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Joined: Apr 2000
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I haven't posted my own thread in quite a while but I lurk every now and then. Today was sort of spooky. To give a brief recap, I came here in the midst of a financial crisis, preceded by a downward spiral of several years. There wasn't infidelity in the usual sense. The marriage died from starvation. I want something more than a marriage void of intimacy, kind words, support. I had none of these things. The marriage died, and part of me died with it. He hasn't made one effort toward reconciliation since we separated early last year.

Last year, we filed bankruptcy. This summer has been division of household contents. Today, I worked on papers for an uncontested divorce (which may or may not happen). Today, the bird that belongs to him, the bird I've cared for since he left, died. He used to dote on that bird. The doting faded, turned to neglect. Eventually the bird was abandoned. I find it ironic how the bird is a reflection of the marriage in so many ways, how it died on the day I work on divorce papers. That's my update in a nutshell.

My question regarding divorce relates to military benefits. I'm not even sure what to ask. He's a vietnam vet. Did one tour, signed up for a second, survived a helicopter crash and was honorably discharged. He's 12 years older than I, doesn't care for himself very well, and even though he's a tough bird, I don't expect he'll live to a ripe old age. I got to thinking, if we stayed married and I outlived him, wouldn't I be eligible for benefits from the veteran administration? Assuming that answer is a yes, what happens to those benefits in the event of a divorce?

I'd love to heard from anyone, whether it's just to say hi or to offer some guidance on what and who to ask about the military stuff.

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I'm sorry about the bird, it is ironic how things happen in life.

I am not sure about benefits from the VA for a spouse or former spouse.

You said discharged not retired. There are benefits for former spouses of those that have retired and as the fs you were married during their active duty time for 20 years. That is where I fall, that is why I know what I know.

I would suggest you call the VA, but don't be suprised if there is nothing.

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

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I'm sorry to hear about your bird. I hope it went peacefully.
Does your husband receive VA Disability Benefits?
Have you been married longer than 10 years?
--not trying to be nosey, just that this would help. However, call 1-800-827-1000 and don't push any buttons - you'll get thru to a Benefits Counselor MUCH FASTER. Have your husband's Social Security Number handy - it will be exactly the same as his Claim Number. You can also get some info - not personal, but general info by visiting their webpage: www.va.gov hope this helps.
Best wishes.
Harold

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Thanks daybreak and djtb. He wasn't career military but drafted for vietnam. My profile says married in '86, but I think it was really 87. He doesn't receive disability, but I think he could if he applied.

I actually had another spooky moment yesterday when I was typing the original post. I had typed 'was a veteran' instead of 'is a veteran'. It would be just like him to croak the same day as his bird. No calls, though, so I guess he's still alive and kicking.

I looked at the va.gov site and found this list for documents a surviving spouse would need:
the veteran's discharge certificate or DD 214
the veteran's VA claim's number or Social Security number
the veteran's death certificate
Government life insurance policy
a copy of all marriage certificates and divorce decrees (if any)
a copy of each child's birth certificate (or adoption order)

Since it says marriage certificate and divorce decree, that leads me to think there might be something looking into.

I don't know what the government life insurance policy is though. Do you?

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Geez, never mind! I just looked at the chart. A surviving spouse with no dependents is eligible for benefits if the annual income is less than $6,497. Someone earning less than that would receive money from the va to bring them up to that level. A person working a minimum wage job earns more than that!

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One other thing: my wife was once married to a veteran and he was in the process of filing for VA Disability - they had been married nearly 19 years.
Well, he died before they could finish processing his claim...
Know what she was able to claim from the VA?
Yep, not one single thin penny!
He must have filed a claim and be receiving Disability Benefits before you can claim on him. I'm not sure about Pensions - I do know my wife can't collect anything there either regarding her former husband.
HLT
PS - Once a Veteran, ALWAYS a Veteran! There is no 'once was' it is ALWAYS!
God bless America!
HLT

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Thanks for the further insight djtb, not that I liked what you had to say! That is so sickening!

I have a draft of uncontested divorce papers prepared. I plan to seek legal advice and have the papers evaluated. I will ask if the divorce papers should mention anything about his military service, even though it looks like a waste of time at this point. He tends to get riled up over his time in vietnam, and the last thing I need is one more point of aggravation.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">PS - Once a Veteran, ALWAYS a Veteran! There is no 'once was' it is ALWAYS!
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes, absolutely. That's why I got a chill up my spine when I realized I'd typed 'was a veteran.' I have a lot of intuition, but fortunately this time it was just a typo. I want a divorce, not a funeral!

edit: or am I misunderstanding? Is veteran status referred to in the present tense even in postmortem?

<small>[ September 10, 2003, 10:10 PM: Message edited by: lonesome heart ]</small>

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Hi LH! Yes, it is. Eg. 'The Veteran's burial was in ------ Cemetery at ----' fill in the verbage. Yes, even in death.
I do sincerely wish you the very best of fortune (I don't really believe in luck) with this very lousy situation with your husband.
May the Lord bless you and keep you.
Harold

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Thanks djtb. What does HLT stand for?

In the event I do outlive him, at least I know his wishes. He wants to be cremated and tossed out the window of a car driving 55 mph. I asked him to PLEASE pick something else! I object to the thought that part of him will end up in the back seat, subject to vacuuming! But he's stubborn and never said anything else. These days, I'm grateful to know. A friend of mine lost his mom this year. She said lots of things that she didn't want, but never made a final choice. Six months later the family's still arguing about what to do.

I don't like being in such a dark mood. Facing up to the divorce papers seems like a funeral service for a loved one that's been missing in action for many years. This afternoon I'll try to discuss financial statements with stbx. ugh and icky poo!

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Hi LH! HLT are my initials: Harold L. T. I don't like posting my full name on here. I also use DJTB which is 'DJ T-Bird' - I mostly hang in 'The Kingdom Of Caerlon' where I play the 'role' of Disk Jockey there and post song lyrics!
Yah, I can identify with the cremation bit - I told my wife when I die I want cremation and throw my ashes to the wind. Wherever is her choice. I really don't want to sit in an urn over the fireplace being just another decoration around the house!
But I don't know - I mean, like, there is so much other stuff in life than to waste time worrying about what are they going to do with my ashes.
When it comes to our own mortality, it DOES cause dark thoughts and moods. I have realized my own mortality at times - being mid-aged, but I look at death like the lottery - when your number comes up that's it; you have no choice in the matter. And of course, life up there is certainly going to be a lot better than it is down here!
God bless, Harold <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />


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