My husband has started the paperwork to divorce me after 10 years of marriage. He has hurt me so terribly. This is an encredibly painful experience. How do I get through the discussions and handling the technicalities without feeling this terrible sense of pain and doom.

I don't know how to do it.

Any advise?

You've probably already heard this... but exercise and anti-depressants. The exercise is a great release. I suggest something physically demanding and involving so much so that your thoughts don't roam and become morose...
- Kickboxing
- Boxing
- Martial arts
- Weight lifting, etc.

And, it's really fun to be getting all svelte and trim and make your spouse eat their heart out at what they're losing. (wicked grin).

Now, you're never going to feel like actually exercising. You'll want to crawl under your bed and die. But, if you can get out, and plug some loud and rowdy tunes into a player and even start walking... just open your arms and scream when no one's around... let it all out. And, when you're feeling particularly overwhelmed, find something special for JUST YOU and say, "This is my special thing." For me, it was wearing new socks... go figure. There's something about how they feel. Be a little crazy; be a little fun.

Not only will it help you cope, but it'll give you an interesting edge for that bright day when either your spouse gets their act together or you have to face the next "D" word - DATING.

well, i already exersize pretty vigorously almost every day. I'm training for a marathon right now. I have been taking St John's Wort. I guess there isn't any way to make this easier right now.

Does it get easier and how long does it last?

I don't think there's any easy way to get through it. I think that is why it says in the Bible that God "HATES" divorce. It is literally heart-breaking, even for the one who "wants" it. For me, I could not have gotten through it without the Lord. I have often just cried to him and prayed and read words of comfort in the Bible. Also, it has helped me many times when others have prayed with me or for me. I think that having a church family is sooooo helpful because going through it alone is awful... your mind and emotions don't do well when isolated. I am still going through it though. It still is not easy and it's been 10 mos.

Actually, another thing that has helped me alot has been my own study of divorce/remarriage/marriage. Listening to various sermons on divorce and reading things and realizing that it is very normal for me to feel as devestated as I have. And realizing that all people who go thruogh divorce struggle with many similar things. Also, I receive emails from a marriage ministry. And I read things by them and another marriage ministry, and they have helped me alot.

I don't know if that helps you at all. I am sorry for your pain. I know that it is awful. I think the one thing that is the worst thing you can do is to isolate yourself and I have done that often. But it's also not good to just talk to others and simply have a "bash your ex-spouse" session. I found that that didn't help me at all either! It has helped when I have told others that I am hurting and need prayer. I haven't wanted to hear "he's a jerk" or stuff like that, so I don't go into detail. That kind of stuff honestly doesn't help except to get you all mad and upset, perhaps reliving all the stuff. But when I have just said, I need prayer, I am hurting, etc., well, that has helped.

There is no timeline of how long it will take. It is my belief that some people never get over it. And some people seem to get over it but later in life face deep regret and remorse. The best way I think is to just go through it. Allow the grieving and know that it takes time to heal.

You know, I just reread your topic. You are not divorced yet. Do you want this divorce? Do you want to stay married? Please see www.restorem.org if you are wanting to stay married.

Divorce is an AWFUL, awful thing that I wouldn't wish on anyone! There are things you can do to save your marriage if you are willing. Divorce is not the death penalty and many people even reconcile AFTER divorce! I will share more if you would like to know more about saving your marriage... but I'm not a counselor or expert. That website is really good though. Also this one too www.rejoiceministries.org

God bless you and I pray right now that He gives you wisdom and strength during this time. I remember when it was happening (my husband divorcing me), I was filled with much despair and almost a feeling of panic. A distraughtness. It was an awful, awful time. But, I do look back and beleive I could have done things differently, both to save my marriage and also to have gone through it with less emotional distraughtness.

Before you think St. John's Wort is "all that", you might want to go to the "All Things Considered" at www.npr.org and here their feature on herbal substances. Bear in mind that herbal medications may negatively affect any prescriptions you are taking. Not all herbal products are created equal. A lot of herbal remedy manufacturers make claims which are unsubstantiated.

A good counselor with whom you really connect is well worth the investment. They can't do the work to make you feel better but they can validate your feelings and help you to see things to which you are presently blind.

There has been many negatives about St. Johns Wart. I for one was told my by GYN to quit taking it, and now take Holy Basil.

Exercise, I did, and walked and talked and cried a lot. I lost weight, and felt great. I still cry, but unable to walk for the injury that my x-husband caused to my back. I am now 20# overweight. I am trying to walk but the spasms come back. Talk to your pastor is helpful, and talking to a counselor helps too.

The pain will never go away, I am told. It will be less in time, but for the next 3 years, after the divorce expect the pain to be pretty painful. That is how long it takes for the pain to subside and you can really get back to a normal sort of life.

Sorry, this is happening, Yes, God does hate divorce. But my x-husband wanted the divorce, and after he injured me, I was forced by my instinct and the police telling me to get a lawyer, that this had to happen. As of now, we talk very little, cause my x-hsuband is argumentive, and even with the kids he is argumentive. Like tonight, my son and him got into a argument, over the phone. X-hsuband doesn't see anything wrong with him, it is everyone else that is wrong. Makes me sad, cause I still love this guy, and he is now sort of mixed up, and seems to have satan in his life. He does not attend church. I have asked him to attend church with me, but he won't. So I am moving on without him, and he doesn't seem to care one way or the other. So the betrayed get burnt, and the wayward spouse feels no pain whatsoever.

Would like to hear more about your marathon. Where are you going to do the marathon? And how long is it? I am proud to hear you are ready and working on your body. Good to hear. Be careful of the herbal meds. There are some that should not be taken at all. And St. Johns Wart is one. I have 2 bottles that I have, that I would love to return, but unable to . Look into Holy Basil.