Last time I saw xhb was in Feb 03.

Calls me he is in our town and would like to meet with me and take kids out for supper. (i am not included in the supper deal) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Me - What do I wear!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

7.00pm he arrives - His XW now has red hair instead of black hair. Her once full figure is now way down to what it was in her twenties. The wedding rings are gone. She is wearing denims and a "wonder bra" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> He is stumped. He forgot that we were suppose to speak.

Take kids for supper, I tell him to call me when he brings them back as I was also going out.

Went to a coffee bar with a girlfriend, soft music playing in the background - He phones "Where are you" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> I'm bringing the kids home now - me: I'll meet you at our house <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

We meet at the house - he looks everywhere but cannot look me in my eyes.(lol). 11yo DD, ask him to listen to her playing guitar. He makes excuses. She insist.

Once inside I offer him a cup of coffee. He refuses but then changes his mind and accepts.
11yo plays the guitar, he keeps on requesting more songs -

4yo show him her monkeynastics and discusses the planets with him. Kids tell us they love us, give us hugs and kisses and off to bed. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Now for the talk:
(My thoughts - He is marrying the OW, He is leaving the OW; Ow is back with her XH.........)

Absolutely no talk <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

As he leaves I do a 180 X 4.

Take his hands in my hands. I thank him for the wonderful years we were married and that he is a wonderful father. Apologise for the mistake I made in the marriage. I wish him all the happiness in the world.

Also told him that through all this pain we have both found happiness - (I will leave it up to him to decipher)

His flood gates of tears opens - He hugged me with so much strenght that I could hardly breath. I released the hug after a while, he could not release the hold/hug. I walked with him to his car, again assured him that the kids and I was happy. Said he could see it tonight.

I went inside - after about 10 min I heard the car leaving. I took out my bible and opened it randomly - Hosea

I could not cry - I just felt utter sadness for his raw emotions.

He is suppose to be the happiest man in the world. Will us his family always be a damper on that happiness when he is confronted with us?

<img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

I thank him for the wonderful years we were married and that he is a wonderful father. Apologise for the mistake I made in the marriage. I wish him all the happiness in the world.

sufdb....Were all these things truthful? Meaning you meant them, and bear no illwill, or vengeful thoughts. Is he a good father (by objective standards)? Are you happy now (as you said), and ok with being divorced, or do you still seek reconcilliation and remarriage?

Tough evening, but you did pretty good IMO, laying the foundation for a good relationship with him in the future (regardless of reconcilliation or not). That is a very good thing for you, and your children. You have not control over how exh processes his life, and changes he needs to make. IMO it is a good thing that he has some kind of emotions, but what they are is impossible to say. Could be the beginning of regret over you, could be distress over his kids not having the traditional family to grow up in, could be simply feeling bad for himself only, could be he is just an emotional guy who reacts this way anytime he is in an emotionally charged circumstance. But whatever it is, the good thing (for you) is he has to deal with it, not your problem. You continue working on being the best ginny, and mom, you can be, and life has a way of working out ok. btw, congrats on the successful makeover.

Sufbd: What I said was the truth. He was a wonderful husband during our marriage. Even after D-day he was caring. The fighting only started after he moved in with OW and when he instituted DV proceedings.

I still feel that up untill today he is protecting me from OW. (In his own way). AS for being a father he is not the same as when he was at home but there I also feel he is doing what he thinks is his best. At great expense he flies the kids to him once a mnth. Daily contact via phone. Also with the dv settlement he made sure that financially we are secure.

Xh is a recovering alcoholic, he has many issues he must deal with.

At this moment I am dealing with his two identities. I call it the with OW identity and the without OW identity. When OW is around he is the mean and angry XH. When she is not around he is his old self. (Sick but true)

Once OW is gone and he shows remorse and regret and if I am still single reconciliation will be an option.

I am happy with myself and where I am at now. I am also looking forward to tomorrow again. Way back DR Harley wrote to me saying that he hopes Xh fog lifts before it is too late.

Xh is conflict avoider and very much in control of his emotions. That is why I still find it so confusing that the few times that we do see each other he always end up crying to the outside world and OW he is MR STRONGMAN the CEO.

His mother died, his brother committed suicide he arranged the burials - there was no tears. All the tears came after D-day but only when he is with me.

Thanks for the compliment re makeover. This really gave my confidence a boost.

I truly wish my XH find the happiness that he is searching for.