My first date in 10 years. (Yes, I'm officially divorced).
I'm excited and have minimal expectations. He seems to be a good conversationalist and has already researched the area we'll be visiting tonight for bands and events. He attended a party at a friends house - not even a fix up.

Hopefully I'll have a smile on my face tomorrow.

Congratulations! Be careful, but enjoy yourself. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

OMG! Where is my flash notification!!! Why didn’t you tell me? Oh, man, you are sooo lucky. Even the possibility of something that just might be fun. Have a super time, and I want all the details.

I call me later. I’ll fill you in on the situation with me.

GG, see what happens when you don't return phone calls!
I'm not projecting too much into this. Just a night out in New Hope. He's the opposite of my prior type, wears earrings, but still clean cut. He works for a non-profit.

Newly,

How was the date??

Did you have fun? Where all did you go??

UPDATE UPDATE!!

I had a great date. We went out for drinks, then walked along the riverside.
He knew I was recently divorced and was very thoughtful. A nice guy! I also think he was checking to see how much baggage I had.
So, we had a second date last night. Dinner out in my town. He's asked me out for a third date already.
However, the GUD factor comes into play. (Geographically UnDesirable). He lives in the nearby city - 50 miles from my current house - and 75 miles from my new house.

I didn't expect the first date to be so easy, and am lucky he is such a considerate person. This dating thing may not be so bad.

Well, something I would suggest..as you begin this dating process again..especially that he seems to be moving so quickly...

1. Set some boundaries for the relationship..

like if you aren't ready for a serious relationship right now..let him know that..

Discuss things like..what he expects from your relationship--

example--because you've gone out x number of times...

does he expect you not to go out with other people if they ask you??

Will he go out with other people?

And you may find this advice strange..but

say no to a date sometime--even if you don't have other plans..

do things with friends where he is not included--

If you are expecting him to call..don't answer the phone..

The reason I suggest these things..is so that you can see how he handles this..if he's overly jealous or controlling the signs will come out during these times..

He will begin to ask why you can't go out..
or who do you have plans with? Did I do something
to upset you?? are you mad at me for some reason??

If he can accept your no, without any explaination
or getting upset or worried that you have a life without him, it's more likely he's pretty healthy and secure in himself..and not a jealous control freak--who needs a relationship to feel okay about himself...

if your not ready for a sexual relationship yet--make that clear up front..

Right now..at the beginning of a new relationship is when you can really begin to practice setting your boundaries..because you don't have a lot to lose..but much to gain--

It's better to learn at the beginning of the relationship if someone can respect you and your boundaries or not..if not, it's easier to END a new relationship..than one where your emotions are
so much more involved..

Thanks TR. In fact, I've already set & explored some boundaries here. I've asked many questions I would not have in the past.

And </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> if your not ready for a sexual relationship yet--make that clear up front..
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I made it clear on the first date that I'm not ready for that. I'm dating, not picking a life partner.

He said he likes children and asked questions about mine. I told him that noone I date would meet my children until at least 6 months into a relationship.
I also let him know that many of my choices are made to put the children first. They didn't ask for the D situation, and its up to me to make decisions that benefit them, and they are my priority.

I definitely feel more empowered and confident than I did dating in my 20's & 30's. Setting appropriate boundaries will be important for me.

And I've already said no. He asked that I join him for a concert tonight, and I have no other plans, I just don't want to go.

Also, the GUD factor should help with the boundaries too. It's a long drive for a date.
Your advice is much appreciated.

I also told him I want no more children. As a single 40 YO man with no kids, I thought this was important to state explicitly upfront.

Newly,

it's strange isn't it..learning to set boundaries
in a new relationship? and yes, it's is VERY empowering!!

How did he respond when you told him no to the date??

He asked a few times. But seemed Ok with my answer. He's going out with a group of people and it sounds interesting but I don't want to do it. My friends, however, want to join up just to meet him.

He knows I need to pack up my house and be out by 9/15 per the divorce decree, so I'm racing the clock.
It's hard to believe I'm actually interested in someone. I thought it would take a very long time.

Hey Newly! Depending on which way you moved (north or south), I may only be 35 miles from your new house.

All my best!

Hi Catamount! I've been thinking of you. I remember how excited you were getting your new house. There were some homes for sale on your old street, but I couldn't afford them.
And they've built a corporate center there too.

I am probably moving much closer to you. Just off Rt. 78. The house is perfect for me. And if I could get a clean CO, I could actually own it. It's been quite a fiasco. Know any engineers who can help redesign some spaces?

We need to plan a NYC MB outing around the holidays. Preferably before I outgrow these boards.

Take Care.

Newly,
I am glad to hear you are moving forward...maybe I will be there soon. Living in limbo is no fun! Anyways, it is funny what people from different areas of the country consider to be GUD. I drive nearly 50 miles to work everyday! If me and the kids want to go to a decent mall, we have to drive 60 or more miles! I guess when you live in the country, you get used to the long drives. Heck, my car is only 6 months old and just rolled over 20,000 miles. I guess living in Texas gives me a different perspective on that....that distance would be normal to me.

Hugs and prayers

It is perspective. I can get to two very major cities from my house in 60 miles, but its always a question of whether it will take 1 or 3 hours (with traffic) to drive there.
There are alot of backroads where I live, so you can't go highway speeds.
Good Luck. It's taken alot of work, and alot of help from MB and support group to get to this point. I still have alot to learn, but I'm enjoying the lessons.

Newly,

Congrats on getting back out into the world. I know its kind of scarey but also kind of fun. Its a big ego boost to know someone feels that you are a worthy person again.

As far as the distance thing thats ok. My fiance lived 50 miles from me we saw eachother about three times a week until I moved closer to him after a year into the relationship. It really gave us time to grow as a couple.

Good luck!!

Jill