Wow---I have waited about 6 weeks to post about my newfound state of recovery and emotional freedom. I wanted to make sure it was for real.....Just a summary:

I was married for 32 years when H started to act stranger than usual. He has a drinking "habit" that has caused many poor decisions, a drunk-driving accident resulting in paraplegia, a DWI,indifference to M and poor use of money. On the other hand he is very responsible, passive, kindly, and hard-working. I always saw the things I loved about him and did not want to admit to his defects of character. AT the point of this strangeness, I discovered OW. I was struggling with great frustration and depression regarding the emptiness of our M and did not know at the time that my struggle with an alcoholic spouse was coming to an end.

Well-----we all know the rest of the story. The pain, not sleeping, not eating, not able to function, crying 60x a day, anti-depressants, hard decisions, tearing apart all that is familiar and worthwhile in your life and the letting go of what cannot be.

When I moved out of my home and M in Nov 2002, I NEVER thought that I would be without pain. Well, I am here to tell everyone that the pain does end, the longings go away, the ability to live alone can be SATISFYING, and life is good. I feel like I am alive again. I can truly laugh with complete abadnonment, I can enjoy the peace and serenity of my life without alcoholics, I can live each day without feeling rejected, resentful, discouraged, insignificant......What a life.

I thank God and all the suffering "saints" on this board for guiding, directing and carry me through the worst years of my life.

HALLEJUAH!!!!!!! I have never felt so free.

TW

tossed,

It truly is an awesome feeling when you reach that "peace". I'm glad that you are there now!!!!

I have been there for awhile. I like being single, it's not so bad. I enjoy doing things with the new single friends that I have made. I am sorry that my marriage died, but my xH allowed that to happen. I had to chose how to deal with it, I chose not to let it rule the rest of life. My kids are ok and doing well.
My xH is not the man that I loved and wanted to share my life with, I don't much like the person he is now, and that to is ok. I can tolerate him when needed.

I would have to say life is good and I am enjoying it!

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Interesting that each of you speak of a threshold I have been approaching...After a year of hell and 4 false recoveries, I am starting to laugh and like myself...I am starting to like being around others again..my confidence is coming back...now, my WW wants to reconcile...so she thinks....I did not want any of this and the little peace I have found feels good...several people have told me I look better and happier...sure I miss all that I had, but not so sure I will ever have the W I thought....after such a traumatic experience, sure it could be better, but I am now not willing in my heart to go back....I am happy for you both as I still occasionally have moments....but they are fewer and less intense because I am feeling better amout me.....

Daybreak, how long were you married? Had to be around 20 years? Great to hear that you are recovering at a steady pace, too. I never thought the pain would end but it did and I like the single life, too. Not dating and not really interested or obsessed like I was before. I do love marriage and think it is the most fulfilling union possible but if it doesn't ever happen to me, that is ok.

Amazinggrace, I have been reading some of your posts and you are definitely in a tough place. I commented the fact that you need to have proof from WS to participate in reconcilation. Talk is cheap so look for the action to her words. Just don't let her play you like a yo-yo. Not good for anyone. Keep feeling good about yourself and change whatever needs changing. Whether your W benefits or not, you will have no regrets.

TW

TW, Glad to hear you're recovery is progressing so well. You certainly sound different than you did a year ago! I definitely understand when you say: </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I can enjoy the peace and serenity of my life without alcoholics, I can live each day without feeling rejected, resentful, discouraged, insignificant</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">but the waves of grief still wash over me from time to time.

Are you divorced or just separated? I'm still not divorced and the end isn't even in sight. WH's whole family seems to have totally cut me off - not sure why, but just don't care anymore. This week I changed my name back to my maiden name, just to help with the detachment.

Recovery isn't always a straight line for me. It's usually two steps forward, one step back.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by daybreak:
<strong>
It truly is an awesome feeling when you reach that "peace". I'm glad that you are there now!!!!

</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">daybreak:
You have responded to me with opinions on my threads. Within the last month of so, this "peace" has come to me also. I think it is the peace of the dedicated spouse, sometime the betrayed spouse. I was talking to a woman friend of mine last night on the phone. She was a betrayed spouse. She told me that her XWH was constantly trying to get anyone to talk to him or keep him company; anyone. My WW is like that also.

It seems the betrayers cannot stand to be alone with themselves and their own thoughts. But we, the betrayed spouses, the ones who tried all we could to save our marriages, eventually come to this peace, because we did do all we could. We can be with friends or alone with a good book or house work, whatever. We are at peace with ourselves. We think of our WS or X's and sometimes miss them but we eventually find peace.

Sometimes I envy my WW because she has someone, but when I hear of the torment she has whenever she is alone, I am glad I don't have that guilt to torment me. Again, we are alone, but we can live with ourselves. We have peace, though the road to it was very hard. The betrayers may never have that.

LetStry---I am only separated legally from Jan 2003 but really the separation started in the summer of 2001. We have slowly been torn apart and it truly is getting easier and easier to live apart from WS.

I do not understand the freedom I have. The grief is gone but I do experience some sadness sometimes. I also have never lived without some kind of emotional pain so living without pain is cool. I love that part of my new life. I was beginning to think I was crazy and chronically unhappy. Now I have discovered that I could not live in my H's alcoholic world. There was no room for me there, sadly so.

Sorry you are still overcome with grief. It will run its course and you cannot short circuit it. It has to play out and get worked through. Just the fact that you can let go of your H's family is a good sign that healing is happening. How long have you been separated? Why is it slow going? Who has to make the decision to divorce?

I think I will have to make the decision to divorce. If I want to date, I will have to be the one who starts the divorce proceedings. Why would WS want to divorce...he can "date" while being married. He can just do anything while married. He is very passive so I do not think he can make a decision like that.

TW