In some states, the property split is not necessarily 50/50. If you were divorced in such a state, what is the most lop-sided percentage you either experienced in your own case, or are absolutely sure about another case?

The state of Texas could go 60/40 if you can prove an affair and you have remained totally faithful even after the separation or 60/40 if you can prove physical abuse.

There's also a chance of alimony in the state of Texas if your spouses income is substantially higher than yours. Especially if you can prove abuse.

ANNA

Thanks Anna. I'm actually trying to see if there are bona fide cases of 65/35 and 70/30, or whether that's just an urban legend.

Come on - didn't anybody on this board get (or pay) more than 50%?

Ok, I am in SD. xH wanted out so badly that he didn't fight what I asked for. We didn't have any real property. We each took what he had taken when we seperated. Sold the family van, I bought out the car I had from him and he purchased new one for him. Didn't make out well as alot was owed on van.

I asked for a specific $$ amount. I wasn't sure at the time what the child support amount would be, but knew that what was over that would be alimmony, I also asked for a 3% COLA each year on the anniversary month of divorce.

When our incomes were added for child support calculation he took 77% and I 23%. So any medical that is not covered by insurance he pays 77% and I 23%.

I asked for all of my lawyers fees to be paid. His lawyer capped them at $600, xH agreed on a notorized statement that he would pay the full amount, he still owes me $1000, I had to pay the lawyer off.

And in SD I can sue OW for "alination of affection"

Am not sure if this answers what you where looking for or not!!!!

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Heh heh heh... I just figured out our 'split' and I ended up paying 82%... I took a few things of furniture and all the debt except for her student loans. I gave her the house, the car, etc... I paid her over twice what I would have needed to had I decided to go to court (My choice for the good of my boys.). I paid for her mortgage so my boys could stay in a great house.

heh heh heh... all she had to do was live in it. But she decided that she wanted something else. Moved from a 'free' 4 bedroom house to a 'cost' 3 bedroom townhome. Her choice... So she sold it, took the money and has now lost her mortgage payment by me.

All in all I got a good deal. Because I no longer have to deal with her. If you were to add in my student loans... it would be more like 95/5. But I still came out ahead. Because my honor is intact, I gave until I couldn't give any more and it STILL wasn't enough. I was still accused of living the good life while she toils away... getting free and clear more a month from me than for her salary as a very tenured teacher.

Had I gone to court, it would have been half of everything. Including half child support... actually should be more like 65/35 child support to me. She is gone so many times on 'her weekends' my 6 year old now can even see that 'mom just isn't around much is she any more.' But she did watch them for about 3 hours after school, 6 times a month on 'my time'. For that she made well over $100 an hour (not including child support), but it isn't what she makes or has, it is what I make that she doesn't have. That is the real issue for her. I have changed my 'caregiver' and will be having them with someone else very soon.

All this was my choice. And I am glad of it. I am not in the typical situation that most are in on this board. I make great money and my ex was the wayward spouse. But I am glad for what I tried to do... I did it for my heart and the good of my boys. And I can hold my head up when I look in the mirror.

<small>[ October 14, 2003, 12:17 AM: Message edited by: Formerly Confused ]</small>

FC - my wife would love to have me be as "reasonable" as you were. I think we are in similar situations, but I find that my wife's household income is actually higher than mine, after the various support payments. Have you found the same thing?

Dawn - thanks. In some ways, I wish we didn't have any real property to split up either. Here is what bugs me - I contributed most of the money to this marriage, and my wife will walk away with most of that. But it doesn't work in reverse with any of her contributions to the marriage. No more domestic support and certainly no more SF. She helps to raise my kids, but I'm paying her for that. If we didn't have any assets to divide, it would be more fair.

I think the state perpetrates a fraud by issuing marriage licenses.

I have only recently become 'solvent' so to speak. Before, she was definitely living better than I was. She had a 4 bedroom house, jacuzzi, fenced yard... drove a 2000 (we bought) loaded Durango... had her money, my CS and maintenance... and she STILL thought I was living better than her. She had one credit card of 'ours' that I ended up taking in the settlement as well.

I live in a 2 bedroom condo... drive a 97 used Explorer... have ALL the bills except for her student loans. And I STILL had more money than I had living with her. I don't know WHERE all the money I made went living with her. And YES... her standard of living was still much better than mine in ALL aspects. But I am a 'doctor'... so I MUST have been doing better than a 'teacher'. Regardless of whether I was still in training or not.

Now things have changed. I am doing well, she has blown, via her choice to buy a townhome instead of a comparable home, the maintenance I had promised her. She thinks she can just do whatever and she has no effect upon the world, however EVERYTHING in the world effects and is directed at her. This change will be my fault, I am sure. I am also sure that I know it is not and more importantly, that I no longer care to play her guilt/manipulation game. I played it for 14 years, and it almost killed me. I made poor choices, but I really truly believe that they were in a large part based upon my reactions to what she was doing/saying. I don't know, and I take responsibility for my actions fully. But I can see things that she accuses me of NOW, that were similar to before. I just was blinded by love, respect, and trust before. Now that I don't trust a thing she says or does, I can look more realistically at what I feel and choose, and I see the same occurances, but with me reacting and choosing differently.

All in all, I am nothing. I chose to give what I gave and take what I took because I knew that in the whole scheme of things, it would help my boys, not hurt me... and perhaps even help her along the way. She spit upon my attempts to help by accusing me of NOT helping, therefore, I choose now to just let her go... I have the ability to pay her without it effecting me to much degree, so that is what I do. Hoping that a little of it actually makes it to my boys. But when those boys grow up, they will see what I did, and tried to do, and perhaps they will be proud of their daddy. THAT is all I hope for...

In the sale of our house, we paid off mutual debt first, and then split the remaining amount 65% me, 35% cheating lying him. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> This was proposed the night he told me he was leaving us, and although he tried to backtrack after the guilt wore off a bit, I'd already turned those figures into the lawyer. He got the paid off older 4WD, I got the leased mini van. Whee! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I didn't take very much furniture or 'things' from our house, because I didn't want anything that reminded me of him. He moved in with OW right away, so he didn't have all the expenses I did of setting up a new household, so I thought the distribution of money was fair. Plus I had our three small children 80% of the time. I don't know if a judge would've agreed to this if he decided to fight it at the last minute or not. I'm guessing most go down the 50/50 line to make things easier. Good luck!

FC - yeah, my wife says the same thing about having nothing, vs. me having everything. A couple times, my kids come in with all kinds of statements and questions. I've shown my pay stub to my oldest son so that he can see the split. Since you're well-educated, here's a little quiz for fun. If things don't improve for your wife in the next few years, whose fault is that going to be?

Who ... (your ID reminds me of a song by The Who - Who Are You? - but let's not get carried away) ... a judge might have agreed to 65/35 if you had greater need for the money, which it sounds like you did. Maybe his own lawyer told him that. My lawyers (I've had 2) have been telling me that my offers are generous.

Hi Everyone. I am new to this board. Have been posting on the Recovery board (still bounce to recovery with H but think this is where I belong now).

Anyway. We have decided to split the debt 50/50 and the sale of the house 50/50. We have agreed on the cars as well. I gave him more visitation that I really wanted to but oh well, he is the father. The only thing he keeps fighting me about is Use and Possesion of the Family Home. I want it for three years after the divorce is final. He says NO WAY. If he could have it his way, we would be selling it now, not even waiting for the divorce to be final. He feels it's UNFAIR that I can live in a big 4 BR/ 3 1/2 BA home while he lives in a 2BR/2BA apt. He does not seem to understand that I want the kids to reamin in the neighborhood that they have know all their lives. I don't care about the house, I care about the kids, their adjustment and being around what they are familiar with.

He thinks if we sale now we will both walk away with a nice amount of $ and no debt. He is correct and although that is very tempting to me, I still want my kids to live near their friends. I can't afford to buy him out (unless someone knows something I do not) and I can't afford to buy one on my own.

I hear what your S's have given/taken and I think I am being fair but he thinks I am just a B****

Luv - first, it seems like you've been entirely fair.

Second, the costs and delays and upheaval in selling a house are significant. Then you both lose the equity-building aspect. Most people overestimate what their own house is worth. Suggest that your husband split the cost of an appraisal and figure in the selling costs. I agree with you the kids ought to stay in the same house if possible, but if this argument is lost on your husband, maybe the more accurate figures will help convince him.

My experience in a 50/50 state was not 50/50. Fortunately, my ex and I did not go to court to divide up everything. I had a good attorney that gave me excellent advice that I would like to share.

First of all, there were no affairs or extenuating circumstances. We had more debt than assets, alot more. If fact I was surprised to find that debt is also 50/50 regardless of who ran up the credit cards. I made about twice what my ex makes and she was the one who incurred the debt. Before filing I went and talk to my attorney and asked him this specific question. His reply was yes the state is a 50/50 split, but in reality if you go in front of a judge he will award anywhere from about 55-65% of the debt and 35-45% of the assets to me. He said that we could fight to get it closer to 50/50 but the chances were slim and in most cases the attorney fees will exceed any benefit that you can achieve, unless there are ALOT of assests. Additionally it will take longer. He suggested that I talk with my ex and try and come to an agreement around the 45/55 split in her favor and move down the road. He said too often he sees clients spend more than they get because they let their emotions get the best of them.

I will tell you, my ex and I did make the agreement and for the most part it worked out. Her emotions did get the best of her in the end as she wanted more but in the end you have to realize it is only money, items are replaceable and there is a real cost of peace of mind and the ability to move on with your life:)

I win. I got it all.
We got to keep our own retirements. I got everything else.

Luv,

You can do what we did with the house. Establish a reasonable selling price for the house by contacting 3-4 realtors and by using the tax apprasal. Then determine the equity in the house by subtracting the amount owed from the reasonable sales price. This is really the amount that should be split. Say the house could sell for $200K and you owe $150K, the equity would be $50K which you are both entitled to.

Now to allow you to keep the house and for him to get the cash that he needs to buy him a new place, refinace the house with a cash payout equal to half the equity ($25K). Your house payment will go up slightly and he gets the house. Even if you both have to be on the loan, the attorneys can draw up paper work to protect him if you default on the loan and to assign all rights to the house to you so you are protected. This worked well for us and is actually quite common. The only part is gettin past the emotions and seeing what is best for the kids.

Even if you both have to be on the loan, the attorneys can draw up paper work to protect him if you default on the loan and to assign all rights to the house to you so you are protected.
The problem with this is;
ownership of the house and the mortgage are two different things. The bank doesn't care who owns the house, they care who's name is on the mortgage.

Like this; Divorce. The house goes to the wife in the divorce decree. She never gets is refinanced and just pays the mortgage. One day she quits paying or falls behind.
They end up foreclosing on the house and the husband gets hit with the foreclosure notice. He shows the decree to the bank and they don't care. His name is on the morgage.
Even with a Quitclaim Deed, the bank will still hold responsible whoevers name is on the mortgage.

Same thing with credit cards. They don't care what a decree says, they care who's name is on the account. If you separate, cancel all joint accounts. The money owed will still be owed by both but no new charges ccan be added.

<small>[ October 16, 2003, 06:46 PM: Message edited by: Chris -CA123 ]</small>

tmmx and dlw1965

Thank you both for your response. Problem is, just like you dlw we have a lot more debt than assets, most of which has been incurred during our two year up and down. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> Good thing is that the large chunk of our asset is the house, which continues to increase in value at the rate of about 11% or more a year(according to appraisers loan officers, real estate agents, and that wonderful thing called property tax assessment, etc). We just had the house appraised in order to get a home equity line of credit (to pay of credit cards) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> and it appraised at $525,000, we owe $358,000. Take out the debt and selling costs (we want to do a sale by owner) and we both stand to walk away with a fair amount of cash (well at least more than we have seen in a long time <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> ) and totally debt free. God, what a wonderful feeling that would be. So you see, with all the debt, I can't afford to do as you suggested. At least I don't think I can.

The homes in our neighborhood have been selling in as little as 4 hours to 2 weeks. One even sold in one day on a sale by owner. So, you see my H does have some valid points and we do run the risk that the market will take a turn downward if we wait. However, I just can't bear the thought of moving the kids. The big thing is that I CAN'T afford a home in our neighborhood on my own. I an not even sure I can afford one in our school cluster so that the kids can continue in the same elementary school. I thought about just getting an apartment for a few years, until the housing prices level off and I have a chance to save more money.

Thanks so much tmmx for saying I am fair. He really has a way of making me doubt myself. He always throws it up that I have my slush fund (i.e. my inheritance). I told him I much rather have my mother back than her money. There is not a lot left of that because when we separated last year, he did not pay child support for several months and I carried the credit cards, car insurance, etc. that whole time. We never had a legal document so I have no recourse against him. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> I was a stupid sap <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" />

I just want to comment about Chris' reply. He is absolutely correct the banks and credit card companies do not recognize the divorce decree. This is a risk that you have to assess and see how it weighs against the upheaval of moving the kids. At least if you do get a quitdeed (I belive this is the same as what my attorney called a warrant), if she does default on the loan, you have the right to take the house by paying the back payments.

As far as selling your house and being debt free there is alot to be said about that. I can tell from my stand point of being divorced for 2 years know, I will be paying the debt off for at least 5 more years. The debt makes doing things very difficult and has limited my housing, vacation, and day to day things I do. But most of all, it is a constant nagging reminder of some of the worse points in my marriage. It makes getting that fresh start and putting things behind you very difficult. Knowing what I know today, I would have used the equity money to payoff the debt and live in an apartment for a while to get debt free. I didn't because I wanted to give my kids a nice place to live when they came for visitation and for the summers. What I didn't realize was this was more of my need than theirs.

Take care.