From another posting in recovery -- a little history
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> It's coming up on D-Day anniversary #2 where I learned of his affair with OW from Columbia which went on for 6wks or so & he spent his last B'day with.
We went thru this in 4/98 which was D-Day #1 were he asked for a Divorce because he was not worthy of me because of a ONS which happened in '83 or '84.
While in MC for the A, it comes out that he also had a ONS in '98 but didn't have the heart to tell me cause he wanted to spare me the pain. D-Day #3. Also during this period, he continued to lie to me about details of his A.
During D-Day 2 period, so much hateful, spiteful, vindictive words poured out of WH that I didn't know who was standing in front of me. At this time he asked me for a Divorce to be with OW whom he claimed to love so much and be totally happy with. Within 24 hrs he was begging me to stay and work things out. He called OW and ended everything - no further contact between them that I know of.
3wks prior to his A, we stood at the altar marrying off one of our D and proceeded to have a very romantic weekend which we often did. He traveled for work internationally and I made it a point that when he was home - no honey dos just family time and us time. I worked so hard at giving this man everything he wanted and supporting him in everyway that everyone we knew thought we had the perfect marriage including me. We even were leaders in MC home group for a rather large church.
Control or lack of it has always been an issue for him.
Won't control spending - would break every budget we would agree upon, has forced bankruptcy on us twice in 23 yrs.
Won't control eating habits - wants to lose 30-40 lbs and tells me to set up diet for home then eats whatever, whenever while dieting(even hides food and snacks at home).
Won't stay in job were boss is too control of his time, accounts, trips, etc.
I think his infidelity is also a control thing - doesn't want to be told he can't have what he wants.
I have asked him to go to counseling and find out the "WHYS" of his actions. Even if he goes alone. He won't go and has made it financially impossible for me to go.
His father has a severe sexual addiction and has had over 100 As and ONS and prostitutes in his 53 yrs of marriage to his mom. She no longer cares as long as she is supported financially and not put out in the street. They feel I should be happy it was only 3 times. His father is disappointed in him - he could do better and I should have never found out - he sould have never confessed to my questioning.
Now that the year is coming up,
1. he wants to know all my whereabouts and won't let me go anywhere - anywhere alone.
2. calls me 3 to 6 times a day or calls my D to see if she knows where I am.
3. continues to add LBs in that he doesn't care what words or actions he says or does which may hurt me or not. He thinks it's funny and I shouldn't get offended.
4. wants me to be over all this already because he said he was sorry and has remained faithful for the last 11 months and swears it will never happen again.
5. won't go to counseling cause he doesn't want to be held accountable for his actions(they were mistakes) and he doesn't want to face his guilt.
6. He wants his old wife back - the naive, trusting, loving, "put me on a pedestal", non-questioning wife.
7. Does not like the fact that I have gone back to school to increase my earning potential and sabotages any time that I tried to study and do school work with committments he makes for me without my knowledge.
8. Has us broke again totally draining our bank acct. and by quitting his job and trying to make a network marketing business work.
Now I am supposed to be totally over all of his "mistakes". ABSOLUTELY TOTALLY OVER IT
Our girls are grown and are quite tired of his antics as well. They idolized their dad but they have also watched his actions and he has confessed to them his "mistakes" Now they are somewhat respectful but distant and non-trusting.
Am I taking too long to recover???
Is he justified in his wanting me to never mention this again and TOTALLY put this away never to come up again???
He's over it and so should I be over it.
I am finding it harder and harder to even talk with him about anything concerning us.
He has no regard for me even in SF. As long as he's happy everybody should be happy.
I feel caged in.
And I want OUT.
I have somehow managed to become more independant.
Before my life centered around him and his needs.
I guess that's why I was so self destructive after discovery.
Now I am learning to think about me and my needs.
I don't go every where with him - I try to spend some alone time where I can vent to the air.
My Puppy dog has become my very best friend and our walks are very special to me - the solitude is great.
Where do I take this and is this where I should consider myself RECOVERED?????
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">At this point I want a divorce... I am being forced to go thru a recovery that is totally one sided and meets the needs of my WH.
He doesn't want to do anything but patronize me in hopes I'll get over it.
The love is gone and the intimacy is all for him.
Anyone can take my place there because it's not about who he is with but about his SF.
I'm just tired of all the S@#$ and lies.
When do you say enough already?????? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />
