Me and my wife have been seperated before and she has slept with another guy.My trust for her is long gone after i took her back she started doing the same thing to me. I worship this women been together for 11 years high school sweethearts. She would go out with her friends and come home late like 2 or 3 in the morning and then when i ask her whats up she says thats it we fight to much i want a divorce. We just moved to a new state and things were fine for a while. We set new goals and dreams together. Then she loads my 2 kids up and takes them back home. Says we fight to much and she loves me but not in love with me what does that mean? After she is gone i get the phone bill and find that guys number on it. I got angry called her up and yelled she says thats why were not together anymore cause of your temper. I have talked to my kids my 6 year old tells me they went to some guys house. My wife says i'm sorry you can't deal with the fact we are friends. Is it right for a wife to be friends with someone se slept with behind her husbands back? I'm not sure if i go back now or stay where im at If you love them set her free.
Can people go through 2 seperations and work it out? I would but she does'nt want to she makes it seem like it is all my fault but i did everything for this women anything she wanted she got and now she is saying i'am insecure because i would ask her if she love me or not. I think i asked her questions like that because the way she would make me feel. Nice guys finish last

Reading your post made my heart sink. At this time my relationship is not going very well, but I would like to offer this one to you. In my opinion, I think you should try and get you kids back before you try to get you wife back. Those children have enough to deal with, watching their parents seperating, they don't need to add other men to their little lives. The "I love you, but I'm not in love with you" statement is a cop out. The woman has no remorse for cheating on you and she has no problem rubbing it in you face by still being friends with the guy. I do believe that couples can reunite after several break ups, however, both have to be willing to do so. And in most cases they will probably need help doing so. Her continuing to see this guy is a good indication that she is not. I'm not one to tell a person to go and get a divorce, but I hope you will look at the situation and figure out what is in your best interest. Our therapist told us that sometimes we confuse familarity with being in love. So start there, ask yourself what it is about her that you love so much. And finally, I see nothing wrong with being insecure about her cheating. That is one of the biggest betrayl a spouse can do to the other. And it does take time to over come something like that. You may want to seek help for yourself, AND GET YOUR CHILDREN BACK. Good luck to you.

Thanks for the insight. About the kids I did ask a lawyer about it and she said the only way is to prove her a unfit mother. I know she has hurt me and my kids by doing this but they say thats not grounds enough for being unfit. Now that this is happening i am finding out more and more things out through friends and its hurting even more i have come to the fact it better i don't even talk to people about it. Its like i tried to ask her not to leave and she says this is best so i said im not going to begg you to stay. She was really nice to me before she left and her last words to me were I LOVE YOU. Now when i did talk to her on the phone she is really mean and cold hearted so i went right to plan b dont even talk to me.Its hard because if she does love me how can she be doing this? I also remember her stateing i will never do to my kids what my parents did to us and now i look back at her parents and its almost the same thing. My parents have been married for 35 years im actually the first one this has happened to on my side of the family. Thanks

TETE,

I can relate...I think the same thing happened with xW's parents marriage...my family has only 1 other divorce among the cousins.

Stay strong during this ordeal...you will pull through. I wouldn't go back to her unless you see some real changes. You may not see them, but if she doesn't change, it is not a marriage worth having.

T- My H said the same thing to me when he was in an intense EA/PA and wanted a divorce though I was devastated and wanted him back. After ALOT of personal counseling I discovered I had never set the necessary solid behavior boundaries with my H and this created an unequal amount of investment in our marriage- mine was higher than his so he took advantage of that fact and justified his A by telling me our marriage was "over in his head" and that divorce was the only answer. He even re-wrote our entire marital history in front of our pastor and a counselor and blamed me for all the major stuff in it conveniently forgetting HIS role in it all. Have you read the books "Love Must be Tough " and Boundaries in Marriage" I recommend you read these and also find a counselor or close friend to lean on until you become emotionally stronger and more able to deal with your W's unhealthy projections onto you. 'Guard your heart' like the Bible says. We have gone on to reconcile but only due to extensive counseling and lots of effort on both our parts. I no longer put up with things I used to and I don't invest more trust than I can afford to give away. Take care- lifeismessy

Thanks to everyone who has gave me insight. I'm actually getting along better these days. Even though I'm still finding out stuff from all sorts of people. It does get old. The day my wife said she was leaving i did start counseling through a christian group. It's really nice just to have someone to talk to and will listen. All this time i believed my wife when she would say its me, and now every time i'm having a bad day i come here or just look at the phone bill that has proof she was calling some other man. I bet thats my fault too LOL. I know it in my heart she will regret doing this she is already calling and not leaving a message. i have been doing plan b now for about a week and it has helped me a bunch. Thanks to all

TETE, my H also said he would never do to our children what his parents did to him. Now he is in an intense A, in love with her, can't decide between us, and we may be finished and heading for divorce. I spend all day reading here, reading books, thinking about him.

Circemyth_2, You have given me something to think about. If he treats me like this, why do I continue to love him? And in fact, I love him much more now then I did before all of this. Funny how life throws you a curve ball once in a while.

lifeismessy, first thing tomorrow I'm running to the book store to get those two books, plus the other one I saw you recommend, "Women Who Try too Hard." Thanks for the info!

You know someone has told me before why do you love someone who does'nt love you. I say i dont know cause i do and i want it to work out with us and he says because you want something you can't have. Is that true? I rember asking my wife at the time we moved your all in or all out 100% and she says i'm all in. How can someone go from being all in 5 months ago to leaving today? How can someone have sex with you one week and say i want a divorce the next? When that means so much to me I guess some of us just have better morals.