hi everyone. i'm new. my wife of 2 years just recently divorced me(1 month ago). we had trouble from the start because her mother never liked. she is hypocritical and manipulative (although my wife never saw this stuff no matter how many times i pointed it out). her mother never liked me and told my wife throughout our marriage that we should have stayed friends. we dated for 4 months before marrying, but we believe quality of time is more important than quantity. we touched on all the major topics (religion, child rearing, etc) i was busting my butt to get out of school so we could start a family. adjusting to living with someone of the opposite sex, being married, working full time, and going to school full time put a lot of stress on me and our marriage. i didn't feel like doing a whole lot of things with people and she did. she wanted me to join her church and i probably would have, but she kept pressuring me to and not letting me take a break from my daily grind. she's a wonderful person and very loving. as a result of my busy schedule, i neglected her to some extent, but not as much as she makes it out to be. we bought a house last september (a fixer-upper). this added more stress to our marriage. we talked about divorce in nov. of last year. she brought home the papers in march of this year. i never wanted the divorce, but finally agreed to sign the papers. i took my ring off (due to anger, not because i didn't love her)and she was very upset. we both said some pretty mean things that we did not mean. we went on separate vacations. she went to live with my wonderful mother-in-law on april 21st. we went to court on june 3rd of this year to get a divorce. i broke down and told her it was not what i wanted. we agreed to try to work things out. in july, she changed her name without telling me. i found out when we transferred the cell phone into her name. i asked her to come home repeatedly over the summer and she always said she couldn't until we had a solution in place. meanwhile, i was still very stressed taking my last class to graduate(a computer programming class--my major is accouting) and also from our problems. she asked 3 or 4 times throughout our marriage to see a chruch counselor with her and i was too prideful. this summer i was the one doing the asking and she said it was too late. too much had changed. although she would not come back home, she did come and stay the night with me or spend the day with me. we would get intimate and make love. this happened numerous times throughout the summer. two weeks before she divorced me, she told me she loved me and then immediately following those words she said maybe she shouldn't have said that. we also held each other on the beach watching the sun set in the sky. after the divorce she told me to not to call and give her space. she said she didn't know if she loved me as a spouse anymore. then, if i left her alone she would call me. she would still flirt with and smack me on the butt. i still love her very dearly. i tried explaining that i was really stressed out with all that i had on my plate and she said it was an excuse. is she right? i don't think so because now that i graduated and i have my new job i feel no stress whatsoever and i feel like my self again. we also flew to tampa for the weekend of 0ct 5(our two year anniversary). i had already bought the tickets as a present and asked if she still wanted to go. she went and got mad at me for holding her hand. then later on the she grabbed my hand and put MY arm around her???!!! recently i told her i was going to join her church and she told me she didn't love me anymore and she never wanted to be married to me again. i love her so much and think that she is really confused and that her mother is manipulating her. i would do anything to be able to realize the dreams that we had planned after i graduated. does it matter that she is mormon (no disrespect intended)? any help, thoughts, or advice would be greatly appreciated.

Hi Ves,

Well if you truly want her back you will only do so by actions. Read up on this site, start Plan A, find out what her emotional needs are, what her Love Busters are. Get familiar with the terms and read read read. You will only win her back by bettering yourself and not trying to change her.

As far as church goes, I would only do that if it was something YOU want to do. Do not do it for her. That will lead to resentment if you constantly do things for someone else because they forced you to instead of YOU wanting to do it.

Best of luck,

Eduard

thanks eduard. she seems so unresponsive to my attempts. how can i make deposits when we have agreeded not to see each other? how will i know that i am making progress? should i just leave her alone for a while?

Yes, WS will be unresponsive for the most part to attempts we make to show them our love. Don't expect any miracles over night or any love in return.

You can still make deposits over the phone if you talk to her or if you happen to see her. Plan A is important because without it Plan B is useless. You Plan A to leave the WS with good thoughts of you and if they don't respond and you run out of patience THEN you do Plan B and N/C to save any love deposits you have made and any love you have for her.

You may never know for certain if you are truly making progress. I have seen "some" progress made but I have also been looking for too much progress at the same time. If and when she changes you will notice by her actions.

I would look out for yourself at this time and do things to keep your mind off of constantly thinking of her. Work on the areas you feel were shortcomings in your relationship. If she sees a change in you that she likes, it may attract her back to you.