I've been married for 13 years known my husband for 17 years we have 2 children. We been having problems for many years with his driking and staying out very late at nights or not coming home
all night. There were time when he called to tell he was going somewhere after work and would be home late but most of the time he did'nt call at all. He always said he loved me and the kids and he just like to drink with his friends and sometimes he'd get to drunk and pass out at their place. As the years went by I became resentful to his behavior and we would get into big fights. The more we fought the more he went out. So finally I tried a different approach and would try to tell him how I felt about his behavior. That only led to him telling I was trying to control him. Make him my puppet. Recently, I gave up trying to make him understand were I was coming from and what I needed from him. I moved out of our bedroom and stop sleeping with him. I told him we could not kiss and make up anymore. That we needed serious marriage counceling before we could continue to share the same bed because that was always a temporary fix. Well, he continued to go out and eventually not come home for 3 to 4 days no calls no way for me to reach him. I finally confronted him when he came home. He finally admitted to having met someone (his words) and fallen head over heels for her and she for me. And now his willing to seperate after so many times that I made the same suggestion. He says he sorry and he does'nt plan to stay away so long or not to call at all and check up on the kids. I'am emotinally a wreck I can't seem to be strong for my kids. We just sold our home and bought another 2 months ago and I can't afford to pay the house alone so we will have to sell this house right away. I'am broken hearted can't eat or stop crying especially for my children that feel their father has abandon them. How do I cope with my feelings without making a fool of myself. I know it is over to much has happen in our marriage and now this.

<small>[ September 04, 2003, 12:22 PM: Message edited by: Janet1g ]</small>

{{{{{{{Janet}}}}}}}}} I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through and I definitely relate, having been through much of the same myself.

Have you read through the information on this site? Hopefully someone will jump in here and provide the links. This particular forum, divorcing/divorced, is frequented by those of us who've either given up hope of saving our marriages or are divorced against our wills, but either way, are moving on with our lives. The General Questions forum (GQII) has more discussion about marital recovery.

My H also abuses alcohol, as well as drugs. Like you, I also suggested marriage counselling and/or threatened to leave. He also called me "controlling" and told me I was trying to be his mother. My H also disappeared when drinking and was extremely verbally abusive. Then he suddenly left and moved in with his "soulmate" who's 27 years younger than he is and apparently enjoys taking drugs right along with him. I was so heartbroken at first that I lost 40#'s (though I've now gained 1/2 of it back!).

The support here at MB has provided necessary healing since I never felt as much pain as that brought on by my H's betrayal. But, even the Harley's say that marital reconciliation cannot begin until there is sobriety first and that is something over which we have no control.

The other organization that has helped me recover is Al-Anon. Al-Anon is a free, confidential support group for family and friends of alcoholics. There are meetings just about everywhere, including on-line. I went to Al-Anon to figure out how to get my H sober and to save my marriage, but what I found was my own personal recovery. I too felt desperate and foolish until I found Al-Anon, but in Al-Anon, I found other people who understand because they've experienced the same kinds of problems.

You are not alone.

Janet,

I'm sorry you are going through this. It sucks plain and simple!!! Expect to be a range of emotions, I've heard some say to get on a antidepressant to help you through this, I never did do that. I instead turned to God and that was my saving grace!!! Have you read all the concepts about MB? You can get a better idea where to start.
You may also want to get yourself into some counseling.

My heart aches for anyone who has to go through this!! You've come to the right place though