I took mine off the day I filed for divorce. I wore my anniversary band on my right hand until I met my fiance then I gave it to my daughter who wears it. My wedding ring is in the envelope with the divorce papers, I didn't know what to do with it.

Jill

Like Chris, I took mine off on my the day my divorce was final. As a matter of fact, the moment the judge granted the divorce I let slide off my finger into my pants pocket.

Maybe it was silly but my philosify (sp) was to experience each stage/step of the grieving process. And the moment that ring slid off I felt the page turn and the next chapter began.

I guess I'm the only one still wearing mine!
But I don't feel like I'm supposed to take it off yet, as I am still legally married (and will not be the one to file). I guess I'm still emotionally attached (to both the ring and him, LOL). <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

<small>[ October 03, 2003, 04:28 PM: Message edited by: avondale25 ]</small>

I took mine off the day I found out about the affair. Then he said if I took mine off, that he should take his off, so I was terrified of that and put it back on. Then I found his a few weeks later in his vehicle. He claimed that he forgot to put it back on after he was riding his motorcycle because it pinched his finger!?!? So I just said ok and he wore it a few more times. Then he took it off our anniversary weekend (Nov. 2002) and I left mine on until March when I signed, sealed and mailed the divorce papers.
It is freaky to wear a wedding ring when your husband doesn't- it was the worst feeling.

I'm still wearing mine, avondale, but on my right hand. And I'm still married even though I filed.

I just don't know. It's kind of like my name. It's part of who I am. I'm thinking of sticking on a chain and wearing it around my neck.

This whole thing has been a slow growing apart for me. Very slow. My ring will have to get moved in stages.

I took my engagement ring off the night my x said he wanted the divorce. I took off the wedding ring the day I filed (my attorney recommended that I file, and I did). The day the divorce was final, I clipped the wedding band in half, flushed my half down the toilet and gave the other half to my attorney (who was my savior). It was a symbolic gesture that can't really be explained adequately.

My DH's x continues to wear the wedding set that he gave her 28 years ago. They've been divorced nearly 15 years and she's been married and divorced, again, since then. Now I think THAT is really weird. She was the one who was unfaithful in that marriage. I can't help but wonder if she thinks he's going to go back to her (they married and divorced twice). Does it bother me? A little, I suppose. Actually, I think it's pretty creepy.

To me my wedding band was a symbol of being loved and cherished by the man who placed it on my finger the day we married. I took it off when it became apparent that my definition of what a wedding band stood for was obviously a lot different from his.

He continued to wear his for a few more months all the while continuing his affair and telling me over and over again that he no longer loved me and wanted a divorce.

I still have it and even occasionally get it out and look at it. Not sure what I will eventually do with it, but for now I can't bear to give it up totally, but can no longer wear it even though we are still legally married and neither of us have filed for divorce... though he still insists he wants one.

Hello All:

My ex-wife took her wedding ring off immediately after my confession back in June 2002. She has not put it back on since. Our divorce was official in April 2003. Oddly she still wears the last piece of jewelry I ever gave her. I couldn`t part with my wedding ring right away. Basically I wore it six months longer until Christmas.

At Christmas, I gave her a tiny blue tin box with a picture of a half moon and stars on it. In a note inside, I wrote that this was the "hibernation" place for our rings. Both our rings have been there ever since. They sit on a shelf in a honored place in my home.

My ex-wife has suggested that if we should reconcile, she would like us to get new rings. In this way I guess, she wants to blot out our first marriage as if it did not mean anything. I have mixed feelings about this, but I guess since our first marriage is over, it would be appropriate to have new rings in a new marriage.

I guess it is obvious that I have not let her go. I will continue to stand.

Standing in Finland

Wow, what a popular little thread. So many different answers, but it seems to be that most people did take their ring off before the day the divorce went through, at points when you realized the emotional connection or the faithfulness of your spouse had ended.

Quipper posted: </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">If your husband is still teetering, will it drive him to you, if you take it off? Will he decide to just give up, like TOOMUCHCOFFEEMAN? Maybe that is a conversation to have with H? What are his feelings? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Me wearing or not wearing my ring won't have any effect on my H. He just doesn't have it in him to make any real commitment to me. I don't live with him, and won't see him so that's another reason my taking it off won't have any effect. We have already decided it's time to "give up" and end things.

greengables posted: </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">So a little of a year ago, when divorce looked inevitable, when I’d felt emotionally divorced from my husband for almost a year, I stopped wearing my engagement ring.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Actually, I did the same thing, I took off my engagement ring months ago, because I felt that there was no point in wearing a ring that symbolized how much he appreciated me, cherished me, and valued me, when he wasn't showing me any kind of treatment like that. It was like I had finally realized we were pretty much emotionally divorced, so I took it off. He noticed and asked about it and I told him why I took it off, he had no response actually.

He took his ring off on d-day and never put it back on. Maybe I should've figured it out right then and there that he'd never really want to treat me like his wife again, but c'est la vie. I needed to feel like I tried at this before I could give up.

Jen

On d-day, I was very determined that I was not letting this end things, and didn't even think about taking them off.

A month later, we had a big fight...short version - we were supposed to go visit my parents for a week for Christmas, the day we were supposed to leave, he tried to get me to go without him, saying that he felt that was the best way for him to work on 'us'. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> I refused, we fought hard for a day and a half, he finally went with me, and during the trip, he told me that he had planned to leave me while I was out there, a good 10-hour drive away, because at least then I would be with family when I found out. When we got back, I took my rings off for about 3 days, with the idea that I would wear them again when I felt he was living up to the vows they represented. But since we were in counselling, and he was supposedly "trying," I decided to put them back on.

Three weeks later, I came home late on a Wednesday night from church to find a note that said he had gone to be with her, that he felt he just 'had' to in order to know, and that somehow, he didn't necessarily think that was the end for us, and that if we were meant to be together, that this probably wouldn't really be the end. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

I threw my rings across the room. It took me a while later to find the wedding band which had gone under one of the stereo components....and given the way they are stacked, it amazes me that it ended up there. They haven't been back on since.

He called two days later wanting to come home - I said no, but told him we could try working on it again. But I think a part of me knew even then there were no more chances left for him, because I couldn't make myself put them back on, even when we talked about it a little after a counselling session, and he seemed really hurt when I said that I felt they stood for a promise he made to me and to God, and that until I felt the rings meant something again, I couldn't wear them.

Oh yeah, a side note to mine.....

Typical of my STBX, whether or not he wore his during all of it depended totally on me. When I took it off for the three days, he took his off too. Told me later that he had noticed, and figured the only reason I'd put them back on was to put on a good front for our MC, who is also a minister at our church. I explained that I put it back on because I didn't feel right not wearing them when we were supposed to be trying.....that other people's opinions of any of it didn't matter at all to me. I could tell he thought I was lying, even though I was never the one who lied.....but he always assumed whatever he was feeling was what I was feeling too.

After I had taken them off for good, I noticed at a counselling session he wasn't wearing his again. I mentioned it, and I got "well, I figured if you weren't going to wear yours, why should I wear mine?" When I told him that I felt mine didn't really mean anything anymore because he had broken every vow they stood for, and that the one he wore had never lost any meaning, he acted a little ashamed and put it back on for a while. But that was the last counselling session we went to anyway - shortly after that, I found he had been lying for months, and had never quit living with OW. The next time I saw him, he wasn't wearing it anymore either.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I explained that I put it back on because I didn't feel right not wearing them when we were supposed to be trying.....that other people's opinions of any of it didn't matter at all to me. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This reminds me....I also kept my rings on for so long because if there was a chance at us working things out, I didn't want the absence of the rings on my hand to start any gossip at work (we are both teachers and work in the same school district but in different schools). Now, I almost hope that the absence of my ring(s) gives people the hint that my marriage isn't intact, so maybe they'll actually avoid bringing up my husband.

Jen

We were legally separated on April 21,2001.
I couldn't stand to look at the rings anymore
they were making me cry alot.

so I took them off..then when he passed away
on Sept 22, 2002 I replaced it with a rose gold wide wedding band engraved with a cross on it for celebacy..and christian beleive as the scriptures say the Lord will be my husband now..and also wear a small heart shape ring with a ruby in it..representing the blood and heart of Jesus..means more to me..then my wedding rings ever did..and I had a small ceremony when putting them on..
others are in a box..once they meant the world to
me and had hoped we would reconcile..after
40 years...is a long time actually they were my second set he got me..at the others he had melted down..I STILL have it on my neck..it is a half carrot in melted gold..from the bands..and I do treasure THOSE...passing it off to my daughter soon..oh well..can't take it with ya anyway...
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

I took mine off the moment I found out about her A. I left it on the nightstand at her parents where we were on vacation and went to my parents. I told her when she was ready to work on things I would accept it back at that time.

I have yet to receive mine back.

I have seen her wearing hers off and on. I notice it immediately.

Just like you Eduard I removed mine the moment I found out about his first A (or so I thought.. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> )

Okay...I'll be honest...I was stupid & four months past DDay & later finding out about his serial cheating...I FLUSHED MINE DOWN THE TOLIET <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> !

I know...I know..thank goodness it was just a $75.00 band...(as stupid as that sounds it meant a h**l of alot more to me then that) I still regret it...wish I could have flushed my problems instead!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> gotta control my anger! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I only wore my wedding band from my first marriage for dress up because it was a wide, ornamental band that was very uncomfortable, something I did not realize when we selected them. I think it was an omen. After I threw XH out of the house, the house was broken into and the ring, along with my other jewelry, got stolen (not by XH). So I didn't have the problem of when to take it off.

A friend of XH's finally convinced XH to take his ring off after we had been separated six months or so. (Friend told me this-I had no opinion one way or the other.)

When I married H, I picked a band purely for comfort-simple gold band with a bevelled inside. I wear it all the time.

When H was talking about leaving me, I decided if we did get divorced, I would give him back my rings and other jewelry he gave me. The value of these items to me is sentimental rather than financial (although they do add up to a tidy sum), and if he weren't still around, I wouldn't want the sad reminders. However, that turned out not to be a problem-he's still underfoot-I mean, committed.

I took off my rings after I left the court room on the day of my divorce Sept 2003. My finger feels different and I miss my ring.

Decided that as X was now engaged or married I will return the rings to him even though it is valuable rings. It has lost its sentimental value.

Still thinking of the note I want to put with it.

Maybe: "I am returning our rings which signified our love and humble beginnings, to you.

Other alternative is to have a burial for the rings at sea.

X use to get very upset during our marriage when I use to take off my rings and perhaps forgot to put it back on again. During my pregnancy with my 4yo D, I was very swollen, X took the rings to a jeweller to have them made bigger even though I told him that my fingers would return to normal size after pregnancy - it was just improtant for him to see me wear the rings.

I don't think X receiving the rings now would make any difference - he is in a honeymoon period.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by GinnyF:
<strong>I took off my rings after I left the court room on the day of my divorce Sept 2003. My finger feels different and I miss my ring.

Decided that as X was now engaged or married I will return the rings to him even though it is valuable rings. It has lost its sentimental value.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I can understand your wanting to do this, but IMO the timing is going to look bad-like you are still trying to get his attention. Have you made a property settlement yet? If not, you could offer to give the rings to him as part of the property or to sell them and give him the money.

BTW, I have been told that valuable jewelry gets only a fraction of its price at resale. The appraised value only tells you what it would cost to replace the piece, not what you can get for it.

He claimed he "lost" his ring when on trip to South Beach when I found out Monkeyho was there. She probably threw them into the ocean...

I took mine off after he threw us out of our family home new years' 02. Quit wearing it. When filed for D.

Sometimes my hand still feels it there. It was really heavy platinum. When things got tight this year after his not paying us for almost 7 mos. 2100 per month..Do the math...I sold center 2 karat stone to keep afloat. Replaced it with a sapphire. Still won't touch it though. It is gorgeous. But won't wear it.

Wierd, but at the soccer game last sat. there is still somewhat of an indention on his ring hand where his used to be and one still on mine like I took off a ring and was a WS trying to hide the fact.

I wear no rings now. Either too lazy to put one on, or just don't want to have to think about what hand to wear one upon. So being that I am not in the dating mood for say...maybe the next decade...I am just going to not wear one for a good while.

I too wore my ring until there was no chance of turning back. Even if he changed 10000% and found God again in his life, I'd need new rings because the old vow is dead. Dead and over.

I decided yea, it means something, but without that meaning behind the object, it is relegated to being "just a thing".

I stopped wearing my diamond set about 5 years ago... I haven't felt married in that long.
However, the ring set wasn't from Hubby anyway, so technically it wasn't my wedding set. It was a personal gift to me from his grandfather 12 years after our wedding. He gave it to me to show his appreciation of the things I did to make his life easier (cooking for him, taking him places) after his wife had a serious stroke. Seeing that my hubby only ever gave me a promise ring (tiny little chip of a stone) as an engagement ring, I will happily return that little thing to him. (It is so tiny that even my teen daughter refused it when I offered it to her 2 years ago.)

If he wants the other set back (huge mother of a stone plus many other smaller ones), since it was a gift to me and not my marriage set, he will have to buy it from me at the appraised value. Otherwise, it is going to be reset into a lovely pendant around my neck in the very near future.

STBX quit wearing his quite a few years ago (maybe 10 yrs) He says it was because it wouldn't fit his chubby little overweight fingers anymore. I think in reality it was because he wanted to appear to be single when travelling and when visiting clients. (He gladly shared with me how many women have made a pass at him over the years of travelling. HAHAHA I really don't believe that)