I have been married 6 years. To a man who I thought loved me more than life itself(in the beginning). But a year into the marriage I thought he was cheating..a year later I found out I was right. I was taking a nap with my 2year old D and 3months pregnant with our second and the phone rang and it was her. Telling me she was prego and she already had 2 abort. by my husband. I was devistated. I punished my husband for a good year throwing it in his face every chance I had, I drove him into the ground. So he took a job out of state for awhile. That was 2years ago...just a month ago I found out my husband continued having affairs, and another prego with some girl, he was going to porn sites..you get the point..But get this...this past Dec. I got prego with our 3D come to find out in Feb. he was cheating again..in March I had a accident and was burned badly in a fire was hospitalized for 6 weeks had grafts and I am completely disfigured from chin to knees. Out of the hospital husband leaves me. I have therapy 5days a week, and hurt from the burns I also have 2 daughters to care for and was 5 months prego. Just had my baby Sept.4th. Husband has seen her once. I hadn't seen him in over a month before I had her, he refused to talk to me, wiped out the bank account,and tried to take our other kids, but failed in that. I had no choice but to file for divorce, since he decided to shack up with one of the many girls he is currently seeing. needless to say there is alot more to my story. Although he sounds bad, after I read the Dr.s basics and all his materials, I realized how much I was at fault for whats happened. I never met my husbands basic needs, I always wanted and needed, and if he didn't do as I wanted I threw a fit. I regret that I turned a good person into what he is today, he blames me with so much hatered that I destroyed everything. I have come to a place of forgivness for what he's put me through, I want so desperately for him to come back and make things work but he won't. I have learned to late about "marriage" and being a "wife". Wish I knew years ago, what I learned in reading the Dr.s materials. I love my husband. Can anyone make him come home?
Need help with the baby, so tired, need to be loved, and held. Need to share the new things the baby does everyday, need to have my kids stop hurting for their dad. I want to stop hurting. I cry every night.....Loved my husband too late.
Miss him desperately, want to do better by him. Want to talk with him, and laugh with him, and look into his eyes and see love again. How does the wanting and needing go away? How do you make it through a day, a week, a month all alone, knowing he has someone fufilling every need he has. Do you all cry for that someone you love? Do you hate the thought about dating, and wondering if, if, you'll ever meet anyone else? If you'll ever get over your first love? If anyone will see beyond my disfigurment. Sorry so long winded...post replys..love to hear from you

Hi Jshawfamily,

I am truly sorry for all the pain you are feeling and all that has occurred in your marriage. It sounds as if both you and your husband have sinned in different ways and as a result, your marriage is greatly hurting... to the point of its destruction.

Do you know the Lord? You know, God is a good and loving God and He is able to do all things. He can heal the most broken person and the most hopeless of relationships. He has no desire whatsoever for your husband to be unfaithful to you, or for you to be the wife you described yourself to be, or for your children to grow up without both parents at home, or for your marriage to not be healed. None of these things are good in any way and they will only leave hurt upon hurt upon hurt.

God is a God who forgives. You need to forgive your husband for his unfaithfulness, although I also believe you need more help in that area than I am qualified to offer. It would not be good if you stayed married and your husband still had affairs. He is truly destroying not only your family, but also himself, through this. As well as the other women and their unborn babies. I cannot even imagine the extent of hurt that this all must cause you...

Ask the Lord for forgiveness for your sins and then accept it! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Do not condemn yourself but accept His forgiveness. You have recognized your sins as a wife and that is the first step towards growth and change. Also do not carry the burden of your husband's sins. He is responsible before the Lord for his choices and actions, just as you are for yours. It is true that you may have done things to push him away or to embitter him, but he still is responsible for the choices he has made. Accept the Lord's forgiveness for whatever you have done and then with His help, change those behaviors.

You yourself won't be able to "make" your husband change or to come back to you. However, God can! God can both change him and "make" him come back. God is the same today, yesterday, and forever and He is a God who has done many, many miracles. I do not foresee any of this being very easy though and think you need some counsel because of the serious nature of your husband's actions (adultery, emptying bank account, etc). However, please do not leave God out of it. He is the greatest counselor of all, and you truly need His guidance in how to handle this. Sometimes, God has us do things that people would say not to do or that is foolish. But God is trustworthy and you truly need to seek Him first and ask Him for help.

I believe that your husband opened a door to something very destructive... pornography and the affairs. It is as if they have a "hook" in him, dragging him towards death (death of his soul, death of your marriage, death of his dignity, death of faithfulness, etc).

As Christians, we know that there is an enemy who hates us. His name is Satan and he is an enemy of God. He wants nothing more than to destroy all creations of God (us people!) and all the good things that God created, such as marriage and family. He HATES us. He deceives us as well. He tells us lies. It is my opinion, that your husband has been deceived and he gave into Satan's lies adn temptations. Just as you did when you thought it was okay to throw fits. As a result, Satan has what is called a "foothold" in his life (your husband). That hook is.... well, it's as if Satan is a fisherman who has literally hooked your husband with bait. Your husband was tempted by the bait and bit, not realizing that at that moment, Satan had "hooked" him and was dragging him away from all that was good and right and true.

The Bible says in James 1:13-15 "Each one [person] is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. Then, after desire is conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.

Temptation leads to sin which ultimately leads to death (not necessarily physical).

When I read your post, my first thoughts were how much you two need the Lord in your lives. Other thoughts are that the Lord CAN heal and restore your marriage. In the Bible, Jesus brought dead people back to life! If he can bring a dead person back to life, certainly He can bring a dead marriage to life.

But definitely there are some very serious issues here (your husband's affairs mostly). I know that God wouldn't want your husband to be having affairs and unfaithful to you. So, while He can restore your marriage, and I believe wants to as well, He also wants to change your husband and bring him to repentance so he will not commit adultery any more!

I know there is much to your story and lives that we reading cannot possibly know. You need to confess your sins to God and then accept His forgiveness and also, if the opportunity arises, seek your husband's forgiveness as well. But you cannot carry the burden or blame for your husband's sins. It is very likely that yes, you embittered him through your words, etc (I embittered my husband), BUT he is responsible for his actions and no matter what you did, that does not justify him having an affair. The Bible clearly says that adultery is sin. However, I know this sounds "crazy" BUT you do need to forgive him and not focus on his sins but only your own. Allow the Lord to change him and you do what you need to to change you. You also probably need some "boundaries" although it sounds as if he's not coming around at all. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> Even though you need to forgive him (it is commanded in the Bible that we forgive others), it does not mean you should have him back in your home now. He might have a sexual disease even from all his infidelity, and this is where I feel unqualified to counsel you, but sexual sin is very grave and serious for many reasons.

I know that this has got to be a very difficult thing for you. I wish I could help you in person... babysit or do something. There are ministries and churches that can help though. Do you go to church? I would encourage you to seek a church in your area. Call them and ask if you can meet with a pastor. Share your situation. Ask for help. You need support through this.

Your husband has in essence abandoned you in many ways. Your grief, in a way, is good. Because the only other choice would be to hate him and harden your own heart. As hard as it is to miss him and love him, I think it is better than the alternative which would be to become hateful.

And yes, I miss my husband desperately. I want to talk with him and see him. The wanting and needing has not gone away and it has been 10 mos. I don't know how it does go away other than with time and the Lord. How do you get through the days? Not easily. There is no easy way. For me, I often cry, but I also pray and pray and sometimes fast. I ask others to pray for me. I go to church and try to be involved in ministry. I try to help others. Helping others helps me to not focus on my own self. Yes, I cry for him and yes, I hate the thought of dating. I spend alot of time in my Bible and trying to work on myself. I forgive and I seek a quiet, gentle spirit in which I trust the Lord and beleive that He will see me through. But it definitely has been a time of great heartache and I don't know that there is any way out of feeling that sort of pain (other than to become hard and hateful which is not good).

The things you are feeling are very natural/normal. Please do not believe though that you have made your husband who he is. Like I said, he is responsible for his choices. He will shift blame to you because that is how Satan works. He doesn't want us to face up to our own sins. That way, we never get better. We never repent and seek God if we just blame others for making us do things.

I am writing your name on my prayer list and will pray for you. I wish I knew some ministries I could refer you to. I will look and see if I can find some.

I really do believe though that you need to seek help from a church. You and your children need support, including financial. Also you could maybe get a referal to a counselor. You need guidance that I feel unqualified to give since I only know some details and since I am not a qualified counselor.

I do know that God is a very, VERY almighty and powerful God. Nothing is too difficult for Him. He can heal your marriage. And, if that does not happen, He can still heal and restore you and your joy. The Bible says that He is close to the brokenhearted. He also has a very tender heart for orphans and widows, and really that is what you and your children are. Trust in Him and cry out to Him. He will hear you and He will help you. He will get you through this.

I will pray for your husband as well. He is very, very "lost" and on a path of destruction in so many ways. I fear for him. I know that you are not blameless in your marriage, but I really see your husband truly destroying his life and taking many down with him. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> I pray that God will get hold of him and open his eyes and bring him to his knees in true sorrow over his sins. I also pray that God strengthens you, comforts you, and gives you an inner peace and rest in the midst of the pain you feel.

I wish I could do more for you. Please don't hesitate to seek help from a church. That is what they are there for! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I will be praying.

Here are two websites that helped me. They are marriage sites. One is www.restorem.org and the other is www.rejoiceministries.org

I do not know if you will be interested in them or find them helpful. They helped me alot, but I did not face the type of gravity that you are facing/have faced. I wish I also knew of some other references for you but I don't.

Has your husband ever stated why he has had these affairs? Or for instance, why recently he would not talk with you? What are his feelings re: divorce? Did he ever apologize for the first affairs?

Again, I will be praying...

Last year I was feeling much the same as you do now. I had been betrayed by my H over and over, he had left me to live with another woman, and I wanted him back desperately. I found MB and also thought I wasn't meeting my H's needs. I also did other research, bought some books, and came to the further conclusion that my H was a sex addict and I was codependent.

I used the concepts here, and also the Divorce Busting concepts, and tried to just get on with my life. I stopped begging my H to come home and just acted "as if" I was quite happy without him.

Within a couple of weeks of doing that, he was asking to come home. Which I let him do.

I continued to work on myself -- counseling, some CODA meetings, e-mail support groups for partners of sex addicts.

And in July, when he confessed to yet another affair, I was able to ask him to leave and stick by that decision -- I'm healthy enough now to take care of myself and more importantly, my children. Not that I don't still miss him and want him back, I do. But it's not as consuming as it was before. And I also know now that if he is not in an active recovery for his sex addiction, he will likely do this again and again. I choose not to live that way.

I would suggest you read "Out of the Shadows" or "Don't Call it Love" by Patrick Carnes. If you think your spouse is a sex addict, there is support available -- try a web search for "support for co-sex addicts". I'd also suggest you read "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie. I scoffed at the idea of myself as codependent until I read that book. It really opened my eyes.