Well I have not been on here for several months. I have been doing my best on moving on in my own life but not in any way shape or form of moving on in any type of a new relationship. Well I escaped on Wednesday to New York to see a concert and had a good time. It was a short trip but a good one. I get back in town early on Thursday morning. I was doing ok and then I got a phone call from my WS. She wanted to tell me on the phone that on Monday I will be getting the divorce papers in the mail because she wants to move on and this is the only way she knows how. My mom told me a long time ago when you know you are going to get the papers that it hits you like a ton of bricks. I haven't cried in a long time and after that phone conversation with my WS I fell apart. My WS said some things she has never said before but in the end we are still getting a divorce. She told me things like she did the best she knew how on dealing with the situation. About her separating herself from me and my family. Also she said she has come to realize how good of a person I am and how much she has hurt me and that she has to live with that the rest of her life. She also stated that she realizes how big of a part that I have been in her life. For me this didn't matter because bottom line we still will be divorced. This is just hard and it is hitting me a lot harder than I ever thought. Right now I don't feel like signing the papers even though everyone is telling me I need to. This may be closure for my WS but it isn't closure for me at all. Does any one have any advice or words of wisdom? This is going to be a long weekend for me since I know I will be getting the papers on Monday. Right now I just want to get in my car and drive and not come back to all of this. How do I handle this? Not sign the papers for awhile? Sign them right away? Sign them when I am ready? Etc...? Help....

Trust me - it's still not too late. I was served D papers about 30 days ago and filed my response to her petition this week. You will still have several months to go before it's finalized. Use that time wisely. If you are serious about saving M, file a response to the papers. Be thorough as to why you feel the M should be saved. Judges are not in the business of granting divorces as a rule and would much rather allow for a time of counseling and/or mediation. I choose to remain positive and I believe God has a plan for us. Surround yourself with encouraging people, exercise regularly, don't eat/smoke/drink, etc. as a means of coping with the hurt. Get some positive reinforcement from church, family, friends. Pray for her to see the light and be nice to her. God bless!

Confused guy

My divorce became final a couple of days ago,and I too did not want a divorce, married forever it seems with 2 young kids.
Last months together last year, she just said she wanted divorce, she didn't want to work, she was done. I made appointment to see marriage counsilor for us both, went 1 time, counsilor said we were done, too late. I am sure this made the wife happy to hear.
Looking back I feel what a sucker I was, during that year it all went to pot, she started new job, which would involve some travel ( I remember her saying it will be tough going to nice places and wishing we,her family were with her ) of course she ended up falling for a co worker, who just happened to married too, and traveled with her.
So looking back I was blind, and did not think this could happen to me, wrong.
So I guess when she wanted him to meet our kids, and had made the final decision, that is when she served papers, r/o, and divorce papers on me, to get me out of our own neighborhood, and bring this new guy around and keep me from fighting for my family.
She did everything in her power to destroy me, said I was a danger, said I was mentally ill.
How could no one see the truth.
All I can say once it comes to a divorce, if you are not the one initiaing it you are in big trouble, she did all this stuff, it wasn't just uphill it was upmountain for me.
You can't try and be fair, because they aren't.

I have never known such pain.
Good Luck

She wanted to tell me on the phone that on Monday I will be getting the divorce papers in the mail
That is not the same as being served. Unless you complete a waiver of service, which means you ackowledge receiving (not necessarily agreeing with) the divorce papers and waive having to be served them by a process server.

If you do nothing after receiving them in the mail, then it's the same as not having received them. (Speak with a lawyer to be sure of this.)
There has to be a way of showing that you received them.

Each step I have taken has been slow....prayed through....thought about thoroughly. It took me months to go for the separation agreement but I knew it was a step that was right for me to protect me financially and emotionally.

When my WS went and refinanced our home to buy me out, I received the papers from him but I struggled deeply for weeks. Could not sign the papers but I slowly gained the ability to do it.
So just take your time.....think things through. Consult legal counsel and don't be hasty about anything.

TW

In a lot of ways I knew things were coming to an end but there is something about just knowing that the papers will be here. It is like all of this was on pause and now the stop button is going to be pushed because it will be all over. I wish I could say something will work out but I talk to my WS about once every four months when something needs attentions such as a bill sent to the house for her or something like that. My WS has moved on because she is having her mail forwarded to her new place she has been in over a year. At this point I don't know how to believe that something can work out because all the signs are not for the marriage to work out. Do I wish to this day it still could work out, well you bet. However my WS is some where else than I am. For myself it is going to take awhile for me to even think about signing the papers because I am not at that point. Maybe I will sign them one day because I am mad and pissed off, but right now I just don't feel it. Everyone says this will be my closure but I don't think it will be closure at all for me. Sad to say I still love my WS but the person I love isn't the person my wife is now.

Wishing you strength for today.

Love and light,

Jacky

Sending out positive energy today. BTW, I initiated the dv, and it was horrible signing the papers. It was horrible having them filed. There is a glimmer of positive though. Beginnings and endings are not finely marked, they blur together. The end of one thing is always the beginning of something else and the beginning of a new thing means the death of another. It is the circle of life and energy.

We still mourn the death, but in time can celebrate the birth of the new.

Another thought: The divorce decree is like the funeral. The marriage is already dead and nothing will bring it back (from what I gather), but it’s still a huge shock when the coffin is lowered into the ground. But until the coffin is lowered and the handful of dirt thrown on, you’re in that weird limbo land.

I haven’t a clue if any of this is of any value. If not, just trash it. I’m writing it as much for myself as for you.

Confused Guy

I'm also feeling the same way. I'm trying to go on. Most days I'm ok and other days I feel incredibly loney. I myself sill believe in love and marraige. I live with the hope that someday my broken hart will mend. Now I am just looking for a friend. I think we need to find out who we our, before we know what way to go. I wish you peace.