This is a horrible read, so bare with me. I found out a month ago that my wife (W) cheated on me with a man she worked with. I was totally shocked and just recently came out of a bad depression. The other man (om) has been divorced and very unhappy for quite some time and unloaded his entire sad story on my (W). My (W), unkowing to me, was very unhappy with our relationship because I was not paying attention to her and was "chasing the money." I think they each had someone that would listen and eventually became very close. My (W) was layed off from her job in May and during the first week after the layoff she went to his house and cheated on me three times. My (W) says she is in love with this man and just loves me as a family member. (W) says that this man told her to go back to me because of our 4 year old daughter. (W) and I are currently seeing a counselor and we are both committed to trying. The only reason (W) is trying at this is because she has hurt me, but at the same time she wants to be with this man that she loves. I don't know what to do. If we make it work, she will still have a place in her heart for this man and it kills me to think that she will be thinking of someone other than me for the rest of our lives. How do I live with that? On the other hand, if I tell her to go to him so I can start a new life, my daughter will be affected and so will I because I do love her. If I have to start a new life, I want to do it sooner rather than later. My wife has three loves in her life 1) daughter 2)other man 3) me, all in this order.<P>I am also thinking of confronting the other man and telling him what he has done to our family. We are both sleep deprived and going a bit crazy. Good idea?

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by matthew123:<BR><B>I am also thinking of confronting the other man and telling him what he has done to our family. We are both sleep deprived and going a bit crazy. Good idea? </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Probably not. I'm sorry you didn't get an answer to this. You would probably get more response on the GQ or JFO boards.<P>In short, many, many people live through your situation, forgive, and build an even stronger relationship. This man filled some emotional need for your wife that you have neglected. Identify it and work on it. I would strongly suggest that you counsel by phone with one of the Harleys, or get a local counselor that employs their methods.<P>If contact can be avoided for a few months -- all contact, even phone or email -- your wife's feelings for this man should start to fade, and her feelings for you should reawaken, particularly if you work on avoid lovebusting and fulfilling her emotional needs.<P>This isn't something you "live through" it is a challenge you have to tackle. Go for it! The Harleys can usually be scheduled for initial emergency sessions on very short notice. <BR>

Matt,<P>I am so sorry to hear that this has happened to your family! What a devastating event....<P>I believe that you will get the largest outpouring of support, advice and knowledge if you begin posting about what you are going thru in General Questions II portion of this board. Many of the people who, like you have been betrayed go there for help, and find lots of it! They forget to come here and check to see what's going on.<P>Please try posting there, Matthew, it may do you a world of good. <P>Best of luck to you and your Wife, hope to see you in Gen. Questions!<P>Khyra