Ok. I am picking up son from school on friday at about five after six pm. Son's school closes at six thirty pm. I notice as I am buckling up my child a flash in the corner of my eye so I turn to look around.

The flash is from a camera and it's coming from Jethro's white BMW. He is about fifty feet away and was taking pictures of us. So what does that mean? I got really mad and didn't say a word but my son knew it was his dad. I drove up behind him (he sped away) to prove it was him and get his license plate number and he just didn't look at us but had this wierd smirk on his face and held the digital camera up at me without aiming or anything and flashed it again at me.

I called attorneys asap as there was a provision written in the settlement that Jethro made sure was in it as his criminal attorney asked for it...says that I have no interest in whether the state prosecutes Jethro for breaking or entering. That was fine with me because it has nothing to do with me except me being the victim and the state is the real entity prosecuting him and not me anyway.

And in not wanting to violate that, I called both attorneys and left them frantic messages after this because I did not know what to do. Whether to call the police or hold on a while longer. He is breaking the NC order and acting bizarre.

So my attorney (the girl one) said she's gonna call up the criminal attorney on monday and give him a piece of her mind and if he's wishy washy on anything we will alert the sherriff and he's gonna be arrested on criminal stalking charges b/c he broke the NC order which was clear.

Then came the onslaught of the Outlaws.

It was communicated via attorneys that the OUtlaws would be picking up my child today to bring him to Jethro's for the outrageously expensive birthday party he's throwing for my child. Can we say deranged Disney Dad? Anyway we're having our celebration in a few weeks after we've settled into our new place and have a "birthday/soccer party" for his friends on the team. Kinda a combo birthday "Go Cougars" party. Anyway, Outlaws came over and FIL walked in and said that I looked very nice (I had on just a sundress and no makeup or anything) and then I handed them a note. Their daughter, Jethrene and her hubby remember were moved without my knowledge into my old house in TN and were paying rent to Jethro...remember? So I handed them a note and said it very gently (without God I could not have done this mind you) "Since jethrene and her family moved into my former house without my knowledge or permission and your full knowledge, I request the following things be brought to my new address as soon as possible." On the paper I listed my very nice birdbath, bench, and large planter. He was taken aback. He hugged me and said it was good to see me and then MIL sticks her big head out of their new Lexus suv. I ask you, they are wearing rolexs' and driving luxury stuff and working for Jethro. So Jethro's not making any money? Hmmm.

Anyway, she says "Good to see you. Wish you were coming." I smile and wave and keep being a lady.

As soon as I log on to get emails, I see an email from them. They sent it at 1030 last night and I didn't get online to check anything. It said they wanted to see if they could come over early before 1 pm to visit and some small chat.

Clearly they want some kind of contact. And then there's Jethro with this wacked out behavior with the camera.

I just cannot stomach them anymore. It felt horrible and my stomach lurched when I saw the outlaws. The whole entire damn family turned on me for an almighty dollar and because it's too damn embarassing to explain why a family member would excommunicate their own child. I could barely look at them.

FIL couldn't look at me in the eyes whatsoever. It was wierd.

I just don't get it anymore. Jethro is PUSHING FOR THE NC TO BE DROPPED AND THIS IS WHAT HE DOES?

And now the Outlaws wanting contact? I don't get it. Whole thing is strange.

However I am sure that today FV is over there with her child...Son accidentally said that "FV's son bit me on the stomach". I didn't see a mark but my son is just now 5 and doesn't clearly have a complete grip on the whole timeline concept as neither do other kids his age. So I am guessing she's still around. 3 is too old to be biting so I told my son to always tell me if that child is agressive or hurts him in any way. I just really don't want any relationship with the outlaws because they've completely enabled Jethro and helped him become how he is today. Plus they helped me move away from my home state and family and helped their codependent daughter and her family move right in my old house without my permission.

So why this forced contact with the outlaws and with Jethro? Do they think they can "force" me into just accepting everything and putting on a good face? Pretending that this whole thing was in any way somewhat decent or moral? I don't think so. They can't buy me off. They can't get me to perpetrate the lie anymore. Now if they are wanting to tell me that they are not going to enable Jethro anymore and that they want to get him help then that's another story.

Deep down, I just want the peace. I don't want anything but peace, which I haven't felt for three years. I don't want to be frightened or scared anymore. I don't want to feel hurt or betrayal or anything like I felt and I just want as far away from all of it as possible and everybody and everything that reminds me of his sins. Don't I get the right to say "No". Don't I? Or are these WS' so damn foggy that they want to make sure that the BS HAS TO BECOME COOPERATIVE IN THEIR LIES SO THEY CAN SIMPLY SLEEP AT NIGHT AND HUSH THEIR CONSCIENCES? THAT MUST BE IT. THEY MUST WANT TO BELIEVE THEIR LIES SO BAD THAT THEY WILL DO ANYTHING TO CONVINCE THE BS THAT EVEYTHING IS OK NOW. THEY RIP FAMILIES APART, LIE, CHEAT, STEAL, AND TRY TO JUSTIFY ALL OF IT.

I am a lady. I am a woman of faith. I am proud to be the mother of my child. I am not proud of my x or his family or their choices. I am not.

I will be that lady always but will not ever enable. I would be giving up the good fight I started a few years back when he chose to rain hell down on all of us in this family.

Keep praying. You'd never know what fear is until you have to worry like I do that you are being followed or have your every action monitored. I still don't know why Jethro showed up at the school and was taking pictures clearly violating the order. But my wise sister said once again, "Well maybe he's just not had a chance to see you and remembers that if you do take a picture it will last longer. Or maybe he wants to SEND IN YOUR PICTURE TO MAXXIM SO THEY CAN HAVE A GLIMPSE OF A REAL WOMAN WHO'S PRETTY IN A NOT-WHORISH KINDA WAY."

I slept with my cell at my side on Friday night in case of a break in and had nightmares all weekend. Enough is enough.

My outlaws have made no contact.
The court ordered psychologist wrote that I should regain a relationship with them for the benefit of the children. Luckily, they can't handle contact.

For your son, you should keep up a relationship, but make sure it is on your terms. They sounded cordial, which is probably a huge step for them. They didn't want this all to happen either, and they are feelign their way through it.

My outlaws are probably still mad at me as I brought to light FIL's arrest for soliciting prostitution.

justpeachy:

Please don't be offened by what I say here, as that is not my intention..but to maybe help you see another way of looking at all of this..and to help you heal from the pain you are feeling..

So what does that mean?

TR- Probably trying to prove your doing something wrong..yes, the school closes at 6:30, but he will probably try and prove that "he" could pick your son up earlier than that..as opposed to him being at school until 6:00 or after--so that he can have more time w/ your son..

--So Jethro's not making any money? Hmmm.--

TR- For some reason.."Most" men going through divorces don't want to share how much they are really making...and from what I can gather it's not because they don't want to support their children..but that they just don't want to 'the' money to go to their ex-wives..for ANY reason
even if it is to support their children..and they honestly don't think about how much the bitterness
they have inside towards their ex effects their children...

--Clearly they want some kind of contact.

TR- Is their spending more time with your son a bad thing?? Is his having a relationship with them
a bad thing?? Can you try and look at them differently than your ex?? as they are not him..
and your relationship with them..can be seperate than your relationship with your ex--

You could invite them over to dinner, just the two of them..and help encourage a relationship
between them and your son, their grandson..that is also seperate from yours and theirs with your ex--

--And then there's Jethro with this wacked out behavior with the camera.--

TR- Are you sure they knew anything about this??
and maybe the next time he does this..smile and wave <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

--The whole entire damn family turned on me for an almighty dollar and because it's too damn embarassing to explain why a family member would excommunicate their own child. I could barely look at them.--

TR- How did they excommunicate 'their' child?? And why should you be embarrassed by the actions of your ex? His actions have nothing to do with you personally...yes, they effect you, and your son, but they do not 'reflect' on you..and if others seem to think they do...They are the ones with the problem in their thinking..not you..

Many people choose money over those they say they love..and you are not their child..you were their daughter in law..or have your parents disowned you for your ex's behavior and I missed something here???

--FIL couldn't look at me in the eyes whatsoever.

TR- Maybe because he feel's you are judging him for his son's actions..something they actually have no control over--just as you and your son have no control over his actions..or maybe he really is embarassed by his own behavior..and ashamed to look you in the eyes..

--And now the Outlaws wanting contact? I don't get it. Whole thing is strange.--

TR- Why is it strange they want to see and spend time with their grandchild?? Wouldn't you hope your parents would want to see and spend time with your child even if by chance your ex got custody?

--However I am sure that today FV is over there with her child--

TR- I understand you don't want this woman around your son, because of her part in your marriage ending..and because of 'her' job choice--

but are you really right to judge her choice of a job and how she chooses to support her own son?
Have you considered that maybe..just maybe, she doesn't have the same values as you, is because she was never taught them??

Many families, do not raise their children in the church or with Christian values (mine didn't)--but I was blest to have neighbors who loved Christ enough to teach me about Him..and the love He has for me..maybe you can stop focusing on her sins..and start looking at her as someone who needs Jesus??? just like we do--

I know people who don't have the same beliefs
as me..so we don't make the same choices -- but that is okay...I answer to God for 'my' choices --Not 'theirs'--just as you won't answer to God for HER choices or your ex's choices..only your own..

You may not agree with things your ex teaches your son..just as I don't always agree with what my ex teaches our children..all I can do is teach them what I can, and trust God to work in their hearts just as HE worked in mine---

I can not force them to choose God..all I can do is teach them about Him..but I also realize, they have to know what else is out there--even about those who have different values..and pray they choose to accept Him as their Savior..based on what I have taught them--

-- I just really don't want any relationship with the outlaws because they've completely enabled Jethro and helped him become how he is today.--

TR- So you don't want a relationship with them because you feel they enable him..but are they really enabling him or just showing him love, the only way they know how??

My bestfriends ex husband is an alcoholic and very abusive physically--his family hated how he treated her and their child--but thought the only way to show him love..was to support him in whatever he did--even if they disagreed with him
it wasn't until their pastor gave them a copy of "Tough Love" did they realize that their supporting him was only making matters worse--
so maybe they think that supporting him in whatever he chooses, is loving him unconditionally
and not fully grasping that it's making things worse..

--Plus they helped me move away from my home state and family and helped their codependent daughter and her family move right in my old house without my permission. --

TR- How did they help you move away? And is it them you are really angry at or yourself for leaving??

--So why this forced contact with the outlaws and with Jethro?

TR- Maybe to help you trust God more??? Or maybe for you to really show them the love of God they may not have fully experienced??

--Do they think they can "force" me into just accepting everything and putting on a good face?

TR- Maybe they do, or maybe they think your being a Christian should have some bearing on how you respond to the situation..

--Pretending that this whole thing was in any way somewhat decent or moral? --

TR- have they said they think you should just accept this as decent or moral? or is that what you percieve they think?? have you talked to them about what they really think about it all??

-- Now if they are wanting to tell me that they are not going to enable Jethro anymore and that they want to get him help then that's another story. --

TR- They can't force him to change his behavior..
or force him to 'get' help..he is an adult--and makes his own choices..whether or not they agree with him or not..just as you make choices as an adult your parents may not agree with..but support you anyway just because you are their daughter

Deep down, I just want the peace. I don't want anything but peace, which I haven't felt for three years.

TR- Fully understandable...so can you learn to just accept him for who he is, even though you don't like who he has become..and try and step out of God's way, so God can try to work in His heart?? Stop screaming about their sins on the roof tops-- (ie: e-mailing the radio station about all these things this woman did)

their sins are between them and God--and as far as I know..and your blasting them only makes you look pious and judgemental--like just because you didn't commit the same sin they did you are some how better---

No, you don't have to like her behavior..you don't even have to associate with her..but you also don't have to dwell on or her actions either..however, you can move on with your own life..

--I don't want to be frightened or scared anymore.

TR- How can this man hurt you? He could break into your home and take your life, if that happens then you are with Christ..he could break into your home and hurt you physically but the law would step in..and he would pay the natural consequences of those actions..He could get custody of your son..which yes, that would hurt, but your son would still be in God's hands--

--I don't want to feel hurt or betrayal or anything like I felt and I just want as far away from all of it as possible and everybody and everything that reminds me of his sins.

TR- So get control of YOUR feelings..and learn not to look at him and what HE is doing..Look at your own life through God's eyes--are your sins any better than your ex's??? and begin working there to change yourself..I've found..If I am looking for God to change me..I'm not dwelling on
what everyone else is doing --and I find peace..
because I know I am following Christ..and it's not up to me..to make sure everyone else is..

From everything you've shared..it appears your looking for your ex to change..and wanting him to take responsiblity for his actions...and this is reasonable..but that is between Him and God..and as long as you are looking at what your ex and OW are doing..it's taking your sights off of God..
and the life He wants you to have..

--Don't I get the right to say "No". Don't I?

TR- Sure you get the right to say 'NO, I don't like this' but at some point..you need to accept that the dream you had for your life is not the same your ex has for his..so are you going to continue to live in what was--or start asking God
What now?? What do You want for me now???

I don't believe this is how God wanted things to go for you--but I do believe God can make your life better..I believe He can do as He says..and make

"all things work together for the good, for those who love God are called according to His purpose"

--Or are these WS' so damn foggy that they want to make sure that the BS HAS TO BECOME COOPERATIVE IN THEIR LIES SO THEY CAN SIMPLY SLEEP AT NIGHT AND HUSH THEIR CONSCIENCES? THAT MUST BE IT. THEY MUST WANT TO BELIEVE THEIR LIES SO BAD THAT THEY WILL DO ANYTHING TO CONVINCE THE BS THAT EVEYTHING IS OK NOW. THEY RIP FAMILIES APART, LIE, CHEAT, STEAL, AND TRY TO JUSTIFY ALL OF IT.--

TR- hmmm...Is it a fog? or is it that they are seeped in the lie of satan?? That money and things
can bring happiness??

our battle is not one of the flesh, but one of spirit..

-- I would be giving up the good fight I started a few years back when he chose to rain hell down on all of us in this family.--

TR- Your ex-husband is not walking the same path as you right now..and you are apparently unequally yoked --can you accept that fact?? That
he is following the natural man and not walking in the spirit of God??

--You'd never know what fear is until you have to worry like I do that you are being followed or have your every action monitored. --

TR- the love of God casteth out all fear..and knowing that only God can destroy your soul..is knowing no matter what anyone else can do or say..can never destroy you..yes, it hurts, and yes
it makes us stronger..but it doesn't destroy who we are in Christ..

Justpeachy, like I said, please don't be offended by what I said..but look at it as from someone who has felt some of the bitterness and hurt you are feeling..the having a spouse choose money over a family is very painful I know..

but true peace for me, has come by accepting that was HIS choice, NOT mine..and learning to respect it as such--his choice--

what is even more painful-is having to help your children live with that choice..and at the same time teaching them how their own choices have the same effect on others..they can either hurt them..or encourage them..

<small>[ August 25, 2003, 08:58 AM: Message edited by: ThornedRose ]</small>

Just Peachy, hopefully the Outlaws want to help Jethro get help… helped right into a straight-jacket. LOL. The picture you painted of J. spying and snapping shots from his luxury car was hilarious to read, although I’m sure it was scary and infuriating to live.

Maybe you should consider writing up your adventures. No reason why you should reap some rewards from having to live through his excrement.

Regarding the money…. Do you know there are forensic accountants? They go in and find the hidden money. They’re expensive, but throrough.

And currently, you seem to be the living definition of a southern lady. Faulkner would approve. Strong, practical, realistic, sweet, polite, smart and tough as nails.

TR.

Thanks. I hear and get what some of what you are saying, but I don't think you've either followed my situation from the beginning or you'd understand several things about the outlaws. And they are.

a)they illegally helped JEthro steal property from me...hundreds of thousands..
b)his dad's own affair came to light of day 2 and a half yrs ago and they dumped their own poop onto us. Turns out he's a serial cheater too and his wife is an enabler..Thus, Jethro grew up in a family where that's all he knew. I didn't know about that until all was too late.
c)his parents were aware of the abuse I endured with their son...And I mean abuse towards the end.
d)they cannot indeed look at me because of what they did.

I understand everything and do wish one day to have a decent relationship somewhat. But I am not married to their son and I do not in any way hinder their seeing their grandson. They are constantly over at Jethro's house and even are his employees. They took my son on an extended overnight trip for three days this year. I am good about that.

I just have to have good boundaries with myself. Plus my attorneys have said to not trust them and limit my interactions as blood is of course thicker than water. It's gotta be hard seeing the fruits of your actions grow up and do the same thing.

As far as FV goes, I don't make any excuses for her. It's my child and I cannot control who my son is around. What I can control is his welfare and who is spending the night in front of my child as that is a term of our settlement agreement. No visitors of opposite sex allowed for overnight (past child's bedtime is the definition--no later than 10 pm) visits while child is in the home. And she is destructive. Would you want your children around her? I am only human. I did even tell her that Iprayed for her and her child and hoped in the future she'd be making better choices for their future. So I am not all bad. However, she is and no other woman is going to shack up in front of my boy.

I have alot to deconstruct around here. The cycle of adultery and treating women like poop ends with my son. Stops right there. I am going to do all I can to show my son that a woman is worthy of love, honor and respect and I am committed to showing him good values to live by. I know what happened to my x's parents. Their affair problem was textbook and ended textbook and his dad even tried to commit suicide b/c of the pressure coming at him from OW and his W. The outlaws have one more child, a daughter, and she DOESN'T EVEN know of this affair or the others...But I know deep down she is aware something mustve been really wrong growing up and not knowing what exactly it was. They are indeed chronic enablers of bad behavior and my xMIL is the queen of it. AFter seeing a large bruise on my deltoid shortly before our separation, she asked me if Jethro did that. I told her yes. She then replied that "I should not try to "buck" him so much and learn ways to let him think he's in control." That my telling and trying lovingly to show my husband that adultery was wrong was just something not to do. She made excuses for him for years and told me to be nothing but passive.

So there. I don't really post about this and when it comes to the outlaws, enough is enough. When I was so poor and had next to nothing to live on, they weren't there for us. They were aware of our difficulties and never even offered to see if my boy, their grandson, needed so much as a gallon of milk. Plus they bring into God's house OW's child on Easter at the school and church egg hunt and then don't even make one attempt at contact for almost an entire year.

Ann--Yep. Saving up. We know if we go back to court we will need that type of investigator.

And I do agree with you TR that he's trying to somehow show he can have more time with son or just trying to unnerve me.

However...My attorneys know that too and believe that he's just kinda lost it...so to speak b/c 1)there is a R.O. prohibiting him from ANY contact with me and he has to be 1/3 mile away from me. 2)His own attorney would not at all condone or advise this behavior.
3)If he is caught and I call police about this, he will be arrested for aggravated stalking and do some jail time. I am waiting to see if that is what needs to be done.

My attorneys are calling his criminal attorney today to find out "what's wrong with your clint and why is he terrorizing and harassing Ms. Peachy?"

That's what the status is.

Peachy,

Your right, I haven't followed your entire story..
and if this is correct--

a)they illegally helped JEthro steal property from me...hundreds of thousands..

TR-Then make sure the law knows what happened and their part in it..and press charges..

b)his dad's own affair came to light of day 2 and a half yrs ago and they dumped their own poop onto us. Turns out he's a serial cheater too and his wife is an enabler..Thus, Jethro grew up in a family where that's all he knew. I didn't know about that until all was too late.

TR- So they don't have very good communication skills either..and his mother doesn't care how she's treated..and will take any type of treatment from a man to 'feel' loved...this is her own self-esteem issue..and most likely issues of her own past she doesn't want to deal with..

but again, not your problem to worry about..and allowing them time w/ their grandson will help him learn..Everyone makes mistakes..and yet you can still love them...and that it's okay to disagree--

c)his parents were aware of the abuse I endured with their son...And I mean abuse towards the end.

TR- And how many others knew or assumed there was abuse and never said anything?? there are many people out there who continue to believe that if you are abused in anyway...you must have done something to deserve it...they haven't yet learned this is false teaching..

d)they cannot indeed look at me because of what they did. --

TR- This is for them to live with..you don't need to worry about them..and why they can't look you in the face..just know that you can look them in the eye..and stand tall---and have nothing to be ashamed of..

--And she is destructive. Would you want your children around her? --

TR- Other than the fact you've said she's posed for some men's magazine and has shared her sex secrets on the radio..I don't know what type of
other things she's done that are destructive..

Yes, she played a part in your husband leaving his family...but ULTIMATLY "HE" MADE THE CHOICE TO LEAVE!! And unless she was holding a gun to his head--that was his choice..and his choice alone--she didn't make him pack his things and move out..she didn't hold a gun to your head and make you move out of your home did she?? or am I missing something??

My children have had people, whom I feel are just as bad an influence, involved in their lives..but
I've learned..the only time I have any control over what goes on with them and who they associate with..is when they are with me..I can't control who they hang out with at school, or at a neighbors, or when they are with their father..
so I teach them as best I can..and trust God
with the rest..

So far..they have chosen pretty wisely..and have ended friendships (I thought unhealthy) and in time they learned were not healthy..

My 11 yr old told me the other day..she's planning on telling her dad this weekend if he's going to be drinking..she's not going with him anymore..I asked her why she feels the need to do this..and she explained "he's mean when he's drinking, and I don't like being around him"

Something I already knew...but something she had to learn on her own..and she's okay with her boundary..she hopes..(just as I do) her father will respect her wishes and not drink when they are with him..but my fear is that she will find just as I did..his drinking is more important than spending time with his family...but I am more than willing to support her in any way I can
for her to hold true to her boundary and not allow him to manipulate and use it against her..

And from everything i have experienced with this man over the past 16 years..I fear he will use money as way to step over her boundary--like when she calls him to ask for something..he will say "Well, You don't want to even see me, so why should I give you that??" and totally ignore the fact she does want to see him...just doesn't want to see him if he's going to be drinking...

TR..

Thanks but again you've missed a huuuuge part of my situation. And I am more venting to write than needing specific clarifications on anything...I did however ask for opinions on why Jethro showed up shooting flash photos when there's an RO prohibiting him from being around me.

With regard to FV, she's MANY TIMES SPENT THE NIGHT and my child has seen here there, seen her sleeping in daddy's bed and coming over for "naps" (what my son's mind can only think to call it) and other situations where he's seen her undressed and come over only to find her child asleep in my son's bed and playing with his toys, thus my son has felt like an outsider. I understand the gun to head analogy, but you're not going to convince me to smile and turn the other cheek. Adultery is what it is...But showing promiscuity flagrantly around young children (hers included here too) is damn wrong and I am not going to allow that. That was dealt with and agreed upon, or so I thought, when Jethro agreed to that clause. And this will go for myself as well. I adhere to it and one day, should i get out and meet somebody and feel that remotely weird thing...called hormonal overdrive...I will damn sure only everdo something about it when my child is NOT at home.

And the grandparents are enablers and have very serious issues within their own lives. They've lied so much to each other that they don't know the truth if it hit em' in the head w/a 2 x 4. They've helped their kids get to be the people they are as adults now and I personally think they didn't do a decent job as parents. Both kids had affairs in fact(Jethrene once sent vulgar photos and had internet affair a few years back). Last I heard, FIL was on drugs for chemical inbalance and seeing a psychologist and MIL was going to counseling for her "passive-aggressive" behavior which is probably due to enabling and living with a chronic cheater for half your life. And I just personally think they are unstable. I allow them to see my child but don't think we'll be doing the family dinners too much. Is it healthy really to allow kids to be around grownups who think it's "the woman's fault" if the man hits them and that "the woman should do something to not get the man all rialed up" (again something I was told). They are toxic.

IT's destructive when they've totally enabled their son. No remorse. Even OW knows they do it and thinks they have problems. Geez. And they stole money the old fashioned divorce way...Transfer assets from Jethro to parents was the name of the "hide the money" game and other property games as well to make Jethro look broke when he is anything but. They can spin any situation to make it look ok or acceptable and we have their lovely "motivational sales" tapes they memorize and listen to all day long in their luxury vehicles to reinforce that they are "good people and should feel good about themselves" rather than own their actions and shortcomings. Why should I involve myself or my child with toxic people any more than needed? Personally, I have been advised by lawyers, and my counselor last year to stay and keep a healthy distance from them but be nice and cordial whenever having to deal with them in person. And I do that. Think the professionals have advised me well and I accept their take on things. Nuff said about that.

I really appreciate your time and your energy, but my issue isn't about the grandparents or FV or anything like that. I welcome advice only about the specific behaviors regarding his father and what's going through this guy's mind. That is the advice I asked for.

JP you are right in that TR doesn't know the whole story, but her advice was great. Stop focusing on them and what they did.
Focus on the future, and creating a great life for you and your son. TR was trying to get you to refocus on that. I know I get caught up in my blaming mode, but I definitely do it less than before.
I don't think many people could top Jethro for his transgressions, however, your future life will be what you make it. Continue to take the high road and you will be comfortable with your choices. We all contributed in some way to our situations - whether we understood it or not.

Live well and prosper.

I am still laughing about Ms. FV on the radio show. That story has had me laughing for almost a week now. Picture how you would feel if this wasn't your family. It's pretty funny.

JP,

Like I said, to begin with..Your right, I don't know the entire situation...As nobody here knows the entire situation..only what you have shared..
just as with my situation..nobody knows everything
just what I've shared..

but as Newly so kindly pointed out..I was only trying to get you to look past them..and at YOUR life and what YOU have --away from them...but you seem to be stuck in the past..and what THEY are doing..and it's preventing YOU from moving forward
in Your life..

I honestly don't care what his family is doing, or not doing..and what the OW is doing or isn't doing..the only thing that concerns me about this is how YOUR dwelling on them...is EFFECTING YOU and YOUR SON!!

Does it really matter WHY he felt the need to take a picture???

the point is..He violated a RO, and you've contacted your lawyers whom I'm sure have also contacted HIS lawyers by now..and it's OUT of your hands..

I will say this again...YOU can not control what HE does..if he is also violating whatever was agreed upon in your divorce papers as far as OW staying the night over there..then I say..Get the proof YOU need..and take it before the judge..and get the judge to say..Your son can no longer stay the night with you, as long as you continue to violate your divorce agreement--

Stop fretting over what HE's DOING!!

You can't control him --He will do what he wants..just like he's apparently always done..

but it just seems like it's time for you to Move on WITH YOUR LIFE!! and stop thinking about them..

How full can your life be if you are so concerned with what THEY are doing???

touche.

Point indeed taken.

And I am just usually venting here b/c I don't think anybody except for a few buddies would understand the poo.

Life is good apart from the finances and moving stuff.

But a praise. My mom might be coming in town this weekend to help me with move and her (well, he'll never be dad but he's ok) boyfriend will come too. I will have same guidelines about spending the night under the roof here..He gets the bunk bed (lower) of my son, mom gets the master, and I get the sofa. No guestroom yet..Saving up.

Son will be visiting Jethro who's flying him to the Bahamas. There must be some special running this weekend there...the "poor man's island" special.

But I am gearing up for this week's gonna be rough. But worth it if it's 700 a month cheaper and a bit nicer yet somewhat smaller. We will be happy there I hope. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

JP,

I'm sorry if I sounded so rough on you...I'm just
tired of seeing you worry about HIM..knowing
you can't do anything to change him..no matter how much we all wish you could...

I want you to be happy...and I want your son to be happy...and knowing your worried over what everyone else is doing..is preventing you from that happiness and having that peace you so desperately want back in your life..

And you know, it's okay to vent..we all do that sometimes..but it's when our venting becomes an obession we are no longer in control of our lives..the other person is..

and soon they become more important than God in our lives..I say that..because if we are more concerned about them...then it takes our minds off where they should be..on God and what He wants for us..(I speak from experience)and we lose our focus..it's just what satan wants..for us to be more concerned about what everyone else is doing..as that distracts us from doing what God wants..

Again, I'm sorry if I came across so harsh..but I hope it's helped you put some things back into perspective <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> as to what is really important..

God, Your son..Your family--your friends..and to heck with the rest of them...

Hi Peachy,

I didn't read all of this thread, but I'm responding to your question as to what you can do. I also have a RO against my ex. He continually harassed me also. I invested in a good camera that I could put in my car (with a date stamp), and also a tape recorder to record our conversations.

The camera came in handy when he was blocking my car in front of the house and he had NO reason to be there. It was submitted as evidence in court. He actually had the gall to say "she took a picture of me without my permission" to which the judge point blank asked him why he was even there and why would he block my car as was evidenced in the photo. I also had a witness in the courtroom that could verify the street and the houses in the picture.

So...just an idea. Be prepared with a camera and tape recorder. It sure gave me some peace. RO's don't automatically *make* a person behave. I was extremely upset because I thought it would magically put him in his place. Maybe a couple more arrests will do the trick, but being prepared (not obsessed)Peachy will help.

Do what you feel is right for your child. If you don't want certain people around him, that is YOUR perogative. Jethro IS able to have his parents over to his house to be with their grandson. I would tread very carefully in having the outlaw's there, especially relatives of Jethro. I too thought that having the in-law's connected would be a good *family* thing and *Christian* thing, however the in-law's were feeding any tidbit of information to them that they could -- including snooping through private belongings to give him as much information as they could.

Good luck

JP,
TR's is the right place.
What happened when you focused on yourself and rebuilding your life?
You found a great townhouse in a nice neighborhood
You found a great job, even better than you imagined
You are happy with your son.

We get what we focus upon. You will get SH** from J because you are focusing on that. Keep focusing on yourself.

I'm packing and getting ready to move soon. I am so excited about my new house. It will be a home, where the old house (my dream house) never felt like it.

Focus on the Future. Focus on the Family!

Ok.

I am focusing on what's right. I only post here about what's not right when I need advice.

And yes,
1)I have a nice new home and we are in process of moving this weekend. Got house instead of townhome btw.
2)job and whatnot.
3)I am NOT doing anything to the outlaws. I am nice and treating them as I wish to be treated. The outlaws are always seeing grandson over at Jethro's.
and of course #4)
I am am am am happy...that's about 90% of the time now.

I just have things, mind you specific things to deal with when it comes to Jethro. And I fully expect poop when it comes to him.

I know also and can relate TR to outlaws using time with you to snoop or to relay information about you and your business to xH. I know for a fact they would do it. When it comes to the outlaws, I practice something my grandma once told me "If you can't say something good then dont say it at all."

Thus, when they are around (practically never) I just smile and am cordial but not overly. Just be me and that way my son sees that I am kind and good to the rest of his family and I think that's important for him to grow up and know how to treat others.

Like the thing with the camera and the date stamp. Last night in fact, we went to soccer practice and once again, JEthro shows up and stands beside the fence several hundred yards away. The coach knows there's an RO and said he'd sign anything I needed to show that he was there (Jethro that is) and breaking R.O. I am also a realist and one day, should he be able to control himself, do want him to attend functions for our child. He will have to prove to the authorities, not to me, that he is worthy of this. And if he wants any interaction with me whatsoever, he will also have to prove that to me separately. All I ask is to be respected and treated with just a small bit of dignity when our son is around. And trust me, I know what to do. In the past whenever he'd start in on me verbally, I would excuse myself or hang up. Found out how to do that and finally mastered this tactic of NOT ENGAGING him about January of this year.

Found out that FV was indeed at birthday party for son. I know that he's really stuupid and foggy and will do strange and bizarre things and fully expect anything now. But should (again i the future after RO is removed by criminal court prosecutor) I will not invite my bf or non-permanent significant other to any family functions to lessen the stress on my child.

After seeing his dad out of the corner of his eye at soccer practice, my son ran off the field and ran behind my legs and hid. I told him not to be that way and if he wanted to go with the coach over there behind the fence (again several hundred yards away) to see Jethro he could. I will NEVER be accused by Jethro or anybody of telling my son NOT to see his dad.

I just wonder. How must it feel when a WS has to because of their own selfish actions legally stay away from his former wife and have to stand afar and watch their own child on the sports field. It is a church league and there were families everywhere on the 6 fields watching their children play soccer. I wonder if the WS even can feel or hurt for what they have done. I don't get it. It would eat me up from the inside out to have to stand hundreds of yards away from my child and to know that I broke up my family and that I was an idiot and caused the courts to step in because I couldn't control myself.

Thoughts on the WS and their mentality when confronted with seemingly "family" events. Personally, I believe when RO is lifted he'll probably bring FV to the games.

JP, you can vent here. But we hold you accountable to work on yourself.
So many great things are happening for you, and will continue to happen when you focus on you and your son.

My boss said something hilarious today. X refuses to pay anything toward school supplies. I said the expense wasn't the issue, but this sets a precedent.
His response: It's like a dog, when they CRA* somewhere, you need to rub their nose in it to teach them not to do it again.

We know jethro hasn't learned yet.

Peachy,

Just read that Jethro was at your son's game....that's great that he's involved and you want him to be..but when it comes to RO's and there is that line that he crosses, even if it IS to watch his son's game, remember that he can turn around and tell the judge, "Your Honor, it didn't bother Peachy that I was there" and the Judge will effectively CANCEL the RO. So with that in mind, please be mindful of the RO. Are there specifications that *allow* Jethro to be near you when it is something for your child? You would be wise to keep a journal and mark down this incident, including any witnesses that can testify that he was there.

Also.... on a sad note and prayers for the asking -- a friend of the family who lives with an abusive husband just underwent surgery to put her face together. He would just "say a few nasty things, but never hit." Well, he lost it last weekend and punched her once in the face. He broke her cheek and jaw, resulting in intensive surgery to repair her face. She has numerous pins and screws holding her beautiful face together.

She didn't have a RO -- you do. PLEASE keep safe and report every incident that breaches the order.