I have suspected my H of cheating during the entire 2 years of our marriage. We have a 22 month old son together and we have been together for nearly 5 years. I have caught him many times in lies about where he has been and suspected him of cheating with many women. I recently found out that some friends of mine (a couple) know the girl that I suspect my H of cheating with recently. This girl does not know that they know me or my husband. I asked these friends yesterday if they knew of anything or if they could find out what they could about what is going on with this girl and my H. Now, they have invited me out to dinner tonight to "tell me what they know" and I have a very strong feeling they are about to confirm my suspicions. This couple is a very good realiable source of information and I trust them.<P>I do not know what to do or even what to say to my H once this is revealed to me. Does anyone have any advice?<P><BR>

I hope with all my heart you are wrong about this, but...<P>My advice to you is if your friends do confirm your suspicions that you dont do anything right now. You will be very angry tonight. you will not know what to do or where to turn. Dont tell anybody else yet. You need to think about yourself and think very clearly before you say anything to anyone. <P>The best thing that you can do, and hopefully you will be alone and not with your H, is to get out a piece of paper and write down how you are feeling. write a letter to your H, write it as if you were talking directly to him. get mad, get upset, but get it out of your system.<P>then, you need to get a clear plan together. You know your H best. go through all the scenarios. will he get mad at you, break down, leave. think about how you will react to all of these scenarios. <P>this is the best advice that i can give you. i did wait about 6 days before confronting my H, and it killed me, but i am glad that i did. i was more in control when i did finally confront him. it is not going to help by slinging mud and around and that is what will happen if you confront him too soon. <P>good luck and let me know what happens. i'll be thinking of you tonight. <p>[This message has been edited by kasey (edited September 03, 1999).]

Veronica,<P>Please let us know what you found out. <P>I agree, it is good to wait a little while before you make any decisions. You want to make the best decisions you can, and while you are upset or angry, you are at a disadvantage. You need all the advantage you can muster.<P>Keep posting!<P>I'll be thinking of you tonight too.

it's better to know .....hard, but better<P>------------------<BR>Kellie<BR>Sometimes Love Just Ain't Enough<P><BR>

Veronica -<P>I'm sorry - this must be so difficult!!<P>The advice you've gotten so far is very good. Come here and let us help you with whatever approach you need to take next - whatever the outcome.<P>You're in my prayers.<P>Hugs and Strength,<P>Sheba

Dear Veronica:<BR>Question for you: What do you think you would do? I was just curious. The other members gave you good advice. It's never a good idea to jump into something when you are so hurt and your mind is racing with all kinds of thoughts that are not clear. <BR>Unfortunetly I have been in the same situation in my past with someone else. I was also told by several people that my boyfriend (then) was cheating on me with this girl that I knew. Well, one night , I told him I was off to work. Insteaed, I called out and decided to borrow my friends car (who he would never even suspect) and follow him around to where he goes and catch him with her to see if everyone was right. I did and guess what, they were all right. I caught him walking out of a restaurant with her ( I followed them there to see how they would act together and waited in the parkinglot). They came out and started kissing (embraced) passionatly. It nearly broke my heart. My heart started racing and pounding. I felt hurt, resentful, furious and felt like such an idiot for being played like that. I jumped out of my car and ran over and tapped him on the shoulder. They both looked at me with shock!! Needless to say, of course, he denied it. I ended it. He never told me why. But, I found out what I needed to know. This is what happened to me. I am not saying you should do what I did, but, this was my way of confirming it. Sometimes, everyone can tell you the same thing but the hard part is is that you will denyit up and down like I did. This is why I pursued in finding out for myself. A food for thought. Please let me know what you decide todo. I'm really curious. Your friend, Katya

Definitely think before you act and DO NOT ACT OUT OF ANGER OR HURT!!!!!<P>You need a clear head to make good decisions. Get your info and if it is bad, sit on it a while. You will be glad you did. Very good advice here - do not act hastily.

Definitely think before you act and DO NOT ACT OUT OF ANGER OR HURT!!!!!<P>You need a clear head to make good decisions. Get your info and if it is bad, sit on it a while. You will be glad you did. Very good advice here - do not act hastily.

OK....so my suspicions were correct. My husbands best friend's wife spilled the beans....tonight she informed me of not only 1 infedelity but many. There have been many one night stands and a present girlfriend????? I know what I want to do now...but have taken the advise to wait and think. My most consern is about our son...who is almost 2. I want to kick my husbands face in...but don't want to make the wrong descions...in the past I have gotten frustrated, and angry...left and then came back...He doesn't deserve me...And I want OUT! Please advise......And thank you for being there!!! XOXOXOXO

Veronica -- I'm so sorry for you. I wish I knew a way that we could all use to "undo" what has been done.<P>Some things you might want to consider . . .BEFORE you confront you H with the information you now have, you need to decide EXACTLY what you want. Do you want to continue your marriage?<P>IF your answer is yes, then I would first prepare yourself for a very long hard ride.<P>When you are ready, then try to plan out exactly what it is you are going to say to your H. This next part is VERY VERY difficult, but you must try your very best to NOT allow this conversation to become a yelling/screaming match. Tell your H what you know, what you feel and what you want. Be completely honest, and see what happens.<P>When I confronted my W about her affair, I did not yell, I did not scream, I don't think I spoke much above a whisper. . . It's been been almost 7 months since that conversation, and we still have a long way to go together. Things are much much better, but it is still very hard.<P>Either way, please continue to come here. You will find many people who are willing to help you in any way we can.<P>Good Luck and God Bless