My XW and I seperated in feb. and our divorce was final 9/26. She was seeing someone shortly before our seperation and is still seeing him. It appeared that she needed someone to fill the void. I know he filled the emotional needs that I was not even though most of what he was telling her was just what she wanted to hear. I talked to her brother recently who just moved into town and he still wants to be close friends though she does not like it. He shared somethings with me that she shared with him. She also demanded that he tell her what he and I discussed. He told her I still loved her and I also gave her a few compliments. I think she was surprised that I did not trash talk her. She is really picking up the pace now of going over to OM's house about every night plus dragging the kids with her. I think about dating once in a while but I love my XW dearly and the thought does not last long. I think most of it is just being lonely. I have recieved so many e-mails and read stories of reconciliation that I feel hope still even though things look bleek. It is painful but I feel God strengthening me through this. I know if we were to get back together it would never be the same old relationship. I would cherish ever moment with her. She gets upset everytime she see's me in person. Say's "I can't get past all the things that happened between us during our seperation". Me hiring a PI and doing some PI work myself. What does she expect I was going to do? Everyone tells me the guilt is working overtime on her. If nothing else I just want to be friends right now. Especially for our children. what do you all think about it?

It is natural for you to still have feelings of love after 18 years of marriage because you can't easily erase all the marital history you had with her, so cut yourself some slack.

Give yourself some time (a year or two) before you chose to get involved with another woman. This is just so that any leftover feelings of love for you W die off and won't sabotage any future relationship you have with another woman. You would be surprised with how many BS's start having committed relationships after their divorce (or sometimes before it) and later have their X's wanting to reconcile that it puts them in a very tough emotional situation. Don't put yourself in this situation.

Hey Adam,

Sorry to hear about the D.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I have recieved so many e-mails and read stories of reconciliation that I feel hope still even though things look bleek. It is painful but I feel God strengthening me through this. I know if we were to get back together it would never be the same old relationship. I would cherish ever moment with her.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It's good to hear you still have hope. Without hope, there is nothing. If you let God have his way, he can work wonders in you and through you.

Knowing that things will never be the same is hard to accept. But at the same time it's something that is imporant to realize. Why would you want the same old relationship that lead you to where you are. Hopefully in time she will realize these things and want to make something new and better then what you had before.

My WW has tried to pull the guilt trip back on me for looking at her emails and informing OMW about the A. I feel it's just an excuse for them to try and make us feel guilty for doing the right thing. They tell us it's hard for them to get over something like that, when they don't even CONSIDER what WE have to get over <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Being friends is the best thing especially with kids involved. Look out for yourself and your kids first and foremost. You can play influence on her world through her brother, but be careful.

Dating is tough and will take some time. Just make sure if you do you allow enough time for healing so you don't give your date such a rough time with your baggage <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

You sound like your heart is in the right place and you're doing the right thing. Keep up the good work and the faith!