Speaking from experience, it is not worth the guilt. The excitement is shortlived; the regret, the damage to your reputation, and the shame you cause your family lasts a lifetime. I would give anything to go back in time.

All this talk about faith, church, the devil is just a bunch of platitude crap. I submit that most people, churchy or not, think about fooling around. Anyone that denies this is, most likely, dishonest, or dead. And make no mistake: infidelity is alive and thriving in church.

I'm not saying that I endorse infidelity. I'm saying that I think people try to hide behind a lot of religious crap and try to deny their sexual drives.

<small>[ August 30, 2003, 02:03 AM: Message edited by: m3bim ]</small>

m3bim, it looks like you are posting on quite a few topics in here. This is the 4th comment of yours I've seen and every single one has been very anti-marriage and basically anti-God. I for one, have never in all my life or marriage, considered fooling around. I know many, many others who also haven't. Your comments are very negative, very critical, and very hostile. Why are you here and what is the purpose of your comments??

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Faith4me:
[QB]I was wondering today. I am now divorced, so there is no mystery, no lies, no deceit, no

Dear FAITH4ME,
Sorry about your divorce--though it may have been the ONLY solution.

I think every woman understand your emotions, desires, anxieties and wonder ifs. You were betrayed. Without grace from above, you will hang on to these thoughts and anxieties and they will eventually seep into the core of your being and work at destroying you.

YOU MUST RELEASE these destructive thoughts--yes they are destructive, though completely understandable.

Your husband was looking for love, esteem and fulfillment. He got it and may be temporarily getting his needs met--but not permanently. NONE OF US DO--unless we find GOD--and even most of us CHURCH GOERS Don't find GOD--because our WILL gets in the way.

You will get your needs met only ONE WAY. We are so caught up in the physical. The odd thing is that nothing in the physical realm will fulfill us. You can keep searching--for the next 20, 30 or 40 years and you think you will find it--but you won't. Don't wait until you are a shriveled up 70-80 or 90 year old to figure out that it is your SOUL that needs to be fed to be fulfilled.

JUST THINK, IF YOU CAN FIND THE SECRET TO INTERIOR BEAUTY while you can still project EXTERIOR BEAUTY, you will become a magnet for all.

The KEY--if you can hold on to it--is to control the thoughts coming into your mind. YOUR THOUGHTS can actually DESTROY your life.

YOU MUST TAKE CONTROL over your thought life. Your current thoughts are destructive. Your regrets and living in the past are means of WASTING YOUR LIFE AWAY.

Live in the present. Empty your hopes, dreams, thoughts and desires into the hands of your CREATOR. THEN, let Him fill your heart and mind with HIS thoughts and HIS peace.
This is earth. But you will find the path to cloud nine--where nothing bothers you an no one troubles you.

Hey Gang,

Been there, done that, bad move [1st M, tried to R, didn't work, she wasn't interested at the time]. Will never do it again. Worst mistake I ever made. Can't forgive myself for it. What the [censored] was I thinking? I must be dumb as dirt!

I'd rather shoot myself in the head before going that route again. Guilt weighs heavy on the soul. G doesn't have to worry, I won't stray. I finally got it.

Faith4me:

--I have 2 of the kids staying here, for they didn't want to go. X-husband, upset me so much with his words to our 21 year old daughter. If she didn't go on vacation with him and the other two, that she was to go nowhere. That she didn't want to spend time with the family, then she could just stay home. --

TR- A question..what did your daughter decide to do with her weekend?? did she stay home and mope
or did she go on with her life as usually...
ignoring her dad's words "that she is to go nowhere"?? He can not force her to stay home..

She's a grown woman..and I hope she went out and did some things on her own...or with you..

I would love to have an affair with a woman I'm married to!!! [looks around and wonders where she might be...]

<small>[ September 02, 2003, 06:32 AM: Message edited by: Lyxa ]</small>

Thorned Rose - no the 21 did not go on vacation with dad and other 2 kids. She did get moved into her apartment on University campus, for her senior year. I had the opportunity to have dinner with my daughter and son and daughters boyfriend twice.

The vacation sounded like fun, for they visited relatives of x-husband at a wedding, and sightseeing the country. I enjoyed sightseeing and now will be sticking around here, for money is a tight situation for me. Anyways, that is okay for now. I need to see more of Michigan, and am hoping to get away in a few weeks for the Dr. I go to has said she will let me use her cottage for a weekend. She said it is small, but quaint and rustic. All utilities are in, and just enjoy the scenery and solitude. Am thinking of going, take my homework with me and study and think and sleep and hike around.

Getting back to the forum of affair experience, just the euphoria is exciting, and the secrets. I know that I wouldn't have an affair, I am not wired that way. I am a honest person, and that is one of the things that my frineds at church tell me. They like that I am perky and honest with all that of them.

There is a person on this forum that might be my x-husband. Just waiting to see if his writings are the same as before. He is so against marriage, and thinks like this poster.

Interesting insights, I talked to my pastor, and am feeling good about myself, at least better than I did a few weeks ago. Time is making my life stronger, and my vision is becoming clearer.

Church has a class for adults, Sunday School. I purchased a book and we are going to study from the book before church. Then church will be held. Also, I am moving in the direction of working on my baseball field, Base 1 complete, going for Base 2 Sunday evening. Church is wonderful, the people are wonderful. Just would love for all my kids to attend, but they tell me that they don't need to go to church. And father doesn't go. They follow their dads path, and that is there choice. I will continue on my path, cause it feels soo.... good!!!!

A group of us are getting together for dinner tonight. We are going to a seafood restaurant, and working on the pattern of life. These people are honest, forthright and show so much love. I enjoy all of them, and in fact saw a few people at church today at a yard sale we held in downtown. Today was downtown sales all over town. They let you rent a spot in the park, and it was really worth it. Well, time to go. Bye.

I am a little confused about where you got the passage in the Bible stating you cannot remarry, except to your husband. There are two situations in which God allows us to be free to remarry. Death and fornication or adultery. Matthew 19:8,9 says- "I say to you that whoever divorces his wife, except on the grounds of fornication, and marries another commits adultery. So what I get from this is that the innocent mate is permitted to remarry if they so desire. As far as wanting to have an affair, I understand completely your desire to feel the excitement and the euphoric feelings, but I definitely agree with everyone else that it would be so much better to have that in an open, honest relationship.

Im sorry..I have not read every post on this topic. I have been very busy getting on with my own life. our situation sounds the same..although so many do here. The difference is how we handle ourselves. You dont really want to handle yourself in the same horribble manner in which your EX has. That is destructive to everyone including the person having the affair. Your X might not see that now..might never see that in this life, but he will have to one day answer for that destruction.

Yes the passion must be a real high...but is that worth the cost of the amount of destruction.

I am coming up on three years past D-Day. I have been seperated for 1 year now and I recently found a man who totally loves me.

The talking on the phone, whispering in my ear and the passion is all there. We are having our own love affair, between ourselves, without the complications of another spouse. It is a real high and I hope that never goes away.

It is so wonderful because I have never been in love with someone before. I totally loved my X, did all I could to make the marriage work. Even to the point where I was a doormat. Because I loved him so much...he knew anything would be forgiven...until he killed all that love...totally emptied the love bank.

I was in love...but we were not in love. X was also in love...with himself, with what I could do for him..with what every one else could do for him.

No..I could never cause that kind of destruction. What I have now is so much better than that. If I want to call him in the middle of the night to hear him whisper to me, I can , knowing there are no complications. No regrets. that is the ultimate high for me...knowing that we love each other....and whatever kind of life my x is living with OW.....me and my 4 kids know that he is not happy there either, i used to feel that would just be the icing on the cake...but now I just feel that X is pathetic.....
All that he threw away .....
for a flash in the pan.

"To everything there is a season"

Smiles,
Dawn

p.s. BTY my "friend" is coming over to meet my kids for the first time tonite!!!!! OHHHHHHH please pray!!! He is worried (for nothing) about impressing them.

As for the bible - xhusband and I were counseling with our pastor at the time, and the passage stated that a man or woman who divorce cannot marry anyone else but their spouse. Yes, my husband had sex with the other woman, way before the actual physical affair, cause I have e-mails and e-mails of all the erotic sexual acts and most of the e-mails were just that, SEX. They would write a little about phylosophy but shortly it went into SEX. I have not committed adultery outside my marriage. I was a doormat, with little intervention of husband to let me be me. He states that he wanted me to do things, but when I started, it quickly was dissolved with manipulation of the business needed attention or something fouled the play. He doesn't REMEMBER many things now, which I feel is a way of him forgetting the anger and control he displayed. I had an outside job that I could make my own hours. That was harmed by him coming into my place of work and in a very coerce voice telling me that I needed to be home to watch the phones. Boss told me to leave and when I came back the next working day, I gave my 2 week resignation. I did try to do art classes, he doesn't remember, but I did 2 classes and then on the third, he said the phones needed to be watched (the business) and I couldn't go. Yes, he encouraged me, but had no guilt or remorse about telling me I couldn't proceed on when the phones got busy. If he was a caring individual, and meant what he said, he would of found someone to take the calls when I had my place of work, or classes.

To have someone love me for me, for who I am and serving the Lord is what every woman wants. I have met 2 men through church, and we talk occassionally. I see them at church, and actually have become friends with some married men and their wives. The church I attend is spiritaully lifting, and the pastor and his wife have presented a church with many open views.

The euphoria would be great, but I want to lead a life in the open. No secrets, no lies, no deceit. My x-husband still to this day, doesn't think he has done anything wrong, and that is his warped mind. He has basically destroyed a family, with his lust, and ballistic actions. He has basically destroyed my life with the injury he caused, and the subsequent surgery that followed. He doesn't show compassion towards the injury, and that is his choice. But God knows and sees his actions. The one thing that really is upsetting, he swears so much now. My oldest son swears, and so does my oldest daugher. She has many issues to conquer in her life and many avenues to find. I hope she does find happiness and a good job.

My x-husband is an old overweight man. He doesn't smile much, seems to be round shouldered quite a bit and tells all of us that he is disorganized. We all have known that for 30 years. One thing he does, is called the puppy whining. This is a technique of a controller. Going through the battered wives group I found out about this technique. He whines that he doesn't have much time to get paperwork done. But he can sit on the computer and type and phylosophy for hours. That is his choice. He wants people to feel sorry for him, which I did, but the feelings are not as strong as they used to be. I agree, that he is disorganized, cause I have lived with this guy for all these years, and without me, he would of been in a mess. Now I see, and that is his choice. He could hire me, but he won't pay me a dime, so I don't work for free. I have no alimony or childsupport yet, and have been finding ways of making money. Not enough to live on.

Back to the affair. I want a relationship that is out in the open. That I can introduce to my kids, my family and friends. That I would love to bring to my church and sit next to in church. To read the bible together, to laugh together, to touch gently each other. I want a physically attractive man, not overweight by a lot. He can be a little overweight, but I want a man that likes to exercise and do outside activities.

My feelings about the affair experience come and go. I guess that is part of the healing experience. Hoping to get my life in order, getting more and more closer to giving it all to God.

I just read a book review of a new book called Against Love: A Polemic by Laura Kipnis. The author believes that marriage is a "destroyer of the soul." She believes that "the hard work of a lifelong relationship ultimately sucks people dry of ambition and identity, making them easy prey for social control at the hands of the government." Wow!...

And what, does she think, is the answer? "Unbridled, libido-driven adultery." Seriously! The review goes on to say that "cheating isn't merely "the municipal dumpster for coupled life's toxic waste of strife and unhappiness,'a straying heart actually loosens the grasp of Big Brother."

That's a new take, huh?

Letstry - you read the whole book? And this is what it actually quoted? Who was the co-author, Bill Clinton? Just to show that there are many people out there that have no morals, and feel there is nothing wrong with 'It feels good, so do it'. Back to the 60's theory of life, do what feels good. I was talking to someone, and they are divorced, and are playing around with sex with the opposite gender. I asked the simple ?, what about STD, AIDS, any of the diseases associated with sex. There answer was hey, I am going to die anyway, so why not die happy. Happy or satisfied in a sexual way only, I replied. They said, if the time of sex is happy do it. If the sex is only because of release do it. And if this person gets AIDS, hey medicine is getting stronger every day.

The same thing with Bill Clinton. He denied, denied his sexual affair. He then said he didn't have sex, only oral sex. Where does his sexual act justify his wrong doings. Only in the minds of an immoral person. I don't know how many of you listen to a christian program, but I listen to WMUZ with Bob D. has the narrator. He talked about Clinton and his sexual acts, and how the nation viewed this man. Of course the polls were down after his admitting to his failure to his wife. He did admit there was secrecy, and euphoria. A man with security all around, thought he could get away with adultery, oh.... my.... gosh...., this world has come to the lowest of scum. Can you imagine what the history books are going to write in the pages. President Bill Clinton caught with his pants down and Monica Lewsinsky caught with her mouth wide open.

I just want to feel loved, I want to feel important to someone, I want to feel love towards this person, and to happily put my arms around his neck, and hug this man and tell him that I love him. I want to do this in the open, without deceit, lies, or pain to a family. But there is the underlying pain that I experience, that my husband did so much damage to this family. And my x-husband seems to think nothing about having a sexual affair with a woman that is not worth the light of day.

Anyways, I am going to start another thread.