this is the direction its heading. Three years ago I discovered my wife was having an affair. Part of her reasoning was that she stopped loving me. Just last week, after what I had thought were successful years of rebuilding, my wife tells me again that she loves me but not as a wife should love her husband. Now she acts as if this recent conversation never took place. She still distances herself from me yet acts confused when I do not offer her signs of affection. How can I? Its almost as if she turned a switch on and off within herself and expects me to handle it in the same manner. I do love the woman with all my heart but feel as though I really have no options. Regardless of the end result, my love will still be there, but how can I offer it to someone I do not believe wants it? I am hurt, confused and bewildered. I wish I knew what to do..

Hi James,

I am sorry for your pain that you are feeling right now. I am not sure how to advise you. The only thought that stood out as I read your post was how love is not about what you feel (like most people believe). Your wife believes this. But true love is an action. It gives even to the point of death... for the sake of the other.

I am not sure if you are a Christian or not or know any of the Bible, but there is a verse in there about how love "endures" and it is "longsuffering" and it "always hopes, always believes" and "never fails."

I don't know if this helps you at all, but you asked how you can love her when it is not wanted. If a child rebels against a parent, which many do, and says, "Leave me alone. I hate you. You are so controlling." etc... well, the parent might have to leave the child alone, but their love does not diminish. They can love by being kind, by taking the insult and not returing it, by praying for that child, by doing good. The Bible says that we overcome evil by doing good!

I do not know your situation but I do ask that the Lord helps you and comforts you now and that He gives you wisdom to know what to do. If you do not know Him, I encourage you to find out about Jesus and how He can change your life and your marriage! Perhaps this crisis in your life is something God is allowing to bring you to Him.

God bless you.