</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It is your wife option if she wants to stay married since she is a non believer and you are. You cannot divorce your wife because you have a higher standard to live by. Your life has to be a witness. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I guess this answer depends on if you are referring to me. I would have to go with the verses in Matthew 5:32, Matthew 19:8, I corinthians 7:12 and Matthew 19:9. Saying that marital unfaithfulness is the only grounds for divorce. Our life is to serve as a witness, but we are not required to stay in an abusive situation or taken advantage of if someone is unfaithful.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
If both spouses are believers, commiting A still does not warrent a divorce. The only time a divorce can occur is if the WS is committing A and the WS wants a divorce because the are not willing to give the OP up and wants the divorce to remarry the OP. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I have to disagree with this one too. That would give everyone the right to have affairs and force their spouse to stick around.

"Matthew 19:9
I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery."

I corinthians 7:15 also says if the unbeliever leaves, let them go.

Eduard,

Those scriptures you mentioned are your guiding light and answer from the Lord. I also agree that you do have the grounds for divorce, but you don't have to divorce. It comes to depend on the both of you, whether you can come to a point to agree to reconcile. How can two walk together unless they be in agreement?

Sent with Love, Ladysheep

"I guess this answer depends on if you are referring to me. I would have to go with the verses in Matthew 5:32, Matthew 19:8, I corinthians 7:12 and Matthew 19:9. Saying that marital unfaithfulness is the only grounds for divorce. Our life is to serve as a witness, but we are not required to stay in an abusive situation or taken advantage of if someone is unfaithful."

Is you wife still committing A? If your wife is continuing the A then you can pursue divorce but if the A has ended then these verses does not give the right to divorce. Matthew 19 describes how the two shall become one flesh. Even if A occurs, the lord wants forgiveness and restoration of the marriage. The Lord never wants divorce. If the WS continues the A then divorce can occur but if the WS stops the A, then the reason for the divorce is removed. If you are praying for his will, you know his will. He wants the restoration of the marriage. There is no question about it. His will for you is to try to reconcile, not to pursue divorce.

?I feel staying with an unbeliever may just cause more problems being unequally yoked. I tried it once my way so I hate to go down that beaten path again.?

This was a decision you made before marriage. Now that you have made that decision, you can?t go back and use the A as justification for not continuing the marriage. Again, his will is for you to try to reconcile the marriage. So, can you file for divorce? NO. If you wife continues with the A, then you could file but she will probably be the one the will want to file for divorce.

Read Hosea. This shows the heart of God in marriage.

Hi! I know there are those here who have the right to get a divorce and some choose not to, but realisticly you need to Pray about it...God will show you the right thing to do..you cannot force her to do what she does not want to do.

I came out of the woodwork for this..I want to let you know I am praying for you. this is an excellent book to help you with your identity
after divorce..and just wanted to tell you not to
be hard on yourself, sometimes we beat ourselves up too much in trying to do what is right and
neglecting ourself, try not to do that learn to love yourself and take care of you.. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> read below
-----------------------------------------------
As you read this you may be going through a divorce&#8212;or have already gone through one. Our distinguished LIFE TODAY guest Jim Smoke suggests that you rephrase that. Not &#8220;going through divorce,&#8217; but &#8220;growing through divorce.&#8217;

That could help you find a positive pathway through a thicket of negative feelings. Of course, if you let yourself grow, you are likely to have &#8220;growing pains,&#8217; but through the pain you can realize great gain, as you trust the Lord to fulfill His promises to you.

No area of possible growth is more important than that of identity. You have thought of yourself as a married person. Though now single, you may still &#8220;feel&#8217; married. You must let God free you from living by your feelings. He wants you to walk in the light&#8212;reality&#8212;and to live by faith, not by feelings. Actually, being single, you may have more &#8220;free&#8217; time than when you were married. If so, you have more opportunity to let Him take you by the hand and gently guide you into all truth&#8212;about who He really is, about who you really are and the magnificent purposes He has for you.

He will show you that your identity is not determined by your circumstances&#8212;married, single, divorced&#8212;but by who you are. He will teach you what it means to be a child of God, have Christ as your life, and have Christ and God living within you by the Holy Spirit. If you were a born-again Christian when you were married, all of this was true then. Your divorce cannot change any of it.

Once God has revealed these truths to your spirit and your mind, life will become an exciting adventure. Day by day, He will lead you to new experiences and relationships that will deepen your knowledge of Him and let you see His miracle wisdom and power working through you. In this way, He can set you free from many of the demons of divorce&#8212;loneliness, anger, bitterness, guilt, a sense of rejection and worthlessness. You will realize that, while a pleasant union with another human would be a blessing, you do not NEED to be married to be happy and fulfilled. If His will for you includes another marriage, this journey could be your equipping to make it a joyful one!

Each day, go to the Lord, His word in hand, and ask Him to show you one exciting new truth about who you are in Christ.

Practice some &#8220;tough love&#8217; for yourself by asking God to give you a clean break from the failed relationship and the strength to follow Him diligently into the abundant new life He has for you.

Take a Helping Hand.

Growing Through Divorce by Jim Smoke,
nationally recognized pioneer in divorce recovery, can give you a valuable assist in coping with divorce-related problems. To order the book, click on On-Air Offers on the home page www.lifetoday.org.

lifetoday
this one here is their devotional which is fantastic.. lifeoutreach
well I don't see any differnce in these two urls but I looked at the first one and it was differnt so is why I am editing but rather then take the other one away I posted the second..hrmmm>? wonder
if it is differnt if not I give up.
well hope this helps you..I tried..

<small>[ September 23, 2003, 06:07 AM: Message edited by: SadEyes ]</small>

Great insight by all.
Not to hijack your thread, Eduard, mine is truly a delimna. I finished reading that RBC pamphlet I mentioned in a previous post, DIVORCE AND REMARRIAGE - What Does The Bible Teach?. I will not go through all the scripture, but what I will say that is a problem for me is...
Me - Believer - WS - Had 4 month A 5+ years ago - don't want a D
W - non-believer - BS - Has filed for D
As a believer I broke my vow to Jesus and to my W by having an A. Therefore, I can let her walk away, but I can't re-marry, except if it is to her again. Also, because of my unfaithfulness, I have ruined a family (children will be in a split home), and I have tarnished the Word, and ruined the possibility of of my W being saved.

That's my dilemna and one I pray for guidance and His will be done.

God Bless all of us in our journey of life.
TTSMM

In the bible it says that if we have broken one commandment, we have broken them ALL. God is not trying to just make us as guilty as He can. He is trying to show us that in and of ourselves we are sinners and only Jesus can pay our sin bill, regardless of the sin[s]. He is also telling us that to Him, all sin is equal. Sin is sin. God says in his word that HE hates SIN and all that is connected with it. He even tells us that we should HATE the devil as much as He does. Then He tells us in His word that He hates divorce. So He is saying that He hates divorce as much as He hates murder or any other sin. And yet thru Jesus, God forgives EVERY sinner of his sin, IF he or she TRULY repents. Yes we still have to follow the rules and deal with the consequences, but He says they will last for a season. Every marriage should be attempted to be saved because it is a COVENANT witnessed by God. Only in cases where one non christian spouse simply leaves and will not return should the christian go ahead and divorce and remarry. Or where a christian spouse has committed adultery and again gets a court to grant them a divorce or if they refuse to change, should a divorce be sought. And then the other spouse can still pray and wait for God to restore the marriage if they so desire. That is where hearing from GOD is the answer. And ttsmm, if your wife divorces you for whatever reason, you can REPENT of your sin and God will release you to get married again. Yes, He will have consequences for you for a while, but that is to burn off anything that is unpleasing to Him.
We need to get wise from all the marital problems and see why it is so important to seek God for our mate. Not that one still can't get into sin. But too many people are unequally yoked from the start. And it becomes more hell than heaven. Even two christians can be unequally yoked. Real evidence we need to seek God more.
God Bless
singleguy

singleguy...

I am not convinced that forgiveness in ttsmm's case releases him to remarry. To be forgiven for a past sin does not release him from the rules that God has set forth stating that to remarry after divorce except to your former spouse is adultery. Just because he is forgiven for his past choices does not, in my reading of the Bible, release him from his prior marriage or the rules that God has set forth.

My reading and that of those that I have studied with concerning this topic, is that he can be truly forgiven for his past sins. Just as we all can given true repentance. However, he is still held by the rules of God that says he is to be single since he was not to have done the things he did ie, have the affair that brought about the divorce. REGARDLESS of whether he filed or not, the marriage was 'Biblically' broken by him due to his behavior. In my opinion, he is still bound to live single... as hard as this is to swallow. Jesus said that 'some are born eunuchs, some are made, and some choose this path.' The Bible, in my reading of it, says that his wife being the betrayed spouse within the marriage, can seek divorce given HIS breaking of the covenant. And that she can remarry without adultery. But there is no mention of anything that states he can remarry except to her. My opinion on this matter may be much harder line than many here believe. And I accept this. But I fear that saying that because you were forgiven for your past, that you can pretend like it didn't happen. I guess you can read it as he sinned, repented, and then is being left by a non-believer, therefore, he is OK to remarry. I just don't even come close to pretend to know the answer to that. However, for myself in the situation, I would understand that the marriage loss was directly due to MY sin and therefore its dissolution was because of me. I don't know... I don't know... but so many times we read what we desire to see and hear rather than what is there.

Just my thoughts and how I read this. It is not the popular and 'feel good' approach to the Bible, however... God never says we can do what we want without consequences. His way is the narrow way... I think that ttsmm can be forgiven and saved given true change and repentance... but I would be fearful in his situation about remarrying. I just don't think that it would be Biblically sound. But that is between him and God, NOT me and him.

TTSMM... I hope that you are able to restore your marriage. I truly hope that you find the answers to your life within your relationship with God.I do not believe that it is YOUR responsibility to save your ex. She is capable and able... however, you have given up the influence to help her that you would have had as her husband. Don't take that on yourself. You are not that powerful, only she can find God. Perhaps by living a God centered life, you still may influence her. And don't forget that you influence her via your children. Teach them, stay with them, be a shining star for them to see and live by. Perhaps things will change, perhaps not. But you will have done everything that you have available to bring about that change. Stay strong and go with what you believe is RIGHT... not necessarly what you wish was right.

<small>[ September 23, 2003, 02:02 PM: Message edited by: Formerly Confused ]</small>

Well, this past Saturdy WW finally has come to some senses. I had been mulling over going through with the D and was seriously to the point of starting teh process. But I had asked her if we could talk before I decided on what I was going to do. She had no clue I was thinking of doing that. So I met with her Saturday and she told me she wants us to work it out and she would do anything. While I am not 100% sure if she is genuine about it all, I could tell she does want us to a certain point. But I don't believe she would do "anything". She is moving to another state in under 2 weeks and I pray that God will lead me to the right path of either staying put or following after.

Ladysheep- Definitely agree. We never have to divorce and both must be willing to reconcile. The problem is knowing whether it is the seductive words of the wayward wife (Proverbs 2:16) or the smooth tongue (Proverbs 6:24) talking and not her.

Hubby- I don't know. I feel once someone has an A you have grounds to D. How do you know if it is truly over? Moses permitted D because their hearts were hardened. I do agree that God hates D and doing something God hates is really tough and I'm sure he would rather have reconciliation. But it is not always the WS will to reconcile and I don't believe God would want someone to be forced to stay in that type of situation. The unequally yoked is just something to take into consideration for reconciling not the deciding factor. Doing things wrong once the first time around and repeating that mistake is not something I want to do.
I've gone through Hosea some and it gives great hope if you are reconciling. I'll have to read it again, thanks for reminding me.

Sadeyes Thanks Sadeyes. Yes, God's will be done and not mine and thank you for the prayers. I definitely want her to choose what she wants and not force her into any sort of decision.

Ttsmm I'll have to take a look at that, thanks!

Singleguy Not sure about the ttsmm thing. My non-believing WW did leave me and move out. And now she is going 2000 miles away so that leaves me to believe I can let her go if I wanted. But she has thrown me for a loop saying she wants us to work. This coming in under 2 weeks before she leaves.

FC I agree with you on your post. Hardline stances aren't usually popular because people don't like to see black and white. But you can't sugar coat truth. I had to realize I cannot be the one to "save my wife". God says "wives how do you know if your husband will be saved? husbands how do you know if your wife will be saved?" Although I can be a shining example that would compel her to want to know more about what has changed my life around.

Formerly,
I believe that when Jesus forgives, it's without handcuffs. The key, the key, the key is was there TRUE repentence. How many people say they have repented and really haven't. I know a girl who had an affair and divorced her husband to go with the other guy. That fell apart in a couple of years. Now she got remarried. I had long talks with her about repentence, but she felt since her original h got remarried, she was free to remarry. WRONG. She WILL have headaches, because I don't believe God will honor this marriage. There was no TRUE repentence for past sins, just talk.
Let me ask you this. If two people are involved sexually before marriage, and then get married, does that nullify the fornication? No way!!!!
If there is no TRUE repentence, they are married, but with an existing sin. So should they get divorced? Or should they TRULY repent? Will there marriage always be SINFUL? I believe that God will forgive if repentence is REAL and THEN bless the marriage. That's why so many marriages are in trouble today. They were preceeded by fornication that has never been TRULY repented of. That opens doors for satan to attack the marriage. If I take money out of the till for a year and then feel guilty and put it all back with interest, am I no longer a thief and don't need to repent? And that there should be no consequences? That's how we are looking at sex before marriage. It ain't gonna fly!!! Marriages are being attacked and we don't seem to know why. But if we REPENT, we are fully and completely forgiven. I'm not taking the easy route or the popular view, just seeking the truth. Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to TRULY repent to get there. And it doesn't count if we just talk about it. It has to be REAL. That's the key.
Be careful of religion versus christianity. Religion imposes rules and Christianity sets people free, but Jesus is the one who makes it real. If He really wasn't involved, then it's in vain. It isn't the sin we should focus on, but was there genuine repentence!!I do truly want to see all marriages saved if possible. There, I'm pooped!!!
God Bless and lead us to the truth.
singleguy

That is a great take on things Singleguy.

I have this really big problem I'm really seeking guidance on. I know God will lead me to the right direction, but I'm having a hard time dealing with this for myself.

My WW is moving in less than 2 weeks 2000 miles back home for a new job. I was on the border of going to a D when she came to me 3 days ago finally saying she wants to work on things. She realized she wanted us because I wouldn't be there when she moves back. She said she would do anything, but I highly doubt that and haven't seen many actions to prove that yet.

She's on travel right now for her current job for 3 days which cuts our "build something in as much time as we have" time down greatly.

She'll be moving in with her parents which means if I move back I would probably be there too. We lived with her parents for 6 months a few years ago which wasn't bad but I feel it would make reconciliation much harder. She has told me she thinks moving back to where we're originally from would give us the best option of working on things. The big benefit to me is she would also be that much further away from the OM. I know distance doesn't make much difference in matters of the heart.

I'm not sure what to think. I have always wanted to reconcile but when I finally decided I may not want to, things change and now she wants to. I don't know if I can just forsake her saying she wants to work on things and just go ahead with the D. But at the same time she's leaving me for a 2nd time. First she moved out, now she's moving 2000 miles away. I will have to leave all I have going currently- friends, job, my own place just for a "chance" to see if we can work things out. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Dear Eduard,
i just ask that the Holy Spirit wou;d give me the words HE wants me to speak and nothing else. In Jesus name. I first want to say that marriage is a covenant and your unsaved wife is sanctified by you. Your job is not a covenant, your home is not a covenant, your friends are not a covenant. The bible says that men are to leave their mother and father and to [ CLEAVE ]to their wives. Really ask God in this if maybe HE wants you to go with her for the sake of the covenant. If you really love her, I think you need to go and then ask God to take and restore whatever needs to be fixed. The two of you are [ one ] in God's eyes and I think you need to try and maintain that. God WILL honor your attempts to be obedient to HIS words and not your rationalizing. Again I will encourage you to ask God if there is ANYTHING you need to REPENT of. IF my people who are called by my name will HUMBLE themselves.... THEN will I hear from heaven and HEAL their land.
God Bless You Eduard
singleguy

Thanks Singleguy, your prayers are appreciated greatly. Hopefully one day in Heaven I can get to thank you personally <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Hi Eduard,

Just a couple thoughts. Some things you said remind me of my divorce situation, although it does sound alot different (we were both Christians and no adultery by either of us). I moved about that many miles (2000) away too. I thought I had no other choice (my husband divorced me). We were not married very long and I had no job, no car, no money (I did not take anything in the divorce... I did not want to fight like that). My husband though saw it as me not really loving him. He was telling me "leave" but when I did, he would tell me he had really wanted me to stay. Kinda like you, he was wanting me to "prove" myself.

I guess I just want to tell you that your wife may very well be sincere about not divorcing. I know I was and am. But, my husband became so hardened towards me that he did not believe me. It is easy to not trust or believe someone if they have been back & forth in what they've said, but I believe that you can trust God and that He WILL honor that. If you trust God, you can trust your wife. 1 Cor. says that love always trusts and love always believes. True, you risk getting hurt (again), but love takes that risk if it is truly love.

Me... I too would do anything for my marriage... willing to move anywhere, etc. I wasn't there at first. It was not until I realized I was losing my husband, etc. that I got to that point, and even then God still was working on me to bring me to where I am now (and I still have a ways to go!).

Whatever route the two of you take, reconciliation is going to probably be hard. It takes a dying of oneself. It takes forgiveness and faith. It takes sacrifice and hard work. So, even if you don't move, it'll still be hard. You have to determine whether it's worth it. In my opinion, it is worth it (for various reasons).

Your wife might be right about moving being beneficial. Had my husband and I moved, it would have been VERY beneficial. There was no other OM or OW, but there were hostile in-laws that caused great damage to our marriage. I think the fact that your wife sees moving as good says alot, because she realizes she needs to move away from OM. You said distance doesn't matter, but I think it does matter alot. In my situation, had we distanced ourselves from in-laws, I believe we might still be married. I think your wife's physical distance from OM would be very good and I think she wants that. Obviously, I don't know for sure, but I am guessing.

Realize that divorce is a very, very emotional thing. People say and do things in anger, hurt, fear, confusion. It brings out the worst in the couple. There are alot of ups and downs. One day one spouse wants it, the next day they don't. Then the other spouse wants it, then he doesn't. Etc. Yes, your wife has changed her mind, but that's okay. It is actually very normal. I wish I knew it then and had taken advantage of the opportunities I had each time my husband changed his mind. He even called to stop the divorce (but it was final that very day that he called).

I'm sure it would be hard to leave everything you have there, but I honestly believe that your marriage is worth it... and agree about it being a covenant.

God WILL honor your faith if you chose to believe your wife and if you chose to move with her, even though there is risk involved and loss (of your current home, etc). If you trust God and say, "Lord, I am fearful but I want to keep my marriage vows I made to my wife... believing that you can heal this marriage and bring about restoration," I believe he will honor that.

My couple thoughts are a little long here, but I want to encourage you to have faith in God, to seek Him and become convicted about marriage and divorce and what the Bible says, and to be willing to risk all for the sake of your wife and marriage.

LovemyEx,

I just want to say awesome post! A lot of what you said has hit home with me. Some of our situations do sound very similar.

Hopefully my in-laws haven't turned hostile towards me during this. I haven't spoken to them since this has happened, but I feel they aren't the type of people that would do that.

I've always been a firm believer in Love and marriage. Throughout this whole thing I've always wanted it to work out. But that's the thing, I've known what I would like it's just her true desire that I'm really afraid of. And that has put fear and doubt into my mind.

Thanks for the support and encouragement.

Deuteronomy 24:1-4

When a man takes a wife and marries her, and it happens that she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some uncleanness in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, puts it in her hand, and sends her out of his house, when she has departed from his house, and goes and becomes another man's wife, if the latter husband detests her and writes her a certificate of divorce, puts it in her hand, and sends her out of his house, or if the latter husband dies who took her as his wife, then her former husband who divorced her must not take her back to be his wife after she has been defiled; for that is an abomination before the LORD, and you shall not bring sin on the land which the LORD your God is giving you as an inheritance.

Matthew 19:1-10 : Divorce

Now it came to pass, when Jesus had finished these sayings, that He departed from Galilee and came to the region of Judea beyond the Jordan. And great multitudes followed Him, and He healed them there. The Pharisees also came to Him, testing Him, and saying to Him, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?" And He answered and said to them, "Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning 'made them male and female,' and said, 'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh'? So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate." They said to Him, "Why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away?" He said to them, "Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery." His disciples said to Him, "If such is the case of the man with his wife, it is better not to marry."

Ephesians 5:22-33 : Wives and Husbands

22Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
25Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26to make her holy, cleansing[1] her by the washing with water through the word, 27and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church-- 30for we are members of his body. 31"For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh."[2] 32This is a profound mystery--but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

1 Corinthians 7:10-16

Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife. But to the rest I, not the Lord, say: If any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her. And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy. But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace. For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife?

What's important is that our personal judgment be guided by the right principles. Any exception to the "law" should be considered only in light of the most basic principles of Scripture. We cannot be justified in a divorce action if we have not first considered what effect our actions will have on the name and reputation of the One whose name we bear. Is this action being taken to please the Lord? (1 Cor. 7:29-35). Is the motive for the action godly? Is the action being considered only for a person's own self-protection, or also for the good of the sinning mate? (1 Cor. 13:1-3). Has the sinned-against spouse sought safety in the advice of wise counselors? (Prov. 11:14). Has the one considering divorce carefully weighed the implications of two Christians pleading their dispute before a civil judge or jury? (1 Cor. 6:1-7). Is divorce a last-resort action taken with the support of wise counsel, when the other party can no longer be treated as a follower of Christ? All of this and more is necessary to assure that persons who are taking exception to their marriage vows, and to the binding law of marriage, are doing so according to the proper biblical procedure.

Eduard,
I will look forward to that meeting brother and hopefully will also get to meet that gal who was your wife on earth!!!!
You take care and God Bless
singleguy

<small>[ September 25, 2003, 05:42 PM: Message edited by: singleguy ]</small>

Hi Edward,

I am thankful that I am able to use my testimony with the hopes of helping or encouraging others towards hoping for and saving their marriage. Please pray and ask the Lord to soften your heart towards your wife. Trust Him. Even if you get hurt, He will be right there. It says in His Word that we are blessed when we suffer for doing what is right and His will. If you willingly "suffer" for the sake of your marriage/wife (by making sacrifices and risking, etc), He is not going to leave you out "in the cold." He will bless and honor your faith.

About my in-laws, they were "hostile" from the beginning of our marriage. Mostly I was just wanting you to see how a literal move can actually be very beneficial for a marriage. Had we moved away, I think our marriage would have been saved.

Give your fears and doubts to the Lord. "There is no fear in love; perfect love drives out fear." (sorry, don't know the exact reference offhand). If you truly love your wife, you will not fear whatever hurt might come your way. Jesus is our example. He truly loved us so much that He WILLINGLY was beat and hung on the cross. He WILLINGLY allowed people to mock him, beat him, and kill him. In 1 John, it says, "This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers." (1 John 3:16). 1 John 3:18 "Let us not love with words or tongue but wiht actions and in truth."

Love is when we are willing to sacrifice our very lives for the sake of another. I know it is a risk to believe your wife without fearing that she will change her mind... but if you can put your trust in the Lord, pray fervently, seek Him and ask Him to give you strength to endure whatever comes... like her changing her mind... He is going to be with you! He will help you endure the possiblility of her change of mind. You do not need to fear if you know He is with you and will help you.

Many men and women in the Bible have been in perilous situations (David who Saul wanted to kill, Paul in prison, Joseph sold into slavery, on and on, including Jesus beign killed) but whenever they trusted the Lord, He ALWAYS was with them and helped them endure and often delievered them from their situation.

I believe God wants to do a good work in you and in your marriage... but beginning with you. Fear and doubt are not from God. They are things we all struggle with, but confess them to the Lord and ask Him to show you His will.

For me, I would rather be rejected from my husband (which I have been) but yet have the clear conscinece of having done right and having truly expended myself in prayer, faith, and goodness towards loving him and staying married... then to have walked away in "comfort." What I mean is... I have spent hours upon hours weeping and praying and fasting and denying myself (not dating, not slandering my husband, changing things, etc.) And I do not say this to boast in any way, because believe me... I have a long ways to go and am not yet there! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> But, I have no marriage, no husband, and no hopes of it humanly speaking despite the tears, prayers, etc. I might as well have gone out and dated, been "happy," slandered my husband and called him every name in the book, etc... BUT, would I have the peace I have now... knowing that I sought the Lord in an effort to obey and do right? I might have some wordly pleasures but in the end, I would not have a clear conscience and peace, and I believe too that God will bless and I wouldn't have that had I sinned.

This probably isn't very clear. But I hope for you also that you do all you can to save your marriage, even if it costs you. In the end, God will bless, no matter what the outcome.

In the Bible, when Queen Esther had to decide eihter to confront the king and save her people or not confront and they'd die... well, she knew that she herself might die for confronting the king with her request. She said, "If I perish, I perish." (Esther 4:16). She knew she could die, but she chose to trust the Lord with the outcome and she chose to do right rather than to save herself.

I know it's not easy. Believe me... I've been there. I hate who I was and how I acted, etc. during my separation. I was seeking God but still very much walking in fear. I still battle fear and all the rest.

So, well, you are not alone and I hope there is something in here that can speak to you and bring you insight.

God bless!

I've always been a firm believer in Love and marriage. Throughout this whole thing I've always wanted it to work out. But that's the thing, I've known what I would like it's just her true desire that I'm really afraid of. And that has put fear and doubt into my mind.

Thanks for the support and encouragement.

LoveMyEx:

--Also, if he divorced her, it was assumed she committed adultery. Well, back then, adulterers were stoned to death.--

TR- Not to change the topic but--I read JUST this morning that in, I think it was Nigria, a woman was accused of adultry (having sex outside of marriage-she was divorced)and the punishment for "adultry" was stoneing--

the proof--she had a child after she was divorced-

They ended up letting her go because the man she claimed was her childs father denied it--(he too would have been stoned) I guess they don't do DNA testing over there--

But by the grace of God was she spared and can continue to raise her baby!!

Thorned Rose,

That is very sad that countries still do that.

In the Old Testament, adulterers were stoned (Lev. 20:10 "If a man commits adultery with another mans' wife--with the wife of his neighbor-- both the adulterer and the adulteress must be put to death."). In the Old Testament... before Christ's death... a whole lot of sin was atoned for/punished by a person's death (cursing your parents, incest, witchcraft/sorcery,cursing God, murder, etc)... either the person who committed the sin or the entire family was destroyed.

Like David. God said that his son with Bathsheba WOULD die as an atonement (sacrifice) to cover for their sin of adultery. Even though David repented and prayed and fasted and God forgave Hhim, the son still died just as God said he would. God required the shedding of blood to cover for a person's sins... whether it was the sacrifice of an animal or sometimes, God took the person's life as a punishment of the sins (or allowed others to take the life like when they stoned adulterers).

BUT... we no longer have to make sacrifices because the blood shed by Jesus Christ was the ultimate, final, once-for-all sacrifice for all of us. So now, when we sin, our blood or our family's blood (or an animal's blood) is not required to be shed. Christ's blood covers our sin. Wow... what a thought.

I have been reading the Old Testament lately. Wow. God does NOT mess around with sin! I am amazed at how people would sin and ZAP, they were destroyed!! BUT often as the result of their repentance or as a result of someone praying for them, God forgave them and did not punish them by death. But seriously, sin brings death... either physical or spiritual. BUT Christ's shed blood covers our sin so that we do not get what our sin "deserves" (death).

That is why Christ's death and our salvation through his blood is such a gift. And a gift of grace.

That is sad that many people today, like these men in Nigeria, do not know Jesus Christ and continue to stone adulterers, etc. In many countries, women (and children) have very few rights and protections. Women and children have always been more vulnerable to abuse and mistreatment. Only in Christianity, is there a God who cares deeply for the special needs of women and children (esp. widows and orphans).

James 1:27 "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."

<small>[ September 26, 2003, 12:20 AM: Message edited by: LoveMyEx ]</small>