I recieved a call from my son's 2nd grade teacher saying that my ex H had called and asked about bringing cake and ice cream for our son's birthday, and she wanted to know if that was ok. I'm not sure what to say, here's the background:

*Ex H hasn't bothered to have a visit with the boy since Oct. 31 of last year.

*the divorce decree stipulates that all visits are to be supervised by a counselor or dept. of human services and he's not to approach the children at any other time.

*Last year he did the same thing and the teacher said she'd never seen anything like it.....he brought in cake and icecream and presents for all the kids and it was quite the circus.

*he hasn't paid child support in 5 months.

*I discovered during the divorce process that he had spent time in prison before I met him for molesting his stepsons in his first marriage; this is the reason for the supervised visits.
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I realize that this visit would be supervised by the teacher, however I have very mixed feelings about the whole thing......he wants to surprise our son, and then may not see him again for who knows how long......

I sure would appreciate some insight.

Even though I am a strong advocate for involving parents at any turn, I think that in this case, he is more of an intrusion in your son's life than a part of it. He doesn't seem to understand that you can't just be 'Dad' a few times a year. And that in trying to be so, you actually hurt your children more than help them. This is no 'connection' that he might be seeking. He is doing this to look good in everyone's sight... being the magnanimous father.

I would be hesitant to allow this visit. NOT because I was worried about him molesting your boy, but because being 'surprised' by his 'father' at school after having not seen him for a year is NOT what your son needs. Besides, it gives him the wrong idea about what it is to be a 'dad' which might in essence hurt him in his relationships in the future.

Wow... I can't believe that I am saying this, but my opinion is to say "NO"... not like this. I know that I wouldn't want to see my dad only on my birthday in this manner. Perhaps you could directly offer him a couple hours the day after his birthday to have a 'normal' supervised visit. But, I think you son needs to know that dad isn't just going to 'POP' into his school or life every once in a while. It could actually end up causing school related problems, not to mention emotional angst when thinking about school. And that is something he does NOT need in his life.

Adding a resounding NO WAY here.

Anna, kids are so precious and so susceptible to the cons in life. Your son has to deal with the rejection of every day living without Dad, because of Dad's lack of interest, he does not need the SHOW of Dad appearing to impress his friends with his lack of love for him. HE needs his friends support - not his friends telling him what a wonderful Dad he has - because Dad impressed them with gifts.

What a JERK... Can we possibly CAN them and send them to the SUN so they can REALLY SHINE????

Blessings,

Jan

Thanks for your advice......turned out the whole thing was out of my hands, as the principal called my attorney, the judge, and the police dept. to get the legal opinion and was told that a school visit isn't considered "supervised" and he couldn't do it. So, the principal called him and said he could leave the cake with the superintendent's office and it would be delivered to the class.

End of story.

Well, I can certainly live with that. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Kudos to your principal. The jerk at our kids' school would have said, come on in, and bring the pony rides ...

Yea!!!! Great call.

I agree....NO WAY!!!

And suggest the school call child services or the police if he shows up..

Kudos to the principle!

Update:

Today was the BIG DAY. My son's teacher was concerned about his safety walking to and from school (4 blocks), so she offered him a ride both ways......he was so excited! I wasn't really concerned, but hey, why not let him......he sure thought he was hot stuff!

And dad didn't even bother with the cake. So I'll send treats with him on Monday.....

PS: I love this school system. The Principal is a great guy and really understands my situation. This year, most of the kids teachers and the secretary attend our church, so we have great communication. Not to mention, this school is great academically. It's a public school system, but really excellent in everything from moral to academic education.

What a great post Annavon!!

I am really happy for you and your son. We have a good school system also. I was prepared today to be at my son's school in case there was a problem with my ex trying to take my son from school early. They couldn't have been nicer--of course I have worked in the system for 7 years also--and with 4 kids I know most of the teachers and all of the administrators. It is nice to have the support tho.

Have a great time with your son on his birthday...I am sure you will have a fun celebration. Pat