As you know my wife has left me and gone to another state. When she left in such a big hurry after she was gone i noticed the things she left behind all the pots and pans, all the pertty night gowns i bought her her pillow and she takes that everywhere on a trip, Do you think im tring to hard to read into this? See she has some stuff in storage out here and is coming after it in a couple months i did know about some stuff she left in the basement. I've been doing plan b and it has worked good with no communacation. She has called a number of times this week and has not left a message why? she does not know i have caller id now. Then when she does leave a message she says I called last night because the girls wanted to talk to you, call me and let me know when you will be home and the real reason i called is to see if you can mail our daughters lunch box. Now i know my kids dont work with her so why is she calling from work? Sence that message she has not called again. tell me what you think am i loosing my mind tring to figure this out. Am i living on that one chance of hope?

Tete, It is hard to tell from what you said if there could be any hope. When separation is occuring between 2 people who have lived together and shared many things together, it is very hard when the tearing is going on. Each partner wants the pain to stop and so they may reach out to the other partner out of habit or insecurity or reluctance to continue the tearing. It is very foreign to a husband or wife to go without talking with spouse for days and those feelings can compel us to do things not necessarilythat mean they want to reconcile.

The only way to know if there is hope is to talk to your S and then to see evidence of a committment to make changes and work together forsaking ALL that has come between you. How do you do Plan B with children? Do you have minimal contact? Are you doing Plan B to re-establish your love for your S?

I personally have been able to talk to my WS and keep a relationship going....I do it to benefit my kids and I really don't harbor any ill will against him. He is trapped in addictions and does not want to know how to get out so I have been able to create proper boundaries which allow us to communicate very well.

It is all so confusing that only time and proper steps will reveal the things to come.

TW

I just told her that after i found out she was incontact with her ex lover i didnt want to talk to her anymore. I told her unless it has to do with my kids then i don't care anymore and she agreed. Thats whhy when she calls me from work 4 times without leaving a message i don't respond. See she has done this before and i begged her back every day it seemed like for 8 months now three years were right back to the same place. I just read love must be tough and that has alot of good info i recommend that book to everyone. Yea and you probably right about the calls it just seems like to me that maybe she is regreating leaving and yes i do want her back but thats where tough love come in to play. I should be use to it by now cause for the past three years she has been off and on i'd say twice a year i go through this but this is the first time she has left sence we got back together. Now my buddy calls me and says his wife is doing the same thing to him and his wife is in contact with my wife. It's a big mess

You are doing the right thing TETE. Her actions will speak louder than any of her words, and until her actions match her words, you are wise to stay in Plan B.

Tete---Love Must Be Tough helped me alot. It is so hard to see reality sometimes and Dr Dobson has a wonderful way of bringing things to light. It is a real challenge to be loving and tough at that same time.

TooMuch is right on target and it is true that her actions have to match her words. Keep your distance but also be aware if she exhibits any real change.

TW