HI, I just found out 2 weeks ago that my husband has been unfaithful to me. We have not been getting on for a while, even tho we have only been married for a year.<P>He loves music and loves to go to nightclubs to listen to music. Well it has now transpired that he has on 4 recent occassion picked up other women there. This has made me sick at heart and I find it hard to trust him.I am trying to stay married and to give him his space at home to work on his pc and basically be more aware of his boundaries, which he said has been one of the problems.<P>I have ALWAYS felt uneasy with him going to night clubs, even tho he always used to say he was only listening to the music. I felt uncomfortable with him going out a couple pof times a week at 11.30pm..midight onwards, while I was asleep. I work and he doesnt as he has an anxiety disorder. He sleep all day and is awake all night.<P>I do go to clubs with him in the weekends, but weeks nights are too tiring for me, plus he sometimes wants time to himself. I dont feel we need to be joined at the hip either. I enjoy window shopping and visitting my female friends alone also.<P>It is now at the point where I really dont feel secure with him going out alone late at night after what has happened. I dont want a situation either where he feels he has to check in with me as if I am his mother either as I dont think that would go far in helping our marriage.<P>How do I deal with the feelings I am having? I want to cry all the time and curl up in a ball in bed when I get home from work.<BR>I dont think throwing it up in his face will help, so I keep everything to myself and feel I am dying inside.<P>I want to be able to cope and stop these feelings eating me up. How do I do that?<P>My previous husband of 14 years did the same thing to me and was fully supporting anotehr woman as his mistress for the final 6 yrs of our marriage. Do I have a light flashing on my head that attracts certain people? This wqas one area where my husband(present) and I had both said we would not tolerate transgressions, now here I am trying to keep my mariage together.<P>I dont feel I can go away on vacation with my son or a friend as my husband will be out sleeping around when I am not there. Itnow looks as tho part of my role at work is going to mean I am away overnight a few times a year. I feel sick at the thought as I feel my husband will then be out all night for any night I am not there. HELP!! I cant bear thisanymore<P>I mean, I know he can sleep around in the day, or in the short time he is out at night( he has proven this already!), but going away and him being at home, just makes me sick inside. I need to be able to focus and cope and get on with life.<P>He has apologised for hurting me and said he wont do it again, but how can I trust him? He has already done it and I feel that once this vow has been broekn it is so easy to do the same again,especially when he will be surrounded by women at clubs. Anotehr part of me says that all I can do is try and get on with life and not obsess on it. HOW DO I STOP OBSSESSING??? Any help will be appreciated. I feel alone

Well I understand how you feel, my H also liked going out without me, until I also found out that there where other females involced in his escapades. He didn't sleep with them, but it came close. I could no longer trust him after I found this out, I told him how I felt and let him know that it was his behaver that caused me to lose trust and if he wanted to save our marriage and want me to trust him again that he would have to change his behaviour. I chose not to be a grown man's mother by being suspicious when he is not in my eye sight.. he now only goes out to clubs if I'm there.<BR>You have to take control of your situation and when the marriage is no longer working you are going to have to decide what is best for you.

Please go post this on the just found out board. You will get so much more help. <P>Hello and Welcome to Marriage Builders! <BR> <BR>First, I would like to share two links with you. Just click <BR>on the underlined links here, and read –><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi10_tour.html" TARGET=_blank>Tour <BR>of Marriage Builders</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000553.html" TARGET=_blank>General <BR>Welcome</A>. <BR> <BR>Please read everything you can on this site, post and read <BR>often!! <BR> <P> <BR>I believe in the concepts espoused here, if applied properly. <BR>One idea that has worked *wonders* for some couples is <BR>Plan A. Read about it here –><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>What <BR>Are Plan A and Plan B</A>. <BR> <BR>Use what you learn here to make your marriage a safe place <BR>where you do your best to meet the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3300_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>Emotional <BR>Needs</A> of your spouse,and avoid <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love <BR>Busters</A> whenever possible. . When a decision must <BR>be made, use the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3500_policy.html" TARGET=_blank>POJA</A> <BR>to determine the final outcome that <BR>you can both agree upon. <BR> <BR>Many couples find that counseling is VERY helpful, and <BR>the counseling provided here is excellent for several reasons; <BR>but the most important is that it goes along with the concepts <BR>here. Check it out here –> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7000_counsel.html" TARGET=_blank>Counsel <BR>Link</A> <BR> <BR>Again, welcome to our community, and feel free to write <BR>often and ask lots of questions! <BR> <BR> <BR>