Its been quite a long time since I have posted or even visited the MB website...I think honestly the pain of actually going through the D made me a bit skeptical of all the work I had done to save my marriage. But it was finally finished in March, the 6th, the same day as my birthday and it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. Just got a letter in the mail from the court, saying that was it! Since then we have spoken a few times...but what I am finding most interesting is that I can't really stop thinking about her, in a positive way I mean. I really miss her, we haven't lived together for two years, haven't had any physical contact of any kind, but I keep thinking about "what if". At this point, she has said that she's started dating others, I have gone out a bit too, but what I really want to do is call her, and say, can we go to lunch? I actually did ask in an e-mail, but she responded with "I don't see what good that will do". Interesting huh? So I guess I am wondering if I should just back off and let her make a move or if I should be a bit more involved and show her that I am willing to put myself out there for her. So surreal this whole thing, but honestly folks, I still love my wife and still believe that God has a purpose for putting us together and that we can make it work someday, somehow...

MissingHer...

I don't know your circumstances, but I too believe that your marriage can be healed and that there is hope. I say this becuase I know the God who can heal and restore the most broken and "impossible" of people and relationships. He is more than able!

I am not sure how to advise you. I think it'd be wonderful if the two of you got together! But I don't know the state of her heart and if she is hard towards you. So I'm not sure how, if, when you should ask. BUT... she's not married and many marriages have been restored even AFTER divorce!

I would advise you to serioulsy bathe it in PRAYER! And to study God's Word and what is says and to find counsel there. I will also recommend a couple of websites to you. Both of them are marriage reconciliation sites where both couples who run them divorced (after adultery) and remarried... both 2 yrs. after their divorce.

I also am praying/seeking for reconciliation with my husband and hear myself in you becaues I still love him so much. He is very hard towards me though so I have had to "back off" and sometimes you have to. BUT, if she is open to you, then I certainly would not let that opportunity get by.

I pray for you for wisdom and discernment, and courage and patience as well!!

God bless and I do pray with you that God restores your marriage! How truly wonderful that would be!! NOTHING is impossible with Him, especially when His children are praying and walking in obedience!

Here are the sites. Read some testimonies. They are powerful! Also, Rejoice Ministries has a free devotional that you can get emailed each day. It's very good.:

Restore Ministries: www.restorem.org
Rejoice Ministries: www.rejoiceministries.org

P.S. Be discerning with any advice you receive because you will get alot of "move on" advice telling you that you are not healthy, etc. for still loving your wife. It's not true and guard your heart against any advice that is contrary to God's Word.

God bless you Brother! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I wish you were my husband missing me! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

MissingHer--

You could ask her out again, and if you get this response---

--"I don't see what good that will do". --

You could say that you aren't expecting anything
you just want to go to lunch or coffee, and talk
maybe get to know her as a friend again..

I know a couple who were married 5 years, got divorced, dated and a year later remarried--that was 15 years ago...

They have both said it took time talking, working through the pain, and just learning to be friends--they didn't want the *same* marriage as before--
they wanted a different marriage..just with the same person--maybe you and your ex could get to that point--

<small>[ September 11, 2003, 06:48 AM: Message edited by: ThornedRose ]</small>

Thank you for the reply's...
I think the toughest part of all of this, is being the one who wants reconciliation and having no idea what the other person is thinking. Every indication that has come my way has been that she is moving on and that she wants nothing to do with me. Her quick move onto the dating scene I think helps me to confirm that. I guess that is what causes me to wonder how this can ever be anything more than just a bad life experience that I must move on from. Lovemyex, I know the power of God in reconciliation..I come from a broken home that God miraculously put back together after 8 years...similar but different case here. We have no kids to tie us together, we have nothing but some debt and a history of off and on!! The main thing is that if we are going to build something it has to start somewhere and that is where I am frustrated. I am terrified of calling...terrified of more rejection...terrified of having my heart crushed by this woman who I still have so much feeling for.

Missing her,

The couple I mentioned in the earlier post..didn't
have kids when they divorced either--

If you can get her to go out..then try going back to places you went before you married...rekindle those memories..

Missing her,, there are reconnection steps.
try preparing an opening statement, in this include her fears and points of resistance. Make clear that there are immediate and meaningful benefits for *her!* IF she can see whats in it for *her* the resistance becomes less.

What homework have/are you doing, to learn about relationships? You do not want to point out anything directly benefitting the you.
Always continue working on improving you!

When was the last time you have asked her,, what can i do for you?

The next time you decide to ask her out, try asking her, if you can consider this,(going out) whats her favorite restraunt? Maybe for just a quick choco shake, something small.
assure her you don't want an answew at that moment, but ask if she can consider thinking about it for a few days, after day one, try sending /giving something extremely small. Nothing to benefit you! There are to be no price tags. These are just suggestions, there are no guarantees.
You'll need to accept/learn to take small baby steps.

It is the desire of Gods heart to reconcile all marriages, *that none shall parish* 2Cor5:18
Its never too late!!!

Really, all thats required, is an "open mind!"

Pay attention to LoveMyEx advice, and get right with God, get in the *word*
Have/did you two attend church?

Hello to you LoveMyEx!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I'm STILL STANDING!!!

I love hearing the stories of the reconciled marriages! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I know they don't always happen, but I always love to hear them. Even though a couple doesn't have kids, they do have a marital bond and that is strong. I was married for less time to my husband than the amount of time I have dated some guys, but the bond with my husband was much stronger simply because he was my husband. Remember that "God joins together" and God makes them "one." It is something only He can do. So even though you feel you don't have common bonds with her, you do have that... and you do have a God who loves to heal and reconcile.

I think it is normal for people to think they are supposed to "move on" after divorce. And also that people date. They are hurting and often look to a new relationship to help with the pain and so they don't have to think about their spouse... or wonder, etc. But I've heard of reconcililiations after one spouse has been engaged or had an affair, etc.

If you want to reconcile, you need to be in prayer and also be wise about how to "win" your wife back. I know that sounds like some game... but just think back to dating. When we date, we sort of "win" the other over to us. It is not impossible to reconcile. Don't give up before even trying. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Although I don't think it's a game or manipulation, but it is something you will have to put effort into. It isn't an easy thing... reconciling, but it can be a very good thing.

I wish I knew how exactly to advise you on what exactly to do as far as specifics (like call her, etc) but I don't know your wife and you. It doesn't sound like she is completely hardened towards you. I think you should begin with prayer. Ask the Lord for wisdom and guidance. Don't do anything rashly. Visit those sites I mentioned. Work on yourself also. Whatever it was that your wife didn't like before... have you worked on those things? Did you seek her forgiveness? Have you humbled yourself, etc?

I think as you seek the Lord and give this to Him in prayer, He will give you courage and wisdom and your fears will lessen. Also, IF your heart is crushed, which it might be even if you do reconcile, God can give you the strength to bear that. Love is not pain free.

I would love to hear a little more about the 8 year reconciliation you mentioned. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

God be with you. I think it's wonderful that you are were you are, wanting to love your wife and be with her as a husband. I think God will bless that desire of yours and if you seek Him in this, I think He will help you and guide you.

Hi Stephen! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I have still been praying for you, your wife, and your marriage. I am glad you are hanging in there. God bless! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hi LoveMyEx, and i for you too,,, and Thank you,
Thank You God.

Thanks Stephen (for the prayers)! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />