for the last month my h and i have argued off and on about a woman he works with. we was married 20 years last week, and unfortunately he had to work with IT. i found a note, (that started this whole mess), that talked about oral sex, going back to the well, etc., (was definately his writing), I was very upset, naturally he denies it, it was only useless words. my feelings is, why would you write something that has no meaning. anyways, he still denies, especially that it is the woman he is partners with, each unit has to have a partner on the road, 12 hour days, 3 days wk. i have asked him nicely to give this woman up as his partner, but he has claimed that it is not her, that she would have to change shifts, etc. well like i told him, "who cares if she has to change shifts"! "not me, and why should he. his response she does. his cell phone bill, which i see, has her # on it, well he denies that it is her #, it is a man's, called the # and well this man does not live there she says, i have wrong #. this # and her cell phone # (known for fact), have the same exact voice. Well sex isn't sex anymore, he always seems to be somewhere else, a kiss isn't a kiss, and he just don't do the things he use to. he tries, but i do definately notice a difference. Here's the big ?. i have become sooo obsessed with all this that i have done some stupid things. since i have her #, unfortunately i have called it, 99% of the time i hang up when she answers, but i just want to tell her off. but don't for fear of really screwing my marriage up. except on day recently, can't remember when, i did call and tell her that "she needs to stop f***** around with a married man." and i felt really guilty for it. well last night my h asked me for the "phone bill", i denied it came yet. so i have been thinking, maybe i should say, here is the phone bill, let him see that yes i have called her house, not deny anything! But since i am being "open and honest", lets hear what you have to say to on "open and honest". my questions will be, do you care for her in ways that you should care for me, have you had sex with her, and if you have or do, are you willing to give her up?" am i going to far, i think i need to do this, but i am totally "afraid". Anyone with a opinion? please help! we are to go on vacation in 2 weeks, and i don't want to blow it, our teenage son is really looking forward to this as i am. I have also considered telling h that if he wants to go on with this w, then he has to make everything look good until after we get back from vacation, and then when we get back, he can leave. i think its kind of deceitful to our son, but why let his vacation that he has been looking forward to go up in smoke, because of some woman.

Hi misunderstood,<P>I don't think I can help very much, but wanted you to know that people are listening. Have you talked to H about counseling at all? Even if he doesn't want to go, it might help you. There are also books, like Love Busters and Surviving an Affair, that can help. I'm sorry oyu are having problems, I hope everyhting works out for you!<P>Take care,<BR>29Guy