Last night I saw an old girlfriend for the first time in 5 years and we had loved one another. I told my wife that i was going and she was not to happy, I should have stayed home because it made my life worse. We talked about old times, she has two kids and I am married with no children. As we were saying good bye she kissed me on the mouth with the tongue. I knew it was wrong, and when I got home I told my wife and know she wants to divorce me? what do I do?

Run to a marriage counselor and quickly.
Try to salvage your marriage. Counseling is far cheaper than divorce. If you believe in the concepts, try the Harley's for counseling.
Also read everything on the concepts part of the site, and order the books or tapes.

DON'T DO NOTHING!

Hopefully your wife is just over reacting initially and will calm down. If this was just a one time occurrence and nothing more becomes of it, count yourself lucky.

I would read up on the concepts from this site. Read the Book His Needs Her Needs. Figure out what lead you to wanting to meet this ex-love and why you did what you did. Find out what your Emotional needs are, which ones aren't being met etc.

The questions I would ask myself are- What lead me to wanting to see this person? If I was happy in my marriage why would I even bother? If it was just a friendly meeting why couldn't I bring my wife along?

Take the initiative. You fouled up, now YOU must do something about it. If you just let things go it will only make it worse.

<small>[ October 08, 2003, 09:31 AM: Message edited by: Eduard ]</small>

help,

You've been given some good advice here, take it!!! Read and do the things that YOU must do to make your marriage safe for you and your spouse again. You were honest with your wife and that is good.

THE BIGGEST THING THAT I AM GOING TO TELL YOU AND NO ONE ELSE HAS YET IS THIS............ARE YOU LISTENING? DO NOT, DO NOT I REPEAT DO NOT SEE THIS OLD FRIEND AGAIN!!!! SHE IS A HAZARD TO YOU AND YOUR MARRIAGE, YOU ARE NOT EVER GOING TO BE JUST FRIENDS WITH HER SO DON'T EVEN TRY!!!! GOT IT?!!!!

Welcome to MB!! I am glad that you were smart enough to seek this type of sight out!!! Read the info that is here, write up a plan A so that you will have a map for regaining your wifes trust and love. Back off and give her some room to deal with her feelings, you've hurt her by your actions.

My 2 cents worth for you tonight, take it or leave it that is your choice!!!

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

We have talked and all she wants to do is remind of what I did and blame me for doing this. Yes, I am guilty of kissing her, but I do not want to loose a marriage over it. I told let's talk to someone and she said that you should. She will not come with me. I know I caused the problem, but we have to discuss our feelings with someone. I do not want to loose her. It has been two days and it is non stop abuse. What do I do? I plan to see someone tonight by myself. Anything I say to her she gets heated. She wants me to leave, she wants me to be dead. Maybe all this is out of angry and I understand. Thanks for your help

It's good that you are going to talk to someone. Having a professional's perspective on things can be of great help.

Just be careful on who you choose. You want a Pro marriage type of person who's not going to just dwell on past issues and drag you out by trying to resolve every single past issue. That's just a way to keep taking your money. Their goal is to equip you with the tools you need to fix things so you no longer have to see them.

I would tell your W something along the lines of "honey, I know I fouled up. reminding me of my biggest mistake is not going to resolve this so I'm going to seek counseling. You are more then welcome to come with me and I hope that one day you will."

It sounds like she may need some counseling herself. One of the greatest things that has helped me is the understanding of how this could happen and the way it can be fixed. Try to get her to read some of the concepts off this site or explain them to her.

Call Harley's show on Monday. He can give you some advice. One thing -- don't downplay the seriousness of what you did. It's good you told her right away. People make mistakes, even bad ones, but a pattern of deception is more difficult to overcome than a one-time kiss that was confessed immediately.

I went to see someone with her and she liked her, but her mind is set on divorce. The therapist said, you are going to divorce him over a kiss and she said that may not be the best thing to do. But the Wife said he cheated on me and so he is out of my life and I can never be trusted. As for a lawyer I have contacted someone, but have not had a sit down conversation. It is expensive. I guess that what it costs when you make a big mistake.

That sounds pretty tough that she would go to a D over that.

Do you think she was looking for an excuse for D? Or are there past issues where she feels she can never trust someone who has violated her trust ever again?

If you truly Love her, don't give up.