Hi,

I'm dating a divorced single mother for several months now. You may be familiar with my other post on this board. Anyways, after 10 months of being a deadbeat dad on the other side of the country, her x-wh is suddenly asserting his visitation rights and coming out to visit for a weekend.

My question to you all is this:
- As a boyfriend, what am I supposed to do?

I feel a bit conflicted. I mean, on the one hand, I feel pretty secure in the relationship we have and I don't want to come across as being jealous or controlling. On the other hand, I can't compete with someone she lived with in marriage for several years and had a child with. Do I hang out with her during his visitation? Oh, it's supervised visitation too. So, essentially, she has to be there with him and the 20 mo old daughter.

I don't think she'd want me to get together with an old girlfriend, essentially alone, or even chaperoned!, for any amount of time. Granted, I know this is different... but is there a protocol for this? Advice anyone? It's next weekend.

“””” As a boyfriend, what am I supposed to do? “”””

Stay out of the way while the father visits his child IMHO.

”””I feel a bit conflicted. I mean, on the one hand, I feel pretty secure in the relationship we have and I don't want to come across as being jealous or controlling. “”””

Is this any different than the drug issue?

“””On the other hand, I can't compete with someone she lived with in marriage for several years and had a child with.”””

If you are “secure” in the relationship there is nothing to worry about and it’s not a competition.

“””Do I hang out with her during his visitation?”””

I don’t believe that would be appropriate, just my opinion. I think it’s opening up a big bag of worms and starting a potential fire where there is no spark.

“””Oh, it's supervised visitation too. So, essentially, she has to be there with him and the 20 mo old daughter.”””

Who is ordered to be the “supervisor” of the visit?

”””Granted, I know this is different...””””

Yes it is different. This is a man that like it or not she should have a (parental) relationship for a long time.

“””Advice anyone?”””

From what I’ve read I think that there are many red flags going up in your mind in this relationship. Maybe you need to really evaluate what you want out of it. I feel as if I’m coming down on you a little bit harsh but you’ve already expressed that you can’t or won’t trust her in two major areas of life.