Niceguy....

I really don't know how hard you have worked on your M. But in my situation, I had every right to D my W 2 yrs ago. But, after I read Eph. 5:25-27; I asked myself; "What did I do to follow God's command here?" "Did I do everything, go as far as Christ would have gone (to the best of my ability) to "present her holy" to my father." My answer was no, I didn't.

So I had to do everything I could to be able to confidently stand in front of my God and say; "Father, after I figured out the damage I did to my M, I did everything I could do to make it right." It would be only at that point would I be able to have peace about filing for a D.

Have you done that, or will you do that, I don't know. That is between you and God. Me, I just never wanted to fail to bring the W he gave me and present her to Him.

I do think you need to address Chris' question.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">What if right now, she decided she wanted to get back together? It's a real big possibility, especially if you file. That tends to stir up the pot.

Where would that leave you with your girlfriend? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Serious situation you really could find yourself in.

S&C

StartinOver,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Honestly, if niceguyjim and his wayward wife intend to divorce and no longer want to be together (niceguy has the right to divorce anyhow) what difference does it really make if he has g/f now or not??? I mean really? What difference does it make? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I don't believe I'm the one to ask. Chris showed where God asked for papers (Matt. 5) You should be asking God why He wants them. I don't wrestle with God over this issue, but you apparently are.

S&C

God created marriage. It is a covenant and not a contract that can be broken. You made a vow to God, and God hates divorce. Genesis 2:18-25 Numbers 30:2, 1Cor. 7:10-11, Matt. 19:4-9
In Matt. 19-5 God tells us, what God has joined together, let no man seperate. who's asking you to divorce your wife!?

It is the desire of Gods heart to recincile all marriages, *that none shall parish* 2Cor. 5:18

God tells us in John 8-11 that adultry is grounds for forgivness rather than divorce.
In Ps.1-1. God said, *blessed is the man that does not walk in the counsel of the wicked* God said he is *Wonderful Mighty Counselor* Isa 9-6

Rebuilding your marriage,,,
"Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them
into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock.
The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat
against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its
foundation on the rock. But everyone who hears these words of mine
and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built
his house on sand. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the
winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great
crash." Matthew 7:24-27

The storms of life have destroyed your marriage. I know that you
are shocked, wounded and bewildered as to how you are going to rebuild
your marriage. Today turn your life over to your Lord Jesus Christ
and ask Him to become the Master Builder for your marriage and family.
Nothing is too difficult for your Lord.

As you start rebuilding your marriage, be sure you build it according
to His plans and by the power of the Holy Spirit. Do not rebuild your
marriage according to human ideas(worldly), plans and efforts. Your marriage
needs to be rebuilt on the solid rock of Jesus Christ. Your Architect
will be God. The Contractor will be your Lord Jesus Christ and your
personal Builder will be the Holy Spirit.

"Unless the Lord builds the house, its builders labor in vain.
Unless the Lord watches over the city, the watchmen stand guard in
vain. In vain you rise early and stay up late, toiling for food
to eat--for he grants sleep to those he loves." Psalm 127:1-2

Do not allow the destruction of your marriage to defeat you or over-
whelm your emotions and feelings. Your Lord God can rebuild, restore
and make your marriage to be better than it ever was previously, if
only, you will follow His instructions and put them into action.
God is able to restore a marriage through the obedience of only one spouse, standing in the gap lifting up holy hands. Ezek, 22-30

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My new girlfriend thinks I should file for divorce, </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">*I hate divorce* says God of Israel, So take heed to your spirit,,,Mal. 2-16

satan lurks around every corner, just waiting for another soul to steal,,,
having your girlfriend(lust) already living(shacking up) with you. What does your Lord say about these two things?

afterall, I don't really want her back anymore What was your promise to God worth?
Maybe your girlfriend should actually open her eyes,,,

you made a vow, you said the words, gave the pledge, gave a ring, took a ring, and said the words, and meant the words, (you promised God)
in sickness and in health, in sorrow and in joy, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer,in good times and in bad,,,*til death do us part.*

I'AM A STANDER
http://www.rejoiceministries.org

God abhors Divorce. What God has joined, Man shall not put asunder. If you're married, but living (and ostensibly having sex) with a woman other than your wife, Then I'm sure you can do the math. Get a divorce. At least that way the civil authorities have no cause against you.

Jim
I bet when you started this thread you might not have expected the comments now being posted. But add mine to the group that says "unless you're divorced, you're still married" and have no business entertaining thoughts about having a G/F. Don't worry, I'm not going to preach at you since it seems there is already a lot of that here. But as usual, Chris has hit the nail on the head with his response to your question:
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> what difference does it really make if he has g/f now or not???
What difference did it make when she had a boyfriend? She perhaps thought the marriage was over? Why was it wrong then for her to date? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is something that EVERYONE who dates before divorce needs to think about long and hard. One of the reasons some states and Canada have the one year separation law is to give both parties a year to think and work on things, to seek counseling, etc. It's not for the purpose of doing "our own thing" while our WS are doing theirs. If my H files for divorce, I want to be able to stand before my family and God knowing without a doubt that I stood for my marriage 100%. My conscious is clear and my actions lined up with what I said, from my marriage vow 27 years ago to today.

Its 1 year from separation that you can file for divorce. I moved out on Sept 11 last year when she told me its over. By the way, I have a clear conscious. I asked her to come back 6 months ago and she said she wasn't interested. If she asked to come back now that wont be a problem for me because I don't want her back anymore. I believe I have complete liberty in the Lord to divorce her as my wife. I will afterall have all my good memories of our 22 years together. You all have the right to share your opinions with me, and for that I thank you, even if they are counter to my own.

Blessings!

I am having the same problem as you. My wife and have been married for 35 years now. I received a call from some women telling me I had better watch my wife. I knew we were in some trying times because I work in Stuttgart Germany and she works in Munich Germany; we only saw each other on the weekend;(if I was not on shift)Ihad been in a very bad motorcycle accident 10 years ago; and was verybadly broken up. I was having problems breathing and of course our sex life was not the best. I told Her Iwould see a doctor and get Viagra and anything else to help. I saw a doctor and he scheduled me to go to Walter Reed Hospital in Washington DC. for my breathing. As I was getting on the plane; I received a message on the cell phone from my wife she told me that she had found a new man and that she saw no future for us. she has been comitting adultery with this man for the past two month. I Love my wife so very much;and told her that I would forgive her adventure, to just come home. Last night on the phone She was very hard and told me she wanted a divorce. This I don't understand after 35 years of marrige. I think she is going through mid life change, I told her the door is always open and to come home. I still Love her.

niceguy...

I don't think anyone is against you getting a divorce. It's the GF that's the problem. You getting involved with someone else before your divorce is final. Or in your case, before papers have even been completed to file.

Regarding our opinions? It's not ours you need to be concerned about. It's having a "clear conscience" while going against your creator's will.

JMVHO.

S&C

All these people need to get over it niceguyjim........if you know in your heart its finished and your STBX does not want to stay married to you......I would move on. Thats just my opinion......just as these others have had theirs.

HEY! I have an idea......break up with your g/f, wait for your divorce to be final.....and then go out and get back with your g/f (hopefully she hasnt moved on). <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

God Bless You.

I would move on.
And you did. A whole 6 weeks after d-day. I'm kinda curious why "moving on" always means dating?

HEY! I have an idea......break up with your g/f, wait for your divorce to be final
No, your "advice" to everyone even remotely considering the idea is to go ahead and do it. You don't suggest for them to think about it and what affect it may have on them or their children.

......and then go out and get back with your g/f (hopefully she hasnt moved on).
And if she has moved on, she really wasn't worth it then. Besides, you can always "move on" some more.

You are hilarious Chris............not everyone wants to lay around and meditate on themselves for the next 10yrs. If a marriage is finished.........its finished period. I dont understand why you cant see that. Not everyone wants to wait on their wayward spouse (for years) to get their act together. Life is too short to be miserable all the time. Have a good day.

I hope you are happy.......I AM! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Last comments.
not everyone wants to lay around and meditate on themselves for the next 10yrs.
Who said anything about doing that?

If a marriage is finished.........its finished period.
If the marriage is "finished" then what does a divorce do? Why get one?

Not everyone wants to wait on their wayward spouse (for years) to get their act together.
Who said that?
You should probably read the posts you reply to before posting.
Not dating before a divorce does not mean you are waiting for your spouse to wake up.

If you are going to divorce, then do it. If you are going to date, then why aren't you filing for divorce? Oh, wait. The marriage is finished.
???

Hey Guys, lets not get nasty, this is an emotionally charged subject (obvious by the responses). Not everyone will agree for many different reasons, and thats okay, we are all accountable individually. We are all at different places in our walk with the Lord and our understanding of His Love, and His Grace. We will all also continue to make mistakes and learn lessons, I know I have. As for my girlfriend, I love her, she is a wonderful Christian woman, and breaking up with her would devastate her. I am not about to do that unless Christ, who lives in me and I in Him, leads me towards that end. God loves all of us, including my STBX, and He is and will continue to work on us all to be more like His Son (Jesus Christ). My prayer is that everyone participating here will appropriate Christ as their life (not just their Lord), and will understand that God doesn't condemn us for our actions or decisions if we know His Son, Jesus Christ, as our Lord and Saviour (Romans 8:1,2).

Blessings everyone!

My apologies for slamming on your thread, jim.
I pray for the best for you.

God doesn't condemn us for our actions or decisions if we know His Son, Jesus Christ, as our Lord and Saviour (Romans 8:1,2).
Your quote is sort of correct.

"1 There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.
2 For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus hath made me free from the law of sin and death."

<small>[ September 10, 2003, 09:53 AM: Message edited by: Chris -CA123 ]</small>

Paul speaking on the forgiveness and grace of God.

Ro: 6:1-2

1Well then, should we keep on sinning so that God can show us more and more kindness and forgiveness? 2Of course not! Since we have died to sin, how can we continue to live in it?

niceguyjim speaking on the forgiveness and grace of God.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">We are all at different places in our walk with the Lord and our understanding of His Love, and His Grace. We will all also continue to make mistakes and learn lessons, I know I have.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Compare the two and have a talk with God and your gf. Don't ignore the scripture you've been shown here. You never did address anyone's post that provided you scripture.

You provided scripture to support divorce and no one disagreed. But nothing to support you having a gf before your divorce is final.

Please hear my heart as I say this. This is not an attack on you. If you were standing right in front of me, I'd hug you and just ask you to think about the scripture you've been given.

Does your gf know about this post? If you are serious about her maybe you should discuss this with her. I mean she is a Christian and you should have no secrets from her and you should be able to discuss anything right (especially scripture). Have a devotion together on this subject. Because this does have an impact on her spiritual life too.

Mature Christians would not ignore scripture given to them. And young Christians should not pass up the chance to become mature Christians.

A brother in Christ.

S&C

<small>[ September 09, 2003, 12:56 PM: Message edited by: steadfast and committed ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Chris -CA123:
<strong>If you are going to divorce, then do it. If you are going to date, then why aren't you filing for divorce? Oh, wait. The marriage is finished.
???</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">All Im saying is.........If niceguyjim met his g/f two weeks before the divorce, what difference would it make if he dated her then or 10 seconds after the divorce is final. I mean, get real....... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Im sorry to attack you chris....its just that you try and find fault with everything everyone does.....if niceguyjim feel comfortable in what he is doing and has prayed about it, maybe that is the way he is being lead......who knows? This g/f may be the best thing that ever happened to him.

My wife whom I met a few weeks after my EX and I signed the divorce papers, and a few weeks before it was final are extremely happy. We love each other to death and are both god fearing. It is like god placed us together. I couldnt be happier to have such a sweet, loving, honest, and trust worthy spouse. She is my BEST FRIEND and soul mate......and I could care less what anyone thinks about when or how we met before my divorce was legally final.

God Bless you and have a great day.

<small>[ September 09, 2003, 12:42 PM: Message edited by: StartinOver ]</small>

(Okay, so one more post <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> )
its just that you try and find fault with everything everyone does
No, I don't. Because you and I disagree on dating while married does not mean I "find fault with everything everyone does".

I find fault with dating when married. That is not "everything everyone does".

I have no problem with niceguyjim divorcing.

If your going to make a point, at least try to be semi-accurate.

Your girlfriend is not an unbiased third party.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Chris -CA123:
<strong>(
I find fault with dating when married. That is not "everything everyone does".

</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">So, you call niceguyjim's wife out sleeping with other men....wanting to divorce him MARRIAGE???

sigh...
I DO understand your point of view, but I don't agree with it.
I guess I cannot understand your thought process though.

Why did you quote this, "I find fault with dating when married. That is not "everything everyone does""
It has nothing to do with the following statement.

So, you call niceguyjim's wife out sleeping with other men....wanting to divorce him MARRIAGE???
Are they married? Yes.
Is she acting married? No.

<small>[ September 09, 2003, 04:20 PM: Message edited by: Chris -CA123 ]</small>