...in a nutshell.
- She's 2200 miles away from me.
- I started dating a wonderful lady about a month ago.
- My x found out about her.
- My x contacted her parents and my girlfriend and accused me of everything just short of war crimes against humanity.
- My x has had some of her few remaining friends out here contact my girlfriend and her parents to reinforce the "validity" of the stories.

In all of this, I was not surprised. However, one thing that did freak my girlfriend out was a story that I had talked with my x about a week after we had started dating... and asked my x to send me sexy pictures of herself. The truth: I had talked to my x after she had left about the 12th voice mail and we did talk... but not about anything like THAT! We talked about her moving so I could update her address for spousal support checks.

Being in contact with my x was NOT a boon to my relationship... and as this continues to play out, it will continue to be a blight. Friends? Not even close. Closed chapter on someone I hope will stay far away from my life.

They always a panic when they realise the BS is moving on and may have replaced them with someone new. It is okay for them to have affairs etc, but when their BS's go on with life, they can become nasty. It happened to me. My X even asked me to reconcile when he realised I was serious about someone. It upsets their view of the world, and themselves.

Change your number and your girlfriend's. And get your girlfriend here to MB to see that it isn't something you are making up.

Love and light,

Jacky

On top of the advice Jacky gave you, I would suggest that you and your GF contact your ex-WW and tell her that anymore intrusion into your lives will be grounds for seeking legal recourse against her. I don't know if you have any but hopefully it'll cause her to think before she pulls another one of those stunts. It's bad enough what she did to you but to continue to make your life miserable beyond the divorce is just too much to put up with, IMNSHO.

Sounds like you need a Plan B letter for your X, with your girlfriends knowledge & approval.

Yeah, I wish it was as easy... right now there are a lot of emotions and tension running high with my girlfriend's parents. My x loves that kind of stuff. I've thought about all sorts of stuff, like what Coffee Man said (and I am building a case for that), as well as sitting her parents down and telling them to stop acting like 12 year olds.

In the end, gossip seems to feed on this stuff and I have yet to hit on anything that feels 'right'. As such, I'm going to date my girlfriend, be a great boyfriend, and continue with my life. Ranting and railing at this point, will get back to my x who will only intensify her efforts. She doesn't have anything to stand on herself, so eventually her raging fire will burn down to the point that I hope to be able to address things with my girlfriend's parents. I need to know that they have had enough time to get comfortable with my x's behaviorisms and see me in this "new and disturbing" light.

Plus, I know this is hard on my girlfriend. Time will tell and actions speak louder than words. So, we'll see how it all pans out. It is very frustrating though.

Now, I have been tempted to really really delay my last 3 spousal support payments...

Before any of you jump all over me, keep in mind that she has lots of cash in her account, is living with her current lover, has no expenses, and we have no kids.

Don't give in to temptation for you might regret it later on. If your ex-WW is still bothering you please contact your attorney and see if there is a way to stop her harassment. It's time to take the kids gloves off and unleash the legal hounds against her.

I agree with TMCM that's what she wants you to do! It's a trap!!! Don't fall into it, I think your approach will work best let them see you for who you really are, action DO speak louder than words. It just amazes me what the ones we onces love will do.
How was your gf response to all of this? I hope she got to know you a little before the xw got to her.
LJ

Lyxa,

Do not let your x know anything about your personal life, and instruct whoever is "leaking" the information to not speak to your x about you. If they respect you, they will respect this wish.

To be honest, if your GF is still with you after these stories, she is probably someone who can see through these kinds of stunts.

If only people in this world acted rationally.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

My girlfriend is awesome. Last night, her parents and I had a long talk... the time was finally right. I think the Inquisition has been satisfied. But, this saga is far from over.

Her parents apologized, we discussed some of their concerns, and then we some pecan pie. ;-) Funny how life works huh? There was also a lot said that had my girlfriend and I biting our tongues. The irony is that if it was her parents' intent to break us up, they've actually kind of accelerated our relationship... if that makes any sense.

LOL. Life... I swear.

So are you going to give us the juiciy details or are you just going to play mystery man with us? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

The good news is you get to find out what your GF is made of, is she worthy. If she lets gossip, and such control her life, she is not worthy...if she blindly trusts you...that is a problem too...if she makes her own observations and assessments, she is a healthy individual.

btw..you can always offer to take a polygraph exam. I would, that is the best way to clear out the nagging doubts people have about such things.

Juicy details huh? LOL. Well, everyone that I asked sent my girlfriend and her parents their observations about things they were involved in or SAW about various aspects of my marriage and divorce. I few others heard what was going on and called either my girlfriend or her parents. Turnout could have been better still, but after everything that has gone on... I was glad nonetheless.

Her parents said their biggest issue was that I hadn't gone and defended myself. I noted that if I had, with emotions so high, they would have just called my x-wife and said, "He said..." and then it'd become, "She said...". So, I waited to let things calm down. In the meantime, my girlfriend took my side based on her own observations I guess. I insisted to her and to her parents that they hunt out everything to their satisfaction. They were most worried about the allegations of abuse.

Like them, some people will probably read that and assume it's true. If you were in an abusive relationship, you'll go, "That's exactly what an abuser would say... ALLEGATIONS." I could offer to do a polygraph, but after only 3 weeks of dating when all of this happened, I'm pretty sure that they would not have believed it. What they could believe is if they hunt down all of the allegations on their own based on what my x said and FIND NOTHING. Of course, as her father said, "Abusive individuals have a depth of evil that really has no bottom." We resolved a lot, but believe you me, I know that they'll be watching and the "Actions speak louder than words" thing will take time to speak for me.

Like I said in my last post, the whole thing has kind of created an "Us" versus "Them" mentality. Things have gone so well with my girlfriend that I had planned on broaching the topic of a longer term commitment around Christmas time. But, what has ended up happening is that through conversation, it has come up anyways and we've talked about it extensively and in some depth. Last night, the "M" word even came up several times and it felt way early and fast to be talking about such a thing, but it also felt natural and soft. We'll see. We're going to keep it to ourselves for now cuz we're both kind of sick of all the drama.

Now that one fire is out, my parents are creating a whole new set of fires. Is there no end? I think they felt left out!!! LOL @ life.

My x-wife is still up to her tricks too. My girlfriend and her parents each told me they wouldn't be taking phone calls from her or calling her anymore. I don't necessarily believe that because there are two people in my church that started all of this. One has been reprimanded and the other well... shrugs. I doubt she'd care if she was. So, there's still a line there.

Hi Lyxa,

I wish I could get my sister here on MB to discuss with you (and GF) what life is like with a psycho-x .... her BF of 15 years has one.

That's one of the reasons he is still a BF (though I guess now they could qualify as common law) .. it's because even though well off herself she continually goes after my sister's BF to raise child support.. I can't believe what she is getting now, and she's not happy.

The child support payments I'm supposed to receive from my x aren't even a quarter of what he pays her now (and both our sons are the same age).

They haven't married because of fear psycho-x will try to attach my sister's earnings and savings.

Anyway pay your spousal support payments on time ... don't give her any reason to haul you in to court and make you look horrible.

Yes, you will be under the watchful eye because of the abuse statement ... but you've learned alot here.

If you're in the states, there is something like a legal insurance company -- pre-paid legal etc. ... my sister and her BF have this just because of psycho-x... when my sister returns my call, I'll post the info.. they maybe in your area.

You really might want to consider this as an option ... the happier you get and the more you move on, the worse she could get.

way2

<small>[ October 03, 2003, 07:14 PM: Message edited by: way2 ]</small>

Lyxa did you talk to an attorney about your X's harassment? You may not have a case against her right now but an attorney could help you in formulating a legal plan of action against her in the future. Afterall it is highly unlikely that she is just going to get tired of trying to ruin your life and will continue to find ways to sabotage any happiness that may come your way.

I haven't contacted a lawyer. My current financial situation doesn't make me feel comfortable doing so. But, I have all the phone calls and will soon have some additional info. That, coupled to stuff that happened during our separation, will give me a strong case for a permanent RO. TROs are very easy to get but very hard to enforce; I would say impossible in this case. But, the proof is there and it will most certainly happen someday. My x-WW is planning a trip out here to visit "friends"... and I need to think about what it all means y'know?

Personally, I'd rather kind of let her do her thing and then at the opportune moment, I'll go after her for slander and defamation with an arsenal of proof... and have the RO/gag order be part of a larger suit so that she is removed once and for all. THAT is more my style. At this point, a T/RO will just piss her off and feed the flames, so to speak as the calls people to tell them I've done this so I must be hiding something. The added advantage is that IF her two friends that live near me are still helping her, I can make them part of the suit and deal with them as well.

Unfortunately, I also have to think about how this all looks to my girlfriend's parents. I can totally see her in my future and I'd hate to do anything that feeds lingering suspicions about my character, intentions, etc. So, I need to spend a bit more time gathering support and proof... and set the stage to go all out or do nothing depending on how things are going.

<small>[ October 04, 2003, 05:28 PM: Message edited by: Lyxa ]</small>

Update

My x called my girlfriend's family on Sunday and they answered then hung up on her. She hasn't called them or me since... but did buy a plane ticket to come out this way around Halloween. So, I guess we'll see what we shall see.

I do not understand why one would leave and then need to harass you in order to make your life miserable.

As a rational person, it makes absolutely no sense to me.

I hope that things work out well for you. Stay strong, as I am sure that her visit will be turbulent.

Last night she called another mutual friend and left 2 voice messages in her typical fashion. My friend played them for me and then we deleted them.