Hey folks.

Just got back from St. Simon's Island and planning state convention. Things have been financially really tight but good since NC with JEthro for about 2 mos. now.

And guess what....???

Things aren't so great in the love shack with Family Values...

Got a call from her ironically 2 weeks ago tonight at 11 pm. She had left Jethro. He was apparently leaving her all night with her child and mine and staying out partying (hmmmm. sounds familiar?). Well she's had enough. She packed up her stuff (remember, she's not supposed to be spending the night ok in front of my son and that's another violation of agreement), calls her dad to come over and watch my son and her dad comes over to my former dreamhome and calls Jethro saying "Get your @ss over here and take care of your son".

We talk for 2 hours, she and I. She is as stupid as a stump basically. He was the first time abusive to her maybe after 3 mos of dating. I asked her what was she thinking dating a married guy? She was clueless. She said that night when he left he told her this (very disrespectful and similar to stuff he always told me)..."You're going to stay here and watch my son because you've got nothing else better to do and that's your f-ing job." Told her it took him 5 1/2 years to get to that point with me and congratulations...it only took 3 months to get to that point with her.

So he's outta control partying. And I've been happy and peaceful with no contact. I noted this and told attorneys and taped the voice mail and told her that she'd one day in the future probably be either a witness or a hostile witness for the time when I take him back to court to take what custody Jethro has with regard to visitation and limit it further. He even told her that she'd be sorry if she called me. On his way out the door, she told him, "I swear I am going to call Peachy if you leave."

She told me she found a stack of emails from he and I spanning about 3 years and that's how she "saw the light" and realized that I was the one telling the truth. She spoke to my Mother-Out-Law and the MOL told her that "Jethro has a problem with the truth" and then Family Values tells me that "he has a brain problem"...She sounds by the way, like a teenage girl who was a reject from the film, "Valley Girl". Not exactly the sharpest tool in the shed.

I told her that I was appreciative of her call and if in the future there is an emergency regarding my child, she may phone me and drop my child off to me. And that I'd log it in and deal with it. She kept saying that she was through with him and went on and on...So much happened. He threw a toy at her and hit her in the head a few days earlier.

She was looking for sympathy or something. I wasn't buying. I was decent and kept my cool. But I was firm. I told her that I would walk through fire for my son and that I was and am still very much upset about her negative behaviors spending the night in front of my son and more. I told her I'd move anybody in my way with regards to my son. Told her that I am not somebody to disregard.

Anyway, son tells me a few days later that she was over at daddy's "taking a nap" so she may have returned for a bit.

But their little shackfest is in its final death throws. Couldn't happen to a stupider couple. Or less moral couple.

And in finding this out, I also learned that he has BEEN CHEATING ON FAMILY VALUES WITH MONKEYHO ALL ALONG. Confirmed that. What a tangled web..Glad I am outta of it.

He still has not paid us this month. And get this new one...His criminal defense attorney is trying to get the prosecutor to lift the bond order(No Contact order) so he can contact me again. The Victim Assistant calls me and tells me this and asks if I told his attorney to call and lift the NC order. I say that he has never phoned me for anything. She can't believe it. She worked in this capacity for 6 years and has never had the perpetrator call and get their attorney to make the prosecutor lift a no contact order. Next, he sends this eally stupid email which is forwarded to my attorney to me. Saying how my not speaking to him is "damaging my son" and whatnot. That I "Must be hurting over the divorce" and that is why I am not speaking or choosing this NC. He just doesn't get it. He broke in my home and did everything to destroy me. I just enjoy the peace and quiet. Will be NC until his legal situation wtih the breaking and entering thing is cleared up. Should be at least another month or so. Thank goodness. Wish it could be forever.

I am pro marriage ok. And I hurt for a long time about what he did and the collapse of my marriage and family as I knew it. But he is so far from working on himself and getting his life together and turning away from all the sin and crap that I have to just keep away. It's best. I don't want to be around him like this whatsoever. I finally have peace. I did all I could do. It's ok.

There are 2 civil judges in this county and one of them died two weeks ago. Heart attack on the treadmill. Thus, the works' been heaped onto the desk of the surviving judge..My judge..Thus the papers are sitting on his desk and may already be signed or not. I may be divorced for real or not. Heck, I don't know. My spiritual divorce has already happened on June 20. It's just basically a piece of paper to me at this point anyway.

I must admit. My sister told me this bit of wisdom. "If you remove yourself from the equation, then his negativity will be displaced to another place in the equation...Displaced to the OW". It is sooo true.

In NC, if you don't do anything, you're not LB'ing or depositing into their account. Thus, the stuff they did wrong in the marriage will be deposited into the affair and it will die its natural death.

Jethro is abusive and outta control with his ego. Family Values said only one true thing to me..."He is obsessed with HIMSELF". And it's so true.

In listening to her, it was as if he cut me out of the picture and glued her into it. (Couldn't glue monkeyho b/c she still lives in TN). And all the stuff he was doing to me when we separated, he's doing to her because he never worked on himself and the real problems which never rested with me in the first place.

Ironically I have gotten peace and finalization over the divorce from her call. I really know it is not anything I did. It is all about him and I am not wanting a life like that one anymore.

New job is great. A 180 from the old one. I am treated with respect and they think I am "a go- getter and (not my words ok) brilliant". The powers that be with the huge medical system/university that I am setting the clinic up with didn't order equipment correctly or get things set up so I am doing everything from the ground up the way things should be done and am personally cutting through the red corporate tape to expedite everything and they can't believe that...it's as if sometimes large corporations/entities are hindered from really working or doing work b/c of the red tape thing.

And get this one...I got asked out. By a guy who moved here from my old hometown and he was a buddy of my college boyfriend. We have same friends. He was never married, just obsessed with his job and success so now he's in his mid 30's looking for Mrs. Right. However, I am not one to really feel like dating just yet and am noway close to being caught by anybody.

My son and I had the most incredible time at the beach this weekend. We stayed in a lovely hotel room and he and I spent wonderful time together just doing nothing. We caught a baby sandshark in the shallows in his bucket and looked at it and released it. It was actually cute. Bought his first fishing pole at the local pier. Learned fishing tips from "old sea salts" who hang out at the bait shop and this girly girl is going to get her boy to become one good fisherman.

Son had his first soccer practice this tuesday. He is so precious. Made some very nice new friends and I met some wonderful moms and famlies. After practice, we went to eat pizza with the coach and his wife and their kids. It is a Christian soccer league and halfway through the practice they have devotional and they even give out materials to help parents find their spiritual life. I am asking for a copy of the book and seeing if attorney can mail it to Jethro.

I am praying for him still. It hurts me that my son has to go to his home to visit for five days with him living this life. Know it will take at least 6 mos. to save up to legally take him on again. But I am logging in everything that is happening and making records.

We are moving in 2 1/2 weeks so this week with son gone I am going to pack alot of stuff up.

Still worried about dinero. But who doesn't when you divorce a man who is living like a rock star?

Ok. That's what's been happening here.

Let me see...Jethro wants the po dropped. And you want to contact him to send a book? This contact does not directly involve s. Now, I understand being concerned about jethro. But, does this not put you in a bad light. If you want to have him stay away from you, shouldn't you not have contact with him?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by justpeachy:
<strong>.....My sister told me this bit of wisdom. "If you remove yourself from the equation, then his negativity will be displaced to another place in the equation...Displaced to the OW". It is sooo true.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Peach,

Good to hear from you. Know listen to your sister and keep yourself in that safe place. Jethro can't read anything right now, his eyesight isn't 20/20, it is foggy/foggy. So the book won't do him any good. Don't waste it now, maybe later you can send it but don't waste time and energy now. He will have to show you he can read with reason.

Otherwise you sound much better.

take care,
L.

Peachy, Good to see you back and glad to hear things are going so well for you. I was wondering how you were doing because I relate to your situation since my WH is a Jethro clone, tho' he'd rather be a rap star than a rock star...

I agree with the others about the book and maintaining NC. I've had those urges myself in the past, but I've gotten over them now. I've heard it referred to in Al-Anon as the "cape syndrome" as in SuperWoman flying in to save the day. Pray for him and then leave him in God's very capable hands.

I had a similar revelation last week about how things turned out the only way they could. My SIL who has a seriously deep-seated resentment against my S(someday)TBXH, staked out his house for a day and saw the MOW go out on a beer run for my STBXH. Apparently she's gained even more weight and looked awful - sad since she's only 24.

Well, I've been the b*&%h who "stole" "his" business from him ever since he and the MOW moved in together in December 2000 and decided they'd rather just spend their time getting high than working and have me support them. I guess it finally dawned on me that my H couldn't have run the business, or continued on in any capacity, even if he'd wanted to. I was a convenient target to blame. Like you said, I realized that was all about him.

Good luck with your move.

Good for you, Peachy! Good for you. I'm so glad to hear of your latest developments and although you are still in pain, you are taking this like a true adult and moving on. And congrats again on your new job! Sounds like you're a 'Mover & Shaker' over there! You go, girl!!
Harold
So sad about your ex-H, I guess it's like watching a plane get hit by a bomb, then slowly begin a nosedive as it crashes and burns. (Sorry, not the best analogy, but the only one I could think of this early in the morning.)

I knew the job would be great. God was looking out for you and son.
Keep focusing on your future and vision and all will work out.
I'm moving in the same time frame into my new home. YEAH. Buying it all by myself. Tons of work to do, but my divorce support group is good at painting parties. I'll be packing over the next 2 1/2 weeks,so I'll be thinking of you.

Stay strong.

Way to go Peachy...I was wondering where you were!

It is hard not to still try to "fix" him, isn't it. I suspect even harder because of the influence he has on your son because of his young age. Lucky for me, my 16 year old sees "the light" in the doings of his father. I think my 20 year old saw them before I did!

I still want to mother my h because of his illness and I did it for so long already. It is hard to let go of. My constant prayer is for his salvation and healing (body, mind, and soul). At this point, I know that is all I can do, PRAY!

Hugs and prayers

oops!

<small>[ August 15, 2003, 04:20 PM: Message edited by: CantLetHimGo ]</small>