Well for those that know my situation, it has been a tough couple weeks..WW wnts to reconcile after a year of hell..I did inform her, it is not in my heart...The Love Bank is Bankrupt...Yes for all who are biblically focused, I do beleive in miracles, etc, but also biblically I did all possible to save my family and marriage..Now....we are all seeing the destruction of multiple poor decisions...As such, in the sweet revenge area, it is not as sweet as one may think..my WW is now seeing the harsh reality of Divorce and the impact on finances, kids, etc...she is in counseling for Batterers Intervention / Anger Management as a result of her arrest....she still blames me for much if not most of what has occured..sure she says she knows it is all her fault, but now her latest is that her group therapy is telling her she should have stood up for herself and been more forceful years ago...Sadly, these are women who only know her side and what she wants to know..it kind of reinforced my decision and lack of love to reconcile....aside from the practical aspects, neither of us is emotionally healthy to respect nor reconcile our hurts....atleast not at this time...I have been seeing another lady....she is also a BS...lots to talk about....her presence did not influence my lack of deposits in the love bank by the way...that occured several months ago...anyway....in seeing my WW struggle, I do feel sorry that she came to this point so late and we are all going to struggle for quite some time...but I have decided to get back to my own well being so I can be the best father and person possible under the new situation....tomorrow is my B'day, and it is tough because I did not so much as get a card from WW last year because she was so focused on OM....well, I am going to enjoy dinner out with my children and new friend...try to keep the mind from wandering...and enjoy all that I do have...finances are tighter than ever and I feel guilty for not being able to provide as I would like, but I also have to tell myself the truth...I did not ask for or encourage this....well gonna go for now just kind of rambling on....

Happy birthday and many more, amazing grace.

I hope the coming year brings you happiness.

Happy B-day AG.

Keep your emotional guard up with regards to your new lady friend for not only are you still married to your stbxww but you are not yet totally emotionally healed from your ordeal.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by T00MuchCoffeeMan:
<strong>you are not yet totally emotionally healed from your ordeal.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">How can you be sure? I think only amazingrace can answer that. JMHO.

My H is now living with OW. He has been cheating for 7 or 8 months. I made a covenant with God and H to "forsake all others". I've had lots of opportunities to go out with others, sleep with others. Can I go back on my covenant, even though WH has? No. Think about taking the high road. Also happy birthday.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by believer:
<strong>My H is now living with OW. He has been cheating for 7 or 8 months. I made a covenant with God and H to "forsake all others". I've had lots of opportunities to go out with others, sleep with others. Can I go back on my covenant, even though WH has? No. Think about taking the high road. Also happy birthday.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Show me in the bible where God says its ok to be a fool.

I must agree w/ startingover...I was beginning to feel like a door mat....having done all that is possible, it was clearly time to move on....Not an easy way, but a healthy move to end the nightmare of self doubt and humiliation despite the loving actions and willingness to reconcile...As Harley says, after Plan A, Plan B, etc....your love deminishes and eventually ends...This is exactly what happened to me...The love is gone.....I never in a million years thought this possible..yet I can tell you..it has happened..

AG I KNOW where startingover is coming from but are you being totally honest with yourself? Not with regards to your decision to divorce your WW but with your decision to start a relationship with this new woman even before your marriage has ended. All I'm trying to say is to be very careful because the last thing you want is to get out of one hell only to end up in another if you let your emotions dictate your course of action before you get to know the person she truly is.

TMCM, yes you are correct...and I am being guarded as is she, being a BS herself, she knows the emotions I currently have..she is two yrs post sep and two month divorced...As for my M....yes, technically we are not divorced, but do have a written seperation / mediation agreement waiting before the judge....not trying to split hairs, but my WW made a decision while we were not even seperated and elected to continue w/ 4 false recoveries...As for Startingover, I too see where the comments are coming from ...in fact, another friend stated similar sentiments....being a christian / good husband or any other attribute does not mean to be a doormat...not trying to justify anything other than how I feel after having followed Harley's plan and Dr. Dobson as well as counseling....