Hello,

New here.I'm very much on the edge.The stress
I'm having is to much for anyone to bear.

My husband and I have been married seven years.We've had our up's and down's(second
marriage for both)and thought we had a good
marriage.

Then my husband became ill. In Dec.2001 he had
a three by-pass heart surgery.I feel this was
the beginning of our trouble. He seem to change.
We recovered and tried to get on with our lives.
Then Feb.2003 my husband has a stroke.This was
a nightmare.He was in the hospital two months.
I stayed with him day and night.Doing my best to get the best possible care.When he came home I
took care of him and got him back on his feet.
All along feeling as thow he was pushing me away.

After a long hardship with our finance and
re-organizeing our lives I thought our situation
would get better.NOT....

Six weeks ago my husband abandons me.I did not
hear from him for two weeks.After he closed
bank account and filed for a divorce.

I was shattered.In shock.I feel he has completely
gone against me.And there seems nothing I can do about it.I am lost for words.

My husband is very controlling.And strives
on power.The hurt and pain he has put on me
is unbelievable.I love my husband and want
our marriage saved.I just don't know how or where
to start.I worry about him and wonder if he's
in his right mind.

If anyone can offer any input on this tragic
situation.My heart is broke and my mind can't
think.

Could this stroke have caused such a drastic change?If so,how do I deal with it?

Thanks,GeeSassy

I am so sorry your are in such pain!

One thing that came to mind when I read your post is that maybe he is running from his own immortality. And if that is the case, then yes his heart problems and stroke could very well be the major factors behind his behavior.

Has he returned home? Did he stop the divorce?

I wish I had some useful advice to give you, is it possible for you to talk to his physican? He/She might be able to give you a better perspective on whether this is health related.

I just wanted you to know that someone cares that you are hurting and I will say a prayer for you and your husband!

Sassy,
Hugs to you. I am so sorry that you are going through this pain. I am not a nurse or doctor, but I do remember hearing that strokes can bring on personality changes in people. My mom listens to Medical TV shows all the time. I also agree that with the medical problems he's faced, he's probably just trying to flee responsibility and go have his fun. I don't think it's right that he do that, but he obviously thinks he's doing what's best for him, and not caring about anyone else. I am sorry that you have to suffer for his idiocy.

First, his doctor should be notified and see what he thinks. There can be different effects on people depending on which side of the brain is affected by the stroke and the severity. Some are less social or have other emotional changes, some become speech impaired, lose mobility, etc.

My controller x-H didn't have a heart attack or stroke but got very nerved up over other health issues he would have, and I'd say his reaction was extreme compared to the average person with similar symptoms. It made him feel out of control.

H's behavior changed dramatically after traumatic events occurred over which he had no control... especially with deaths of loved ones. Controllers can't handle negative feelings...My x-H didn't know how to grieve...
After our baby died of a heart defect, H told me he wanted to divorce me (but we did not at the time)and ever since has been a workaholic. After his mother died, he would stop at friends' places, and they would call me and report unusual behaviors in him.

Your controller H has brushed up against serious health issues that could lead to death for people...my guess is, he felt out of control & shocked...and not knowing how to deal with those feelings, he's "acting out" like my x-H did.

Just as a man might go through a midlife crisis, these health incidents, may have given him the urge to seek more fulfillment out of what life he has left. I think you should see his behavior not as a reflection of you or the marriage being a problem, but this is "all about him"... he is in a mad search for meaning & pleasure....and not thinking clearly, changing anything and everything frantically....

Please take care of yourself....get professional support (pastor, counselor, etc), surround yourself by those who love you, etc.

<small>[ August 17, 2003, 07:35 PM: Message edited by: Renae ]</small>

Thank you so much for your concern and input.
Somehow I will survive.I know my life will
never be the same.I will face this challenge and
become a stronger person.....(I HOPE)