Okay, I am vindictive, or something like it anyway. But I have been finding out just lately that the X's greener grass is getting a few weeds, and I thought I would give hope to some of you out there by sharing, even though I do not want to reconcile with my X.

Six weeks before he married the OW he wanted to reconcile with me....er.....huh? So I asked him why he married her, and he said "Well, I had to do something!" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> Poor lost WS/X!

Now to try and summarise, since then they have come to Australia to live (she is South African) and almost as soon as they got here, he had to fly to Russia for a month to fulfill a work commitment, leaving poor widdle clickety clack on her own in a new country.

So, anyway, my kids have just gone to spend a few days with his parents, which is near where OW is staying at the moment. X had been asking me WHEN the kids were going to see his parents.....and I finally arranged it for this week. I am guesing that he told the new wife/OW/clicketty clack because she called the inlaws to ask about mail and mentioned she knew the kids were there. She asked to spend time with them...good little step mother that she is trying to make everyone THINK she is, and she got the shock of her life. Because MIL said NO, that she did not think it was appropriate, that it might hurt MY feelings, and that she could spend all the time she liked with the kids when she was with X. Clicketty Clack then lost it with MIL and then blamed it on what a hard day she had had. Everyone say AWWWWWWWWWW!!!

MIL didn't tell me exactly what she had said, but she did say that OW/wife had a fiery temper and I surmise that she may have been trying to blame me for not allowing her to see the kids....which I did NOT want without their Dad being there, true, but had never mentioned to the inlaws.

So then tonight the kids called me to say hello, and MIL gets on the phone and tells me X had called the kids that day from Russia and sounded "...absolutely miserable, but then he has a miserable wife, so what do you expect?" I burst out laughing, and she said in a prim little tone "Now, Jacky, is that laughter I hear? Oh you are an EVIL woman!" I cracked up even more, and she and I had a good old chuckle. Never before have I known how much my inlaws were on my side regarding this, and also I did not think things would go so sour so soon. The X has only been remarried since July.

I was asked by a MB friend tonight if I would take the X back if he truly repented, and I said no. How would I know NOW of he was truly repenting anyway? I have been hurt too much. There is a grim satisfaction in knowing he is not happy, and I knew this would be the case, as I knew OW before. But I do not like the fact that that BANSHEE will be around my kids. MIL hit it on the head when she said "He can say what he likes, but we all KNOW why he is unhappy." Well, he made his bed.

C'est la vie, and all that.

Love and light,

Jacky

<small>[ September 30, 2003, 08:46 AM: Message edited by: Nina too ]</small>

Uofmtigerrr..that's my email Jacky!

Anyway, see what'd I say? She'c crumbling. And the MIl isn't making it easy. You are so blessed to have good IL's instead of outlaws as I have.

And yes, the hurt and betrayal is incredible that the WS has done. I know you don't want him back, but the whole a thing and comic remarriage is just more slaps in the face. They are struggling and not at all happy and you know it.

At least open up lines of communication with x. You don't have to talk to Clickety. She's absolutely nothing to you or your children and if even she tries to do the only OW/W thing they can do to seemingly "solidify" their sicko union--have a child, she's never the mom of your kids so that's that. Shut the door on that and slam the lid on that coffin.

Just think that when you and your hurt dies down a bit...Heck I am still in the middle of all my hurt still and struggling to just move ahead without having Family Values aka. Elvira the Butt Floss Model shoved in my face or stupid behaviors and verbal abuse hurled at me via IM's on my computer by Jethro....When you settle down a bit, then maybe there could be a chance to reconcile. We know she's temporary. Your x is miserable. His parents dont approve of her. They tolerate her and not very nicely.

That's the lot of a homewrecker.

And sometimes it's ok to have those horridly wicked little thoughts and have a laugh. It's hard not to. Everybody else sees their stupidity. They don't. It's like watching tv and the bad guy comes up behind the good guy with a gun. He's sneaking up, probably making noise or something and the guy on tv just doesn't get it. But we are in our armchairs watching saying "get outta the way--he's got a gun!" and that's the best analogy I can do right now.

Trust me, it was all I could do at the soccer game. Luckily it was bright so I wore my ray bans and he couldn't see my eyes. But he didn't and I saw his. Jethro is angry, angry angry. And I don't know why. But I suspect it's because weeds are growing in the greener grass right beside the septic tank. I already received the phone call from FV and got the whole scoop. Weeds are growing, but probably not before they do something incredibly stupid like your x and Clickety Clack.

Personally, I would do for my own satisfaction, what the other soccer moms told me to do. To look absolutely wonderful and show up somewhere where they both are. And do not show any demeanor change. It hurt like mad seeing what I did. But I was the champ there for my child and for myself. I stood up to that "thing". I showed her and looked her straight in the eye (after doing my defiant hair flip thing that Jethro knows I do)and gave the same look back to her in return. She got the message. And I have had the displeasure of telling her when she called me that "nothing stands between me and my child do you understand that? I will move any person or object that stands between us because my son is my family now since you wrecked it. Stand clear of us." I told her that firmly. Oh well, so much for the "let's have coffe, trade relationship stories, and go shopping together" the WS/OW wish we'd do with them. However, I think my x wishes I'd join them in a little more than shopping and that is just yucky.

But once all of this settles down, and you get out of this phase, it still is the anger phase. My counselor told me last year tht I'd get numb like you. Indifferent. And that's part of the anger thing. That when we heal we lose that and feel again. Maybe at that time you two could talk. But I'd make boundaries clear that as long as clickety is in the pic, that no talking between you two could occur unless it was for the children and their upbringing.

Jacky,

What a super post! I love it.

The nerve of that woman, trying to push herself on your kids in the absense of their father. Don't know what she lost her temper about, she has no rights at all where your children are concerned. Your kids are under their parents complete authority, step mother really doesn't count for much.

And your mother in law made a smart move, choosing to consider your rights rather than the wishes of the new squeeze. If MIL wants to keep up a relationship with her grandchildren, she needs to keep a good relationsip with you. Let me promise you that the grandchildren come first, the new wife is optional. The sooner OW recognizes that, the easier it will be for her to get along with X's family!

Don't feel to bad about the grim satisfaction, that is a superficial thing, it won't last long. I love it when someone gets on these boards and acknowledges his/her own humanity. It is perfectly OK to have some feelings and you do a world of good when you share those feelings honestly. You Go Girl!!!

All right! Sounds like it was handled perfectly well.

wow your post sounds like my life in many ways. My x just got married and his family is already taking bets as to how long it will last, even though they have been together 6 yrs.

Thanks for the replies....

Yes I am amazed at MIL's candidness on this, because she has kept most of her feelings to herself up until this point. But OW/new wife has shown her true colours now she has a ring on her finger, and so MIL realises that she is no good. In fact, she sees right through her. MIL even said she didn't think it would last. (DUH <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> )

I have known MIL a long time, and one thing she just CANNOT do is hide it when she doen't like someone. And she can make people feel very uncomfortable when this happens. X will know exactly how MIL feels, and so will new wifey. So Clicketty Clack is going to have to face the reality that not everyone thinks she is adorable.

I like that comment about MIL being smart about keeping me happy, but I would never limit their access to the kids. Anyway, I expect that now X is going to live here permenantly it will become his job to ensure his family get to see the kids.

Love and light,

Jacky