Their A death is nearing and I will jump for joy. It will end either before or after a quickie marriage but will break up soon.

I hope you just have joy anyway- in living, in being alive and in your own life.

Hate to break up this gloating party but this verse is something to ponder:

Prov 24:17-18 "Do not gloat when the enemy falls; when he stumbles, do not let your heart rejoice, or the Lord will see and disapprove and turn his wrath away from him."

TW

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by tossedwave:
<strong>Hate to break up this gloating party but this verse is something to ponder:

Prov 24:17-18 "Do not gloat when the enemy falls; when he stumbles, do not let your heart rejoice, or the Lord will see and disapprove and turn his wrath away from him."

TW</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Thanks Tossed Wave. You and I are on the same page. This thread has disturbed me greatly.
What happened to Love your Enemies, Bless them that curse you, DO GOOD to those that hate you....

I echo the "thanks" tossed wave, and the disturbing feelings gotten when reading this thread.

its been along time since I have posted but this has caught my eye. ExW left 2 1/2 years ago married her man. has done everything to prove she did the right thing. Now I find out they have gone through her money from divorce, he left his job, they are stuck with a house they can't sell. the bills are piling up and life isn't so grand anymore for them. I feel sorry for them in some ways but as the post says what goes around comes around and I in many ways hope they feel the pain. I feel quilty for thinking that way and pray that I just keep moving forward my life is much better. I think she did me a favor when she left.

God tries us everyday. We should see the troubles of our exes as our own trials. If we find joy in their suffering and gloat at their failure we will have failed the test God has put before us.
Vengence is a dish best served cold but it also leaves a bad aftertaste.
I am very ashamed to say that I felt wonderful when the OW my ex ws having an affair with went through a terrible ordeal with some abdominal surgery and following complications that kept her in the hospital for 2 weeks.

<small>[ September 07, 2003, 11:17 AM: Message edited by: ruby1 ]</small>

We have every right to gloat. It makes me feel good and my gloating in no way causes harm to them. Taking into consideration, everything that I put up with and heard come out of his lying mouth. How could I not gloat? I owe this man absolutely nothing. Never did he take my feelings and pain into consideration, he would only play on it to inflict more pain. Gloating is a small reward for me.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Patient1:
<strong>We have every right to gloat. It makes me feel good and my gloating in no way causes harm to them. Taking into consideration, everything that I put up with and heard come out of his lying mouth. How could I not gloat? I owe this man absolutely nothing. Never did he take my feelings and pain into consideration, he would only play on it to inflict more pain. Gloating is a small reward for me.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">A small reward coupled with still more pain....
Why would you let another person steal your true joy?And again:
Prov 24:17-18 "Do not gloat when the enemy falls; when he stumbles, do not let your heart rejoice, or the Lord will see and disapprove and turn his wrath away from him."

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">A small reward coupled with still more pain....
Why would you let another person steal your true joy? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It's not coupled with any pain from me. If it's his pain you're referring to, he's due.

He no longer steals my true joy. I stopped loving him. He doesn't have the ablility to do that, he has to live with his choices. He deserves every bit of pain that come his was. And I'm going to gloat each and every time.

He no longer steals my true joy. I stopped loving him. He doesn't have the ablility to do that, he has to live with his choices. He deserves every bit of pain that come his was. And I'm going to gloat each and every time.

hmmmmmm. Don't we all deserve pain for things we do? But I guess if that is what you want to make of the one and only life you have......well to each his own. Doesn't sound like you are too free of him to me. Someone has a saying on here, the opposite of love is not hate, it is apathy.
Sounds like you still have some feelings for him to me, if you hold onto the gloating "each and every time".

You know not of what you speak.

I was married to him for 28 years. You haven't a clue what my situation was or what I have been through in the past few years.

I'm happier with my "new" life. I'm not stuck in the emotional turmoil, I've moved on. I think he actually did me a favor in the long run. Because I would gloat at his pain, that means I'm not happy????

I already went the "apathy" route with him, once. Once, was enough for me. He was told in so many words, that I wouldn't go the "apathy" route again. More than "once" imo can make you hate a person. Not to mention all the other disrespectful treatment from him. He was succesful in killing my love for him. No, I don't hate him. Although I have every reason to. But, I do know for sure that I don't like him. And, I could care less about what happens to him.

As I said, You have no idea what I have been through. My H could drop dead tomorrow and I would be pleased. So, you are wrong about saying I have feelings for him. They are not feelings of love or apathy, they're feeling of dislike.

I gloat everytime he shoots himself in the foot. With what he has done to me and my life, he could be lying on the curb and I wouldn't help him. I have no respect for him, he's scum. He's earned my dislike for him and gloatingness. I wouldn't take him back for anything. He's not someone I want in my life, ever. I would rather live the rest of my life alone than live with someone like him.

After reading this, I have to respond.

Some of the posters have expressed distain and disapproval with the idea that a BS can feel some "relief" in knowing that their WS and the OP has crashed and burned. Well I have my own ideas as to why it's not only normal, but perfectly healthy and not a SIN to feel this way.

Most times a BS has unwittingly inherited low self esteem, doubt and feelings of worthlessness that were not there before due to the affair and abandonment. They question their very existence and look in the mirror doubting there's a reflection of a whole person starring back at them.

When the WS and OP's relationship eventually does end, the BS feels a degree of relief. So how is that wrong. They feel that all those mean attacking things that were said about their very persona by the person that knew and loved them the most in this world, while in the fog, were unfounded and not true, they feel some vindication. AND RIGHTFULLY SO.

I do not feel God would punish or judge any of us for finally feeling that all those things that were said and done that destroyed the very innate characteristics that made us who we were pre-affair were given back to us simply by knowing the WS's affair was not solely because we were allegedly such monsters in our marriages.

This is MB and we are human. We are not Saints by virtue of becoming an MB member. Otherwise none of us would need to be here. Becoming a better person, IMHO, does not mean we cannot feel normal feelings for gawd sakes. If you can't feel and post human without being chastised for it, then we have bigger problems here to solve than getting through our divorces.

JMVHO .. and God Bless.

Love,
Jo

<small>[ September 07, 2003, 08:03 PM: Message edited by: Resilient ]</small>

Jo,
There is a difference in feeling a sense of relief and in feeling pure and utter hatred to where it consumes your very being. I never discounted that humans have feelings and should be able to express them.
Patient1 says I don't know her situation, and I don't. She is right. But I know she still scares me with her hatefulness. That is NOT of God. And I know that we have ALL been through hell on this board- isn't that why we are on here? To try to deal with it and move on? I would hate to think that I spent my life wasting away because of this pain and anguish, and just gloated at every bad thing happening to my ex. For crying out loud, I KNOW he is in bad shape. But I don't want that. I don't want him to have the pain forever. I want him to be able to change and grow and be a better man. I don't want to help him do it anymore. I don't want him in my life anymore. I still sometimes have a hard time catching my breath when I think of all the nasty things he did. But geez, I am not going to let that control my life. I don't wish bad things on him. Why would I want someone to suffer that I once promised to love forever? I didn't break my vows- he did - and I am not going to stoop to his level by wishing him ill will. I can be angry at the actions, angry at the betrayal, and angry that it all happened. but then I can take it and use it to better myself and to know what to look for next time in a husband. I want to have a life again- I don't want to stunt it by having evil thoughts toward him.
And Patient1, if you were married 28 years and it was bad, then I am sorry, and that is all the more reason to try to let it go and actually have a decent and healthy life. You being bitter sure won't make life easier for you- that is a guarantee.

<small>[ September 08, 2003, 12:35 AM: Message edited by: adgirl48 ]</small>

Even King David in the Bible did not "gloat" when his fiercest enemy, Saul, faced punishments. Jesus does not gloat over his enemies. Actually, we are ALL Jesus' enemies basically because we are all sinners. But when he hung on the cross, he said, "Father forgive them, they know not what they do."

All of us are sinners... all capable of evil. I do understand that it is normal to feel anger, bitterness, etc. over someone , ESP. a spouse, who has hurt or betrayed you. It is ONLY God who keeps me from living in bitterness and hatred.

There is something about stirring up anger that is scary. That is what I see in this thread. I made a decision long ago to not share my husband's sins, etc. with others, unless a very close mature godly friend in a counseling type situation where I know he wouldn't be judged. I saw that when I shared his sins, it stirred up reactions and emotions in others. I didn't like it because then I felt stirred up... more angry, more bitter, more prideful even. Kinda like, "he's a jerk, and I DESERVE better."

We talk about "rights" and what we "deserve," but we really do not deserve anything other than hell and damnation. It is only by the grace of God that we live and are blessed. It is only God's goodness and mercy that we have any good thing. "ALL have sinned and fallen short." "There is NONE righteous, no not one."

It has been better for me to pour out my heart to the Lord. It has been a year full of deep pain... many, many tears and grief and sorrow that has at times felt unbearable. But I realized that I had two choices... love him or hate him. Hating him would've been "easier," but every time I hated and was bitter and even vengeful, I hated myself! I didn't want that path. So, I chose the harder way. Loving someone who hurt me and didn't return it. That has hurt more than anything in my life. At times I thought my heart would literally break.

But when I read God's Word that says, "Love your enemies" and "bless those who curse you" and "forgive others," etc... well, I honestly don't want to disobey God. I fear Him (in a healthy way). God's Word says that if we do not forgive others of their sin, God will NOT forgive us!! That is scary!

Again, I do think it's very natural and normal to hate someone who has betrayed us and to delight in their downfall, but I do think that in the sight of God, it is wrong to do that and it only turns us into very bitter, hateful, vengeful people in the long run.

But believe me, without God, there'd be no way I could forgive and love my ex-husband. It is only God helping me that I am able to do that. It is only because I have prayed and cried out to the Lord and studied the Word and asked others to pray... otherwise, I think I'd probably hate all men, and sometimes I'm tempted to do so!

Our hearts are easily hardened. Just like satan wants them to be. I chose not to hate or delight in downfall, simply because I don't want a hardened heart. It is not easy and most likely undeserved, but we need to forgive ALL enemies, even our spouses even though they betrayed. Our unforgiveness will only keep us in bondage. It feels like freedom, but it is not. Don't be deceived into believing that it is because it isn't. God is a God who forgives.

Beautifully said, Lovemyex.
I went to a Christian conference about a month ago, and the focus was "Death in Me, Life in Him." The point is, we as humans want this hatred, anger, bitterness, and wrath.....we want to give back all the hurt we got. We want to make them pay. But as Christians, we are called to die in ourselves, and live in Him. We are called to trust Him that justice will be done, and continue to love the unloveable. I also have a friend who taught a Bible study class for us a few months ago. She is a writer who has a pretty popular book out and she is very good at illustrating things. She had the whole class about in tears when she described so clearly what Jesus went through on the cross. I couldn't begin to do the job she did describing, but she reminded me that Jesus shed blood, suffered when he didn't have to, had nails driven into his hands and feet, hung there for 5? hours......all because of ALL the sin in our lives. He suffered greater than I can even imagine. He paid it all, and I am going to do my best to live a grateful life. I get sad, weepy, mad and hurt......that doesn't go away easily or overnight. And Jesus hurts with me. But I will not be in bondage to that hurt and anger. Like Lovemyex said, you are kidding yourself if you think you can wish for malice and gloating and still be free.......

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">LoveMyEx wrote:
But I realized that I had two choices... love him or hate him. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Personally, FOR ME, I have a third choice. And that is my goal to feel complete and utter indifference toward my ex-husband. And FOR ME, I believe it IS an achievable goal, else I would not have made it for myself.

Jo

Hello again, Resilient,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Resilient:
<strong>After reading this, I have to respond.

Well I have my own ideas as to why it's not only normal, but perfectly healthy and not a SIN to feel this way.

Most times a BS has unwittingly inherited low self esteem, doubt and feelings of worthlessness that were not there before due to the affair and abandonment. They question their very existence and look in the mirror doubting there's a reflection of a whole person starring back at them.

When the WS and OP's relationship eventually does end, the BS feels a degree of relief. So how is that wrong. They feel that all those mean attacking things that were said about their very persona by the person that knew and loved them the most in this world, while in the fog, were unfounded and not true, they feel some vindication. AND RIGHTFULLY SO.

I do not feel God would punish or judge any of us for finally feeling that all those things that were said and done that destroyed the very innate characteristics that made us who we were pre-affair were given back to us simply by knowing the WS's affair was not solely because we were allegedly such monsters in our marriages.

This is MB and we are human. We are not Saints by virtue of becoming an MB member. Otherwise none of us would need to be here. Becoming a better person, IMHO, does not mean we cannot feel normal feelings for gawd sakes. If you can't feel and post human without being chastised for it, then we have bigger problems here to solve than getting through our divorces.

JMVHO .. and God Bless.

Love,
Jo</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I second what you said. This site is the one safe place a betrayed spouse can come and define their feelings, things we can't say in our ordinary settings. I don't believe it is evil to admit to satisfaction and feeling vindicated when we see wayward spouses reap what they have sown.

It's absolutely necessary to our own recovery, our own self-esteem, because when WS's are in their affair fogs, they gut the faithful partner. We don't know who we are, we don't know who THEY are. Sometimes we doubt our sanity. I truly did think i was crazy.

Maybe feeling satisfaction when they crash and burn helps to remove us personally, so that we CAN achieve indifference.

Sure, we want to be good and close to God. We recognize that superior people don't gloat when a betrayer is hit with reality, yes, we can turn to the Bible for such admonitions. David didn't gloat over Saul.

Indifference is a worthy goal. So is forgiveness. For them to be real, we need time.

Nice to see you still here, Resilient!

I'm glad I read this whole thread. I really needed to hear it. My ex will be marrying the ow on the 27th. I have many mixed emotions so good some not so good.

My x left us almost 6 yrs (my 2 girls and I) it was the most painful thing I ever have had to deal with in my life. But yet once I had to go back in the work force I started to feel better about myself and I prayed more than I ever did <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
I read Love Must Be Tough by Dr. James Dobson in fact twice, it helped me soooooo much I still have that book in my dresser drawer.

I am remarried and have a son with my husband. I was 8 months pregnant with him when I stumbled on the Joyce Meyer show and my life has been changed since then. I love my husband very very much and would never want my ex back, yet at the same time I don't want my ex h's marriage to work. I do want him happy just not with her. If that makes sense at all?

I've been praying and even asking for forgiveness for the mean thoughts I have had.

Proverbs 24 17-18 was good for me to read!!!

and being reminded to pray and asking blessings on our enemies was also a good reminder.

I'm always TRYING to be careful what I do and say because we do reep what we sow!!!!

<small>[ September 08, 2003, 12:03 PM: Message edited by: Purpleroses ]</small>

Purpleroses,
I would agree with you that if my ex were to marry OW I would not want it to be happy. I don't know that there is anything wrong with that, since they are living in sin, IF they were not repentant and hadn't changed their ways. And I don't know how they would have if they marry each other but that is up to God and not to me. I DO though pray for him to turn from the sin and to God and for me to not be bitter. That is all I know to do.

Ad,
My X repent from what he did? He barely believes in God, he thinks there is a higher being. My x would argue with God and tell God what He did wrong <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />
In my x's eyes there was nothing wrong with what he did. He wasn't happy and decided to leave,SUPPOSEDLY he started dating ow 3 weeks after he left. I don't have stupid written across my forehead. I knew before he left it was because of someone else.

I didn't know about MB at that time and who knows maybe we could've worked things out? Having the husband I do now I'm much happier now.

I pray for my ex I wish him well I want him to be happy. I just can't stand the way his stbw seems to be in compitition with me <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />
I don't know if it's because I'll always be his first wife with his girls? Or what but she needs to get over it and be happy with her life (or I should say her wake up call)

I wish I had a switch where I didn't feel anything at all about my X. Thank God He gives me the peace I need!!!