Tomorrow my dv will be finalized in court. I am going through a lot of emotions. Must remind myself to breath, breath, breath.

Was extremely angry last night when I heard that WS and OW were away on holiday for this week. He was suppose to appear in court as he is the plaintiff but he asked my lawyers if I could appear in court as he did not have the money for the flight to our town. Yet, again I believed him and agreed. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

I just lost it when I heard that they were on holiday and now I must stand in front of the judge and listen how my marriage is being terminated. What a coward he is. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

I phoned him with the intention of Love Busting but as he answered I realised that it was useless and I just asked him how he was doing and discussed some trivial matters. Told him to have a good nights rest and enjoy his holiday <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

I will go there tomorrow with dignity, integrity, honesty and without guilt. Even though I don't want this dv, I feel now I deserve it. It has been two long years and I am tired.

Somehow I have this song in my head all day long
"Some day will come" just these few words.

Please keep me in your prayers and thoughts. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

<small>[ September 10, 2003, 02:28 AM: Message edited by: GinnyF ]</small>

Hey sweetie,

I've spent so many days in court alone - my attorney decided I'm "available". He's single (never married), charming, adorable, and about the nicest man I've ever met - so I may decide he's "available" too... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Hang in there - even though you didn't want the divorce, you will survive and come out of this a winner. You've learned something! You've learned that you are stronger than you thought. You've learned you are a valuable person. And --- you've learned to care about yourself!!!

Hugs,

Jan

Thanks Trouble

You know it I reflect now over the past two years then I want to thank WS and OW.

I like who I am now. My relationship with my DD's have changed. We are having so much fun now and life is much more easier. (THis coming from a woman who always had a housekeeper and cried the day when she left because I thought I will never cope). Now there are times we enjoy sleeping in unmade bed <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

As for me it was a long and hard road of self discovery but it was worth the while. I always have the thought that if only my husband could "see me now".

Well, he can't see me but he can definitely hear the change in me.

After about a year or two (I like being on my own now) I will have to look at changing the scenario - WS is always asking the girls "Where did you go to and with whom" and they always answer - "Just the three of us" he cannot believe all the things that we are doing on our own. Maybe that needs changing to give him a wake up call <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

But for now I am happy.

Ginnyf,

I want you to know your post was very inspirational for me because some day I want to me where you are. You have traveled a long hard road and come out okay. I only hope that I can weather this storm and be happy with all the changes my life has taken. I want to be able to move on and not care about what stbxh is doing in his life. With post like yours it lets me know there is light at the end of the tunnel. I'm happy for you and your future.

LJ

Congratulations! I hope you do something special to celebrate.
Mine was final on 8/5. I have to say that since all the finances are not yet resolved, the D was actually a let down. I wasn't emotional or anything. It was just another day. I will feel closure when all is finished.

Good luck to you and stay strong. I too think my relationship with the girls is better than ever. I can focus on them and myself more and only do those things we enjoy.

We all must keep growing.

Ginny F - your husband didn't appear is a sign of emotionally unstable. Yes, he is holidaying with his bimbo, instead of doing what is right. Can't afford the plane trip, God knows and sees what he is doing.

So good to hear that you are doing okay, and you and the girls are having a great time. Yes, my kids are the ones that made my days bright. One day, your husband will see the light at the end of the tunnel. So he has a women that lied, cheated and sinned, just as he did. It is not going to all be roses, and the two of them will see the reality soon.

My divorce was over June 2003. Am okay now with the divorce. Didn't want the divorce, but God has really helped me get through the divorce. I am finding myself, met some men and been conversing with them. Just a friendship, nothing else. Not ready to have a relationship, and won't for a long time. I just want to get ahead, emotionally, financially, and physically.

I have had to set boundaries with my kids, and bascially you will too. The kids don't like, me stating if you don't like it here, move out. But that is the way it is. I feel good about myself, have more self-respect. Want to grow stronger with the Lord, and find my direction in life with a good job, and hard work.

All of us that were betrayed and going through a divorce will get ahead one way or another. I didn't believe this one bit. The life I have now is easier, I don't have to deal with a ballistic man anymore. I don't have to wish for love and admirable comments from a husband that doesn't want to give them. I get admirable comments from the 2 guys that I met through church. They are sincere when they say them, and I know that now I am a good person.

Each and everyone of us will find ourselves, and be the best person God wants for us. Life is worth living, even though the spouse we professed our love and unit with betrrayed us. Yes I am a spouse that was betrayed by my husband, injured physically and mentally by my husband and still paying for the pain. But I am moving along and finding life to be more enjoyable everyday.

You will too, and some days you will wonder what took you so long to make this trip. God hates divorce, which bothers me greatly. In time I will get over this too.

Keep yourself busy, and ALSO do things for yourself. That is what I am finding the hardest but it is coming more easier. I am doing things for myself, and expressing what I don't like and expressing that if kids don't like it, move out. No need to be the old person of letting things go now and living with it.

Life is wonderful, enjoyable, and boy I am loving my days here on earth.

Ginny,

You will do fine. Just stand straight and tall during the hearing and don't reflect on the past but what your future now holds.

I too had to stand in a fairly full court room alone and receive my divorce. I guess until now i really didn't think about it much. I think I just felt relief. I did call my ex-husband on the way home from the courthouse and told him he was a free man now after 17 years.

I moved forward from that time on and have rarely except for this forum looked back. It has been three years now and my whole life has change..

Good luck,

Jill

Ginny --
He's in love. You are a part of his past.

Someday the OW may think about you, when he is in love and she is part of his part.

I would like to thank God for giving me the strenght and courage to stand in court and listen to the judge declaring me divorced. Also a sincere thank you to all who responded to my thread and for the encouraging words.

As I stood in court I knew that I was not alone, I knew that God was with me and I said a silent prayer for all at MB.

It was all over in a mere 10 minutes. I did get some satisfaction though when I was asked if the marriage has broken down due to irreconcileable differences - I answered "Due to irreconcileable differences and infidelity, WS is living with OW by the name of ^&**))&& which is the 3rd party that contributed to the breakdown of the marriage .

My Atty just smiled - As I live in a no "fault country" I was not suppose to say this. Judge also did not ask me to retract this statement so at least I know the truth has been recorded. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

My heart skipped a beat when the judge announced me divorced. Left the court and spend the day by myself, listening to music and felt completely at peace.

lj: Thank you. It was a long and hard road. My motto since separation day was "Focus on yourself" and "Act as if", also had to force myself out of my comfort zone and face the challenge of change. Change was not easy but now it was worth the while. I also keep on reminding myself that my self discovery is like a "maintenance program" need to work at it constantly. You will get there by the grace of God.

Newly: Yes, we have so much fear in us for the day of the big D but when you are confronted with this day it is a big let down. I did not feel like celebrating but rather opted for a quite day by myself. Packed the last of Ws's belongings which I will forward to him shortly.\

For the past 2 yrs I have slowly started changing the interior of my house and surroundings. I had to go slowly as I had the thread of losiing the house hanging over my head. Now that I know I am keeping the house, I can go full steam ahead and change, change, change. I am dreaming again. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

F4M: Actually, I think both WS and OW is emotionally unstable. The week of the dv they were on holiday where we spend our honeymoon. "Wonder if she knows this?". He also phoned the kids every day whilst on holiday, except the day of the dv. Is this denial or what.

My children is still very young but I have already started putting down boundaries and also letting them take responsibility for some of their own problems. I have stopped being an enabler. No homework, no excuses, honesty, take responsibility.

I have been on my own now for almost two years so with the dv being final there has been no major adjustment I had to make.

Jillybean: I stood straight and tall. Actually I was more confident on this day than that I was on the day I got married. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> I know a great future awaits me and my children. Best revenge "to live well"

BHA: My believe is that my WS must walk this path that he has chosen without any interference from me. I will always love him and care about him but I know I am fine with or without him.

ScaredinNY: My dear friend I have received your e-mail and will respond shortly. Thank you for being there for me in the beginning of my walk with infidelity for going out of your way to send me SAA which I could not find in my country.

I remember when I received SAA, I read it throughout the night. What a revelation it was.

I believe that God has chosen this path for me to walk to find my purpose in life. Through my experience with infidelity I am now able to help and minister to women and men who are affected by infidelity.

<bump>

Ginny,
I am proud of you. Keep looking ahead and reach for your dreams.

Jill

Ginny,

Thank you so much for what you have written. It will help me be strong in what is only the begining of the process I am going to have to take. All I ever wanted was a faithful husband, but I can not control him and must learn that I can control what I myself must live with. I deserve better and see from your words that it can happen. I have my two children and God on my side. Thank you!