Help please. I really need help to stop nagging him about the whole situation. If I do not calm dwon I will really lose him. Any one has any ideas on how not to be obssessed and to carry on patiently? I am full of good intentions, but the least remark sets me off. I hate myself for being this way.I used to be the most trusting person before.He says if I think the worst about him, maybe he will just do it.

2stupid,<P>Firstly, you should register under a different name! You aren't stupid.<P>OK, now that I've got that out of the way --<P>Love busting behavior is when you are disrespectful, mean, judgemental, hurtful, malicious... etc.<P>Before you say anything. Stop. Think a few minutes. It's OK to think really bad stuff, just don't say them. Think of a different, kinder way to say what's on your mind. Don't ignore your feelings or bottle them up. That's not good. Just take a minute before you respond to things. Maybe this trick will work -- how would you respond to someone else (say someone you work with or a good friend) when they make you mad. You don't have frenzied outburst with them right? You try to react in a way that is not mean. Try to react to your husband in the same way...<P>Anyone else out there with real world experience in not lovebusting through their hubby's withdrawal -- can you give 2stupid some help here?? I'm just throwing out ideas...<P>--andy

thanks andy. Before posting my cry for help I realised how stupid the username was, I went to the profile, but I was unable to change the name. Maybe I can get some help on that topic too. <BR>You know I've been lurking here for so long and really getting real help just from reading about everyone else's experiences. It is like deja vu all over again every time. It is incredible.How we all react the same way.I have not spoken out aloud about my experience to anyone, I mean not a soul for more than two years. I think just the act of posting "my story" had a calming effect on me. I made a resolution not to say anything in reference to the matter for a while anyway. This is mainly because my H is really stressed out at work and the last thing he needs is to be stressed at home too. What I dont know is how to do stuff without appearing like I am trying too hard?

Posting does have a calming affect for lots of people. Sometimes we aren't acknowledged for our feelings at home, and this forum definitely does acknowledge and understand where we are coming from.<P>You really don't need to do anything extra, just eliminate the negative demanding, thoughtlesss behaviors and comments. It becomes a habit to dump emotional garbage on our betrayers. It doesn't do anything but tear up the marriage more.<P>Blessed is a man who doesn't live with a b**** for a wife.<P>

2stupid,<P>You cannot change your user name in the profile. You'll have to just register again. Do it the same way you registered before. Just pick a better name this time, okay? <P>You can use cut & paste methods to put your story from your old profile to your new profile, if you don't feel like typing it all in again.<P>--andy