Can two people divorce and yet still live together as room-mates for the kids?

My H and I have had a turbulent marriage of 18 years. The first 7 years started out with physical and emotional abuse on his part (he also had one Phy.affair during this time which I found out about three years ago)

I left him, we were separated for 3 months. He begged me to get back together, promised he would change, so we got back together. Three years later he had another Phy.affair (which again, I found out about three years ago).

Three years later he had another Phy.affair and then a month later he had yet another Phy.affair.

Then I found out from the OW, and thru his guilt, he admits to the others.

Then three months later I have a Phy. affair and he finds out.

He wanted to work it out at first, then 10 months later he will NOT talk to me. He asked me for a Divorce, yet I am still living with him and he still wears his ring. He will still not talk to me though... I have no idea what is going on in his mind... I am stuck and I have no idea what to do, if I could support myself and my kids, I would leave him.

Sure two people can live together for the kids. But what about living together and working on a marriage. Is there any reason you two are not counseling and seeing where you two disconnected. A couple that married with love and intentions of making a marriage work, can get back together. Can make a marriage work.

I for one know of a couple that divorced after many years of marriage. And remarried. There were many issues involved in the breakup. Low self-esteem, not meeting each others emotional needs. And they counseled and worked together on their marriage, and now find a true love.

It can happen, if you both are willing to work on the marriage, and willing to find yourself. Then a marriage can work for the best for the two of you.

And for the kids. I am divorced and the divorce has destroyed the kids, and me. X-husband is not destroyed, and living like nothing has happened.

Pana, I would agree with what Faith4Me said. Divorce damages children (and the spouses) so greatly. If simply for the sake of your kids, you and your husband need to try to stay married... but not just enduring a bad marriage, but working towards a healed marriage. There has been betrayal and great hurt in your marriage, and you do need help. Even if only you seek it alone... but ONLY from a counselor or pastor who will SUPPORT your marriage and help you two to STAY married, not divorce.

I may be wrong, but it sounds as if your husband is unsure and confused which is very common with a spouse wanting a divorce (or having affairs). On one hand, there is something in your marriage that he is unhappy with. And he thinks there is no hope. If he thought there was hope, he would not want a divorce. But on the other hand, well... he probably does not want a divorce. So he is doubleminded in a way and unsure, etc.

Do you know the Lord? Have you prayed and sought Him? I do not say this as some easy answer, but the Lord can help you and your husband if you seek Him and obey Him and pray. He can give you wisdom to know what to do and strength to do it.

I pray that God will be near you and help you and give you discernment to know what to do.

God bless.

Faith4Me, if you have time and inclination, could you share more about the couple you mentioned? I am losing hope for my own marriage. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> My husband is recently engaged and my only hope for our marriage is if God mercifully intervenes and prevents them from marrying. But I am greatly struggling to have hope at all right now. I would like to hear more about the couple you mentioned if you have time. Thank you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I just recently D'd, and had to swear in court that we were not now cohabitating nor would in the near future live with each other.
Not that I want to, but I was surprised at the wording.

Divorce is hard on the children. BUT, so is living with two parents who won’t speak to each other, chronic affairs, and abuse. Exactly what do you hope to accomplish by continuing to live in this situation?

Make it better quickly or get the heck out or both. The myth that any marriage is better than divorce is false. And it is doubly false for the children. My parents divorced when I was 21. It rocked my world, but it was for the best. And even then, all three of us children told my mother we wish she’d done it years ago.

What do you think about Plan A or Plan B?

How about houses or apartments near each other?