I am new to this board, I have been posting over the last few days.

I noticed your signature line and saw that your final divorce is pretty fresh. I hope you are doing well. What really caught my eye was your hope to reconcile. I have had that hope for so long, at this point (fianlly going through with this) it's still there but quickly diminishing. What keeps you hoping?

I know most people can't understand how we can still love someone who has hurt us over and over but we do. Well, at least I do. When my H and I talk about simple things, fun things, the kids, I feel love for him and I hope that the tide will turn and we will find our way back to each other. It's just all the other baggage of the OW, and trust that keeps us at odds (He jsut does not get it).

Well, like I have said in past post, I have read so many e-mails and stories and even talked to couples who have gone through this process, found a way to forget the past tragedy between them, (and this one is crucial) forgive one another, and find a better new love in each other that I have that hope there. I trust God with all my heart to help us. I know I cannot make her choices for her. Only she can do that. But, unfortunatly, we have to live with the choices we make. As I have said repeatedly, I and my children pray constantly for her. We have attended church faithfully, she more than I because of my work schedule, for the past 8+ years(although she is not going now. she tried but I believe she felt too much conviction when she went) that I believe God is trying to reach her. She claims to be a child of God but that is not for me to question. God has a plan for each of our lives and we will find things are always easier his way. He will even let us take the lumps on our heads over and over. It is our choice though to follow his way. God is in the business of changing hearts and lives. As a matter of fact there is a couple that attends our church that thought all was lost, divorced for 4 years and God miraculously put them back together. It is a inspiration to hear their story! We all know that the down side is that not all couples get back together but have faith in God. Place your trust there first. Pray constantly for your ex. Thats all I or we can do. God bless!!

<small>[ October 20, 2003, 09:58 AM: Message edited by: adamv ]</small>

Someone please help me and my family. I am lost and wondering what to do or how to do it. My wife is so angry and all I can think is how I have loved her and my 2 step children and our 2 children ages 1 and 2. I havent always been right. but Ihave tried to do the right thing. As my friends refer to her and ger relatives, they take the fun out of dysfunctional. Although that hurts, I feel obligated to at least try. I continue to , gone to counceling, she refuses to go and I even set up copunceling for my step daughter, 14yrs old. We are living in the same home, but seperate and the pain in my heart is unbearable. The lies and distrust of have of her are mre than I can handel, but my heart bleeds forom the pain and damage my children will suffer from this, they are the light of my life/ the warmth in my soul. I dont know what to do and am eternally lost and looking for hope or compassion in understanding. If anyone is close to plainfield IL. please send out a tow rope for support.