Hello everyone. I have posted here in the past about a year ago. At the time I was trying to restore my marriage. Well now I`m divorced. The ex and I seperated last September. May of this year we were divorced. I wont go into all the problems that we had. I just have a few questions. Since the divorce I have found someone new and someone who treats me wonderful. I will be 31 in a few months and I have no children of my own. The person I am with now has 2 great girls. I have never dated someone with children. I have become very close to the children and I have fallen in love with this new person. I see myself marrying her in the future. I have a couple of issues that I need to address. Certain things will remind me of my ex. It could be anything from a movie to a song. When this happens at times it makes me happy and at times it makes me sad. Alot of times it reminds me of all the good times the ex and I had. At times it will bring tears to my eyes. I know my ex still loves me. She has told me recently how much she loves and cares for me. I feel that I will always love and care for her. I feel she will always have a special place in my heart. Since our divorce we speak to each other at least twice a week. She feels that I am someone she can turn to with her problems. And when I can be I am there for her. Are there others out there who do the same? Are there others out there who feel that they will always love and care for their ex? Is this just a bond between two people that never goes away?

Greetings EB:

It sound as if you still have unresolved relationship issues between you and your ex. YOu are experiencing triggers that emotionally remind you of the ex. And, in all liklihood it sounds as if you are still in love with the ex.

Other than the continuing emotional issues that you still feel for the ex, there is no real reason to continue contact with the ex unless of course you are thinking of reconciliation with her.

Does your current girlfriend know of your contact?
If not, then your relationship with the new girlfriend is automatically on shaky ground, especially if you are considering marriage. I think it would be good to bear in my mind, that in any relationship, Harleys four rules of a successful marriage be applied scrupulously. For me, this includes the relationship that may be a prelude to a marriage.

If you feel that you have an opportunity to reconcile with your ex,then do that. By the same token, if you cannot and the conditions that Harley states that must be in place to reconcile do not exist...you must cut bait.

You set yourself up for an affair with your ex during this relationship or after you are married if you continue contact with your ex.

I would also like you to consider your girlfriends children as well. If they are emotionally bonded to you, they have expectations.

You have in my opinion, a decision to make. And, I think you are looking for trouble here. Make a choice. Cut all contact with the ex forever. And tell her why. Or tell your girlfriend that you are considering reconciliation. Right now,IMHO, you are fence sitting. Very dangerous.

If I sound harsh, it is not meant to be that way.
A lot of feelings are riding on this. You better be sure.

Hi, I don't think it necessarily means you're still in love with the ex... everyone carries memories with them and they're not something you can turn off. My ex and I ended on bad terms (bitterness), but I find myself having fond memories when I come across a picture or a song.

I do agree you should cut the contact with your ex... if you are feeling inappropriate love for your ex then I think you should talk to the new lady and give her the respect of honesty... she may be willing to support you in your confusion... or she may not be strong enough... you owe her the truth and give her a choice on how she will handle this.

Don't be hard on yourself.

<small>[ September 28, 2003, 12:33 PM: Message edited by: ISleepAlone ]</small>

Yes, I would definitely cut contact with the Ex. It's just holding you back from being able to move on. And in essence you are having an EA with the Ex over your current love interest.

In having conversations with your Ex, you are taking away from your current relationship and having the Ex fulfill EN's.

Be very careful. It is one thing to be "friends" and another to be more than that. Especially when she confesses feelings of Love.

<small>[ September 29, 2003, 01:13 AM: Message edited by: LoveMyEx ]</small>