I was chatting with my EX this morning about our kids and she basically went off on me. I was listening, about to hang up, listening and really confused on what to do. I then asked......"where did all of that come from"? The EX then starts to cry and apologize for going off....she says she is having such a hard time trying to deal with the 2 kids, work, her parents, and a number of other things. I really did not know what to say at all. What could I say??? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> She said she is just holding on and is real close to losing it. I just pray she doesnt have a nervous breakdown......for the childrens sake.

<small>[ August 27, 2003, 12:32 PM: Message edited by: StartinOver ]</small>

say, "have you ever thought about counseling?"

even if she is already against it. .

wiftty

Counseling is good. Have her talk to her pastor.
I also suggest support groups for her and the children. Look for local separated / Divorced support groups in your local paper.
Rainbows is a children's support group. Try www.rainbows.org

If she is that upset, she needs help. Can you take the children more to decrease her stress. Does she need to be on anti-depressants? These are hard questions for your to ask, but your children might be the recipient of her problems. For the sake of your children, encourage her to get help. And don't hold it over her, by helping her you will be helping your children.

Good Luck.

My EX is very involved in the church, I know she talks to the pastor and to a number of friends. If I suggest counseling....I guarantee ya I will get a tongue lashing. My EX is extremely *****y. Sorry, but that is the only word to describe her personality.

StartinOver, oh boy can I relate. I often hear from my STBX how he's so stressed out, he's not being a good dad, he's going to get fired, he's bouncing checks.

heck I've even tried to help him problem solve. But you know what, every time I suggest something it eventually backfires. I'm somehow made out to be the bad guy.

Just in the last few days I've decided to STOP the insanity (on my part).

My new theme song - "set me free"

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
Set me free
why don't you
baby?
Get ofF my life
why don't you
baby?
'Cause you don't really love me
you just keep me hangin' on.
Set me free
why don't you
baby?
Get off my life
why don't you
baby?
'Cause you don't really need me
but you keep me hangin' on.

Why do you keep a comin' around playing with my heart?
Why don't you get out of my life
and let me make a brand-new start?
Let me get over you
the way you've gotten over me.
Set me free
why don't you
baby?
Get off my life
why don't you
baby?
'Cause you don't really love me
you just keep me hangin' on.
Now you don't really need me
you just keep me hangin' on.

You say although we broke up
You still iust wanna be friends

But how can we still be friend;
When seeing you only breaks my heart again?
- And there ain't nothing I can do about it -

Get out
get out of my life and let me sleep at night

'Cause you don't really love me
you just keep me hangin' on.
You say you still care for me

But your heart and soul needs to be free.
And now that you've got your freedom
You wanna still hold on to me.
You don't want me for yourself

So let me find somebody else.

Set me free
why don't you
baby?
Get off my life
why don't you
baby?
'Cause you don't really love me
you just keep me hangin on.
Why don't you be a man about it and set me free
Now you don't care a thing about me

you're just using me
using me.
Get out
get out of my life and let me sleep at night

'Cause yov don't really love me
you just keep
me hangin' on. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">ANY time he comes to me with his problems, he's keeping me from being "free"

I'm not going to play that game anymore.

Startinover--

Just say..

I'm sorry things aren't going well for you--
what do you think you could do that may make things a little easier on you??

that way it doesn't suck you into her problems..
and she has to come up w/ her own ways to deal with it--

You could say...

I know when I have felt that way..I have done XYZ
but then that may not work for you--

And if she has a breakdown..the kids would be okay
because you would be there for them..

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">If I suggest counseling....I guarantee ya I will get a tongue lashing. My EX is extremely *****y. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">yeah, so. . . does that keep you from hanging up/ walking away? if she gets witchy with you?

you only get one because you hang around to receive it. . .

wiftty

I hear yall.....Yeah, I could and have suggested counseling before only to get a tongue lashing. Leaving or hanging up on her would only add more drama. That allows her to yell louder. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Remember that she is no longer you responsibility. Your are not her KISA(knigh in shinning armor). Hang up when she starts her yelling and eventually she'll realize that her histrionics have no effect on you.