Today is a very sad day for me. My attorney called and let me know that the divorce papers will be served next week.

I never in a million years thought this would ever happen.I suppose that none of us do.

But, there simply was no way that this was going to have a happy ending given her drinking and then her infidelitie(s). She refused to give-up drinking, even after re-hab.

I feel like I should let her know now. I have been in Plan B for seven, going on eight weeks.
I wonder if I can lift that now? Or should ?
I almost feel as though I should not. I need to have closure to some extent. I suppose this is the road to hell.
I want to remember what it was like when she was here.To remember, how badly she hurt the boys and me. How, when she was there and talking to OM on the phone and drinking or recovering from a hang-over how upset I would get.I want to remember so I could forget my love for her. But, I cannot.I still love her. And, I suppose I always will. As it should be.
I wish that it had not turned out this way. But, for my protection and our sons, I had no choice.
I will always be grateful to MB and to all who advised me through this torture.
I guess forgiveness will come in time. I want it too. I hope she can forgive me too, for all of the mistakes I made with her.
And I want God to bless her and take care of her. She is in desperate need of His help now.
While we can't have "our" life together, I hope she finds her own life. The real life she should have. She is very smart and talented. And beautiful. And she is letting drink suck the life out of her.Her OM isn't helping either.
What a waste of a good human being and Mother.
Ok......I vented..thanks..needed to get that off my chest.

I am sorry things have come to what they are. But it appears you are ready to let go and move on and if that is the case, you are doing the right thing.

I personally do not think you should let her know that you have filed and the papers will be served to her next week. She will find that out soon enough.

Now you have to concentrate on healing for yourself and your children. I wish you luck!

One-Day-At-A Time :

There seems to be power in letting go. I have read so much about that power. I am prepared to let go.

Thanks for supporting my gut feeling on giving her a "heads -up" on the divorce papers. I just need to move on now.. Lord knows I have tried to get her back into the "fold".

Hi Gregg M:

I read a little about your situation from your "recent posts", so sorry for not being up on it all. I am just coming in on this today.

I am truly sorry for how hard this has been on you, and everyone in your family. I really feel for you, because it is an awful feeling seeing everything slipping away. However, I think (not that I know it all) that you should not be serving her divorce papers. Marriage is supposed to be til death do us part, and that is what it says in God's Word.

I think that your wife is a sick person, just like someone with a terminal disease, or someone that is mentally handicapped. I think that you should love her and be kind to her whenever she will let you (even when she doesn't seem to want to let you.) I understand you need to protect your boys, and I agree that they do not need to be around this kind of stuff, and I agree that she shouldn't be allowed to be around them whenever she is not sober.

You are in my prayers, and I hope that she is in yours, as I am sure the Lord would want her to be.

Letting go is different that giving up. Don't give up on her. She still deserves your love, even though she is not capable of showing you the love that a "healthy" person could show. Leave this up to God and your prayers for her.

I am truly sorry <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Gregg

<small>[ August 15, 2003, 09:33 PM: Message edited by: GreggC ]</small>

Thanks Gregg C

You are right. She is very sick. And needs help desperately. But, she is simply unwilling to deal with any of her respponsibilities.I pray that she does find the help she needs someday. I am have done all that I can. She must realize on her own whar she needs to do.

Too much has happened and she has been destructive to the extreme. Her alcoholism will not permit her to see what shew needs to do.

I hope sshe gets hep for herself. Someday, she may become the very good Mom she once was to her sons.

GreggM you more than re-opened your heart and home for her, to help her heal but she chose alcoholism and her OM over you and the kids, and there is nothing more that you can do about it. Your stbxWW is like mine was just prior to our divorce, in beleiving that she could indulge in her vices while being sure that I and her kids would always be there for her. The problem is that being married to such a toxic person eventually takes its toll on the rest of the family and they too become sick at one point. Who knows, the divorce may precipitate a chain of events where she'll finally have the courage to confront her demons and do something about it to save her life, just like it did with my ex-WW. From somebody who has been where you are, there IS life after divorce and many times a much better one.

TMCM,

As I have said in the past, I owe you big time. As you know all too well (and in your reply, you were right on the money) it is a difficult decision to make. Ultimately, it had to be made, for there was no progress.

Juan Valdez is on his a** to your house. If only he knew where you lived.

Best to you !

Gregg M.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Juan Valdez is on his a** to your house. If only he knew where you lived.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That's ok, just have a cup of java in my honor and that'll be more than enough. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Gregg C, your post touched my heart... it brought tears to my eyes. Your kind, forgiving, and humble words blessed me because it is so clear that the Lord is in your life and heart. You speak as a man who is close to the Lord. BTW, I hope things are going well with you. I have not posted for a few days and am feeling my "time's up" here. I found out my husband is engaged. I am almsot numb. Please pray for me if you remember, Greg. So, I have been seriously praying and fasting and in the Word with very little time or desire, to be honest, to be in here. But I am glad to have read your post tonight. Sometimes I feel so alone in how I feel about God and hope and marriage and divorce.

Greg M,
I know it must be very hard and I also do not know your situation nor am I familiar with the Plans (A and B), so I feel inadequate to advise you. The one thing I did think of and I hope you will receive it okay, was how the wedding vows say "in sickness and in health"... and "til death do us part."

I had a friend whose husand was alcoholic and she separated from him. She is a Christian and she was told by several people to divorce him and that he'd never change. Even her pastor told her that most alcoholics don't change and she shouldn't get her hopes up. Well, she refused to divorce him, but she prayed, hoping that the separation would work. And 3 mo. later, he came home and has never drank since. And that was many years ago.

I realize everyone's story is different and I have much compassion for you because you have been hurt and betrayed, but I still can't help but to offer you words of hope, believing with all my heart that God is a God of hope and restoration, a God who can heal even the sickest of people, and a God who loves and forgives. Your prayers for your wife can save her. She is "lost". I don't know if she is a Christian or not, but even if she is, she is lost in that she is far from God in her sin and she needs your prayers desperately.

Have you ever read the book called Hosea, in the Bible? If not, I would encourage you to read it. I read it recently and it reminded me of the power of God's love/our love and forgiveness and God.

Well, may God give you strength, wisdom, and peace as you go through this. My prayers are with you.