement a more effective Plan A, even after 8 months. In the grand scheme of things, you're still pretty early on in the process IMO if it's been less than a year since D Day.

Plan A and B are really designed to do two things: (1) Give your M the best chance of surviving a A (2) Give you, the person implementing the plan, the tools you need to live a happy and fulfilling life regardless of how your marriage turns out. The "making you whole again" is a very important part of the process so spend some time reflecting on it. Good luck to your family!

<small>[ August 13, 2003, 09:07 AM: Message edited by: litchfield ]</small>

It's not too late!

I started my plan A, so to speak, AFTER my divorce was final. Didn't find MB until very late in my A. When I read first here about an affair, it was like I was reading something just about me. (the fog, etc)

I'm seeing signs of progress now, a year later after starting plan A.

It's not impossible at all, if you have faith and hope AND if you're very, very patient.

Keep us posted,

H_P

Hopeful Person, that's awesome! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

One Day... I'm sorry but I did not read your whole post. I have a horrible, horrible headache right now and am about to leave, but I saw your headline and wanted to also say, "It's never too late", not with Christ. I am really not familiar with the Plans because there was no adultery in my marriage/divorce, so I am only speaking to say that Christ can do "immeasureably more than we hope for or imagine."

I hope it's never too late. I'm in the final meeting with a mediator and this should be over in the next 2 weeks. After that I'm going to pray and try my hardest to "fix" my issues and move forward.
I'll always have hope that I change and that my wife will want me in her life and she will want all of us to be one.
I agree with LoveMyEx b/c there isn't any infidelity. Since there wasn't maybe that will give us a quicker recovery? I'm not sold on Plan A or Plan B. I'm just going to get some feedback from familly and friends on their takes of what went wrong and go from there. I'm going to be the best father money can buy, which I've always been, and I'm going to slowly but surely become the person I've always should of been.
Nonetheless, I'll always be willing waiting for my Ex to come back.
I swear on my life I will be back with my wife. I will raise my two small children with her b/c that's the way it's supposed to be. This entire mess is my fault and I take full responsiblity. I made this bed now I have to lay in it. But, my wife has already promised me that we can have one dinner after this to really see what went wrong and what her goals and wishes are. I'm going to get some good insight into what she thinks is the "ideal" husband. Once I know the things that she really wants, I'm going to implement them anytime I'm around her.
She did once promise me that we would start "dating" again after the dust is all settled. She still says that's possible but she can't gurantee that. I don't blame her.
But everybody with children should always have FAITH, HOPE, and LOVE. That's what I'm striving for everyday.
I'm going to be strong so you guys have to do!!!!

GOOD LUCK and please post with any comments or anything that can help me stay strong.