thanks for the advice. i really just need to let off steam somewhere and can't dump on all my friends, (some are already avoiding me!) and my counselor isn't available for a week. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

the poja only works when h is willing and most times he isn't. we came to a ja over my move to another state (see have the blues today) and he retracted his end of this last week. says he only agreed to this to make me happy and that he never planned on following through. so i am back w/h and feeling very confused.

i can meet most of his en's but don't feel that he values mine at all. h always will hold his over mine such as financial as it has always been his ability to provide and i better appreciate it. and as for rec. compan. he says he needs his free time and won't involve me in that time anymore.

sorry, i am kind of rambling here. the past couple of days have been comfortable around here w/h but then tonight he tells me that 'i don't hate you' and 'i will always love you' and then walked out the door with a 'we'll talk about this later'. i don't want to talk w/h yet since i know he is still brooding over things in the past and won't consider us being together in the future. it has taken us a long time to get to this point and i believe it will take more time than the week i have invested. how do i postpone the talks about the future?

another problem is that i haven't followed through on his need for sf yet even though i have showed some sa. he was ready for the sf last night but i know it would just be a one nighter not a full commitment on his part. with the possiblity of an ow out there this is very difficult as i don't want him seeking sf w/someone else yet i don't want to give in to his needs just to be used.

which is probably my most confusing thought. some therapists state that when the spouse is ready to leave let them go so they get over the negative side of myself and then reappear w/the positive side. and i heard that i'm not supposed to say 'i love you' since then the h will feel cornered. but yet, if there is an ow, i need to fulfill all his needs and conflict w/any plans they may have. which way do i turn since i don't know yet on the ow (just my radar went off a few weeks back) and i don't feel like spying on him.

sorry this is so long. need to go and pick up my s from his after school activity. will get back on here later if i can.

<small>[ October 16, 2003, 06:47 PM: Message edited by: uofmfan ]</small>