{{{{{Peachy}}}}}

I am and have been mentally and physically abused by him. Yea, I thought for a while that small percentage of him would change, but not. I was abused mentally, not physically, but I definitely empathize.

I post here because I vent and need to find ways around him... and still working through some things that are the end result of years of emotional and sporadic physical abuse..not to mention the adultery. Good for you. Keep venting as long as you need to!

Since becoming aware of his problem (he very likely has NPD) it is taking me a long time to finally admit and see that there will be no change in his behavior. Nope. As you said, you answered your own question.

My old counselor told me that women who are abused frequently wish their abuser would "have an awakening or say they are sorry". I know I have wished that. This has been a hard one for me to get over as well.

I am working on getting tough.That is my new direction. It's hard when you've been through as much as we have. My mom died of breast cancer and 18 months later, I was dx'd with breast cancer, had a mastectomy, chemo, radiation, and tram flap reconstructive surgery. During all this, my H was crying on MOW's shoulder about how tough it all was on him! He left me with 6 teenagers in the house (none my biological children) and a business to run that we'd previously been running together.

I vent alot here because alot of people have unfortunately endured this as well. Unless you've walked in our shoes, you just don't get it. Nobody could. And sometimes after posting, you see your own mistakes and a bit more of clarity. Very true.

Got an interesting call from my bro in law ... He said that "he is lashing out at you because he is miserable... he is sick and has problems and will focus his anger on you b/c he is really angry and out of control himself." I believe this, too, that when they're lashing out at us, it's their own misery driving them, but even knowing this, it's still hard to be the brunt of it.

It's like until they suck the life out of us and the life out of what was once a marriage, they arent happy and when they do, they move onto another person to suck the life out of. Yes, from what I heard, WH has been at least as abusive to MOW as he was to me. But she's even more vulnerable than I was because she's so much younger, has no job or job skills, has a young D, and gave up her relationships with her family as well as her H (D's father) for my WH.

It's been since he has reestablished contact (and been cruel) that my feelings have surfaced again. Good observation. Good insight!

Pray for courage and clarity for me. I will.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by justpeachy:
<strong> I am not sure if you have followed my posts off and on for almost two years..

Thanks and God bless everybody. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I've followed your Posts since Day One for you, JustPeachy. Can still remember when you were 'NotPeachyInGa' and I still pray for you and your son.
I do feel for you, you've been thru so much! God WILL give you justice and make up for the bad times you two have been thru - just like He did Job in the Old Testament.
Hang in there, my friend!
Harold
PS - We miss having you hang out in 'The Kingdom' of Caerlon...
PSS - And good for you! saying you didn't need to communicate with whomever your ex-H is with now. Only communication either of them need is a SKITA from you and your son. (This is not a slam) but I fail to understand why you have the dope still on your IM?!! He's just going to keep using it to keep giving you grief.
JMHO, Harold Lee

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

The above outburst was because of jethro's recent actions.....ick ick and more ICK! Add an S to that and it describes him pefectly.

Now, I agree with Harold...take doofus off your IM buddy list and then you can't see him. BLOCK him from sending to you next time he does, as well. Block his emails and only take his calls for your son. ONLY talk to him about your son, and business if that is still necesary, but if you are like me, the only money sense you get is through the lawyers.

When I couldn't stand X's attitude to me anymore, I got my son to answer the phone. Even at his young age, you can teach your son to pick up the phone by role playing with him. When X asked to talk to me, I pretended to the kids I was too busy. I did have him on IM because he communicated to the kids that way sometimes, but I always made myself look like I was offline, so he couldn't see me and badger me.

I NEEDED that distance from him to heal, and it really helped me. Although I will now speak to him directly, I do not have a clue what his new life is like because I do not make small talk with him. I do not tell him anything about my life either.

He is stamping his size 12 NPD boot because he cannot get his own way with you, so what, let him...not your problem anymore. Do not dwell on his pettiness....it is bringing you down.

It is SOOOOOOOO important for you NOT to talk to him, Peachy. Your recovery depends on it. And about visitation....get through that by having someone AT YOUR SIDE the whole time. He won't play his games with you so much then, because the NPD person wants everyone to think YOU'RE the crazy one, and won't do anything too rotten in public for fear of his image being shattered (that is, his PERCEIVED image of himself in public - we all know the soccer people see him as he really is by now).

I am so sick of these kinds of WS's who think they will always have control of us. Just tonight I had my X being condescending to me about raising the kids....well, excuse ME! I have been doing it all on my own for two years now, and just because he wants to waltz back in and play weekend Dad, he thinks everyone should just be so happy about it (OD isn't). I told him not to talk to me like that....he says like what, so I told him he was being condescending and I was well capable of handling the situation. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> Doofuses, huh?

Okay, enough said....get that man out of your hair and GET THAT JOB!!!!

Love and light,

Jacky

just peachy - I'm in Plan B, and so much happier with no contact. Yes, you have to let him talk to and see son, but that can be done. If he is really planning "new" family (what a dummy), it'a time to stop talking to him about anything personal, your relationship, his plans, etc. This guy is in deep fog - I can't even imagine how he thinks discussing something like this with his betrayed wife is appropriate. I think we all should put in a dollar a month, and send it to the person whose spouse is in the foggiest fog. Kind of like a pool, then the winner could go out for a nice treat. I've read a lot of crazy things here, but your H takes the cake. Hang in there.

peachy -

Please don't take what people are saying here as criticism or attack. Not that I think you're doing that, but it can sometimes feel like people are kicking you when you're down. Everyone here is concerned about you and has your best interest at heart.

I had a spouse who I believe was NPD. I'm not a clinician and can't make that diagnosis, but the symptoms and patterns were there without exception. So I do have some sense of what is involved and I know the pain and damage first hand that can be inflicted. You have GOT to protect yourself. Learn to ignore. Let him bluster all he wants about bogus legal action or whatever BS (Not "betrayed spouse" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> ) he wants to. You saw how much credibility that had. There will be more and more of this as he senses you disconnecting. Please see it for what it is, an attempt to remain in control. But it won't work unless you let it.

I found it tremendously helpful to simply block as much communication as possible. If it were me I would block his IM and his email from your accounts. Maybe you can't do that because of your son, I don't know. But in any event, any communication you get that isn't directly about son, just ignore and delete it. Don't read stupid stuff like dirty jokes and waste your time thinking about who is on his email list. IT DOESN'T MATTER!!!

And the suggestion about having someone there with you during communications is an excellent one. NPD's will protect theire public image, no matter what. He will behave himself if he thinks there is a risk other people will see who he really is, without a doubt.

I'm not a physician, but I do think that situational depression can lead to physiological brain chemistry changes. These can be helped by meds. I think far too many people run for meds far too quickly. But I know that they were tremendously helpful for me when I had to make my break. It doesn't mean, as I'm sure you realize, that you're weak or defective in any way.

Each moment you spend thinking and hurting about him is a moment that you could have spent in a better way, for yourself and for your son. Don't let him continue to do damage by wasting your mental and emotional energy on him.

In reality, as you know, there is absolutely nothing you can do about his actions. He's remarrying, having another kid. Sure, it sucks. But you can't change it. And I'm sure you know that, please just let that part go. Focus on you and your son.

dear dear peachy,
I do know how hard it is to let go of your life as it was. It is like the rug has been pulled out from under your life and with no input from you you have to start over from square one. This is hard to do considerely that you had time, hopes and dreams invested on track number 1 and the train jumps the track and now you have to re-orient on track number 1. It is so not fair but you have and continue to handle it like a trooper.
As for the email thing, just a work of warning, I speak from experience... I found out that my ex was still sending out those little joke, etc to his very own monkeyho ... I learned about BCC .. Blind Carbon Copy ... he probably is still in contact with her he just doesn't want new monkeyho to catch wind of it ... he can send her a BCC and no one on that list is the wiser. Don't trust what you see ... it ain't the whole truth.
Just a note from personnal experience.

Hey Peachy!

Been a while since I posted to you but, as always, I have been following your threads. I agree with the others, the best possible thing you can do is minimize contact to the maximum extent possible. How? First, set one method in your mind for how you want to have contact with him (okay, okay I know you don't WANT to have contact...you know what I mean! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ) Then, block all other methods he has for contacting you. For example, if you decide you will only speak with him by phone, then block his e-mails and IM's. Quite frankly, I think e-mail is your safest bet because you have record of everything both you and he say to each other. If you choose to go the e-mail route, your caller id (which I surmise you have based upon previous messages) will tell you when he is calling and have DS answer the phone. Tell DS that if Jethro asks to speak to you, DS should tell him to send whatever he has to say via e-mail.

One of your big challenges will be how to deal with him at DS' events such as soccer, school programs, etc. When he approaches you (because we know he will), look him straight in the eye and speak to him first. Your words should be a very curt: "I choose not to communicate with you in any manner other than e-mail and only about our son. LEAVE ME ALONE." Then, walk away. If he follows you ignore him, play like he isn't there.

The more you engage with him the more he feeds off of it and goes after you. If you stay nice and calm, limit your interaction with him by only responding to factual information about DS, and keep repeating the "I choose not to communicate with you in any manner other than e-mail and only about our son. LEAVE ME ALONE." It will drive him absolutely crazy and, since you will no longer make yourself available to be the target of his ire, he will vent it elsewhere - perhaps on FV.

Hugs,

Brit's Brat

PS- You know, with each child our womanly bodies change a bit...since this will be her second, maybe FV's figure will blimp out - the lets see her be a MAXXIM girl!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Yep, we're NOT attacking you, JustPeachy. You're a friend and a fellow MBer just like the rest of us. I was only offering a suggestion (albeit humble one at that) to remove him from your IM -- it's like, why let him continue to INTRUDE into your life like that? He's already screwed it enuff, and this is only another crack he's been allowed to throw CRAP at you.
Block his sorry butt! He's not worth having as a 'Buddy' on your IM anyway - I'm sure there are lots of MBers who are better buddies anyday!
Nice to hear from you again, NinaToo! Long time no hear from ya!
Harold

Thanks everybody. And I know a good loving, whack with a MB 2 x 4 when I see it..You guys love and are supportive and I understand that.

Hey Mad Maxx aka Harold...Maybe you could post two song lyrics for us... One is the ULTIMATE WS SONG. "Lying from You" by Linkin Park. Other is how we feel after all is said and done "Don't Stay" by Linkin also. In fact the whole cd is probably best thing we could have in lieu of good therapy (lol) next to prayer.

Well, I've just gotten the cherry on top of the sundae sent to me by JEthro. He wants me to get this one...go to work with him again. I am in shock and almost needed defibrillation...This is all about control and now she's preggo and he's locked into this with her as she's trapped him, he's trying to grasp any microscopic bit of control with regard to me and with regard to my life. I am gonna print his email here. I did not respond to it. Too dad gum wierd and will just download it and send off to attorneys.

Gimme your thoughts and intuition regarding what it means really...I think he's trying to say that 1)he makes alot of money and that he's been lying and 2)I told him that I had ability to "get a real job unlike FV who can only answer phones and stuff envelopes like she does) and 3)keep tabs on me.

Pray that I hear back from the job stuff today as businesses like to wrap up stuff at end of week.

Pray like mad. Pray for us as tomorrow is the soccer showdown and end of year thing. The ENABLING AND ADULTEROUS OUTLAWS WILL BE IN ATTENDANCE AS WELL AS MS. FAMILY VALUES AND BUN IN OVEN AND JETHRO OF COURSE. I am praying and praying and need some huge and strong prayer warriors to get me through tomorrow as unscathed as possible. Oh, here goes the bizarre email of this morning:

From Jethro:
Dear Peachy,
You could be working part time and earning over 200k per year. Most of your time could be spent right at your home on the computer. With all your contacts and expertise in the medical field, you should put your personal feelings aside and make a good business decision that affects your future. Don't forget about the difference you could be making in peoples lives. This is something that you would feel rewarded doing and good at. Selling education, not insurance, not anything. Simply put the word and brochures out and we do all the rest. The insurance industry is still keeping this a secret and only the policy holders are suffering. Please take a close look at the brochure and open your mind to the possibilities.
Have a good night and your welcome to call at any time if you want to talk to son. I will under no circumstance make you feel uncomfortable on Saturday. Your wrong about Family Values and one day you will see it. I know that this is hard for you and I will try to be a little more considerate in the future. It is hard for me to keep calm when your constantly throwing your personal comments and feeling in my face. If I want your opinion on something then I will ask for it. If not then keep it to your self and I will then be able to show you the respect that your wanting. It's that simple.
Thanks,
Jethro

Please consider what I have proposed with an open mind.

__________________________

Ok ok. Yea, he will make me feel uncomfortable on saturday as that's what NPD controllers do. HE vascillates between being "nice" and very hateful to me. And the part about FV is sooooo classic. And one day guess he will see how he lost everything to his impulses and urges and lack of faith. HE's so NPD that it is unbelievable...I know he's just trying to control me as I used to be his no. 1 source of narcissistic supply and am no more. Somebody somewhere is NOT giving that supply and he is trying to get that back ..But I see it for what it is now. He doesn't want to change and very likely couldn't change unless he sought some very intensive psych help and continous therapy. But what he is doing is trying to get me back in the role of being controlled and manipulated by him..How? By him paying me money, by him wanting to be in a position of authority over me, and by him as in that authority position to have constant contact and face to face contact with me. And if I did that, which I WILL NOT DO IN ANY WAY WHATSOEVER, I'd be handing him that control on a silver platter along with my head on it and what's left of my sanity. Personally, I'd rather live meagerly and honestly and stick it to him this way.

Peachy - just go and smile - don't let them make or see you sweat --- Dont worry about your inlaws - ex or other woman - just enjoy the day - and breathe - breathe - !!! It sounds like he is throwing up the white flag - so the next outburst from you or comment he can say - "look I told you I would be civil but forget it" - so don't take the bait - just smile and enjoy - good luck... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

ICK!

As Forest Gump says, "Aggggaaaaaiiiiinnnnnn!"

Here's the plan. Keep away from HIM, Pregnant Ho HER and FV HER, and look GOOD. Get someone's brother to be there in your group, showing you LOTS of attention, and laugh a lot and look like you are having a great time. NPD people HATE it when you move on. Walk away if he tries to talk to you. Rude? Sure, but the people at the soccer have seen him, and heard what he has said to you. And he would be a very stupid NPD person to let out at you with people around. Come to think of it....he is pretty dumb sending those emails....all proof of what a doofus he can be. Show him you have moved on and do NOT answer that stupid email.

Did you read our suggestions Faux <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> here? Block him from all computer communication and allow contact only through the phone, and then have your son answer it. It is the ONLY way. He is just SICK, and you need to SOOOOOOOOOO not hear his drivel. You are divorced, he is not part of your life and he cannot tell you what to do, period. You do not have to TELL him that, you just have to show him, by way of strict, and I mean STRICT, barriers put up by YOU.

You are enabling him Peachy, and he will continue to hurt you until you stop it.

With an official kick with the size 9 MB BOOT <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> , and

Love and light,

Jacky

Peachy, based on what you mentioned a long time ago, I had a feeling J was in the insurance field. I even had pictured him involved in viatical settlements (and ifyou know what these are - than he is in them).

Stay strong. He knows how smart you are, he just wants to control you to keep you down.

MAke a new life for yourself and son.

I'll be passing through ATL on 11/11, but only with a short layover. Want to meet at the airport?

peachy,
it's a known fact that this man is only out for himself. His email sounds like the smooth talk of a con/salesman that he is. He would never want to do anything purely for your or your son's benefit. The only thing this man does if for HIMSELF> Don't get sucked in. That email makes my skin crawl.

peachy, this man is not going to cooperate in your desire for no contact. Once again he has contacted you and given you more material that upsets you.

When I think of a boundary, I start with a visualize image of a garden gate where someone can knock. A person who honors boundaries will stay outside if an invitation is not forthcoming. A person who violates boundaries will barge right in. When I think of a boundary that might work on jethro, I think of trenches, barbed wire, constatina wire, machine gun turrets and helicoptors flying overhead. He's not going to honor no contact just because you ask for it. It then becomes your responsibility to devise a plan that is effective in keeping him out.

I wonder if there might be a trusted friend who could filter his correspondence for you? I understand that things regarding your son are legit. Those items need to reach you. There must be a way of protecting yourself from everything else. It won't be easy to stand down from the pattern in place at this time. He is succeeding in keeping you off balance because the road that reaches you is still open. My suggestion is to consider a 'road closed' sign and for you to stop reading his emails. It might be as realistic as trying to keep spam out of our inboxes, but putting in some filters can at least stem the flow. I pray that you can find someone to be your filter and that it will make more room for peace in your life.

peachy,
one more input on that email. I think he wants you to work for him because 1. You would be a great benefit to him with your skills, knowledge, and contacts, and 2. You are probably cute as the dickens and that's good for trying to get somebody (ie .. customers to jump on the band wagon and buy or whatever he needs to convince people of. and 3. He is a control freak end of story.
So, why don't you tell him. Jethro, thanks for the vote of confidence with the job offer. I know I could be a great benefit and assest to any business especially yours but we are through you've seen to that and in more ways than one I'm moving on. Besides, I wouldn't feel confortable and I doubt that my future husband(because we all know you will have one) would like it and I'd just have to end up quiting then so thanks but no thanks. One up him Peachy!!!

I have since last posting found out today she's much further along than I thought..

That 1)they've been ENGAGED SINCE JUNE...We did not sign divorce papers until after July. End of July at that and they kept it secret from everybody except his family.
2)he threatened me again when I responded with no, and that FV will be around my son more than I will.

I am crushed. I am not going to have anything to do with him ever again. He has made me sick for the last time.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by justpeachy:
<strong> Thanks everybody.
From Jethro:
Dear Peachy,
You could be working part time and earning over 200k per year. *YEAH RIGHT. IF I CAN MAKE SO MUCH DARNED MONEY, HOW COME YOU'RE ALWAYS WHINING YOU'RE BROKE AND CAN'T PAY ME? CAN I RAISE MY BOOTS NOW, THE [censored]'S GETTING PRETTY DEEP NOW*
Most of your time could be spent right at your home on the computer. With all your contacts and expertise in the medical field, you should put your personal feelings aside and make a good business decision that affects your future. *OH, I'M SORRY JETHRO. I JUST NEED A LITTLE MORE TIME TO RECOVER FROM THE HELL OF THE PAST 2 YEARS YOU PUT ME THRU: CHEATING ON ME WITH NUMEROUS CRACK-HO'S AND TRYING TO BE MR. ROCK & ROLL SHAG-TASTIC MORON. THEN LYING UNDER OATH AND PRETENDING IT ALL DIDN'T HAPPEN AND THEN AFTER STOMPING ON MY HEART AND THAT OF OUR CHILD, YOU JUST EXPECT ME TO PRETEND IT NEVER HAPPENED? NOT!* Don't forget about the difference you could be making in peoples lives. *I'M DOING THAT VERY WELL SOMEWHERE ELSE WITHOUT YOU NOW, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. AND SINCE WHEN DID YOU SUDDENLY BECOME CONCERNED ABOUT MAKING A DIFFERENCE IN PEOPLE'S LIVES? THE ONLY DIFFERENCE YOU HAVE SHOWN ANY INTEREST IN MAKING IS TO STOMP ON THE HEARTS AND FEELINGS OF THOSE WHO LOVE YOU.* This is something that you would feel rewarded doing and good at. Selling education, not insurance, not anything. Simply put the word and brochures out and we do all the rest. *I'M NOT THAT STOOPIT TO BEND OVER AND LET YOU SCREW ME AGAIN, THANK YOU!* The insurance industry is still keeping this a secret and only the policy holders are suffering. *I BET IT IS A SECRET - JUST LIKE THAT OFFSHORE BANK ACCOUNT YOU HAVE AND ARE HIDING ALL THAT MONEY IN THAT RIGHTFULLY BELONGS TO US AS A FORMER COUPLE AND OUR SON, IN CASE YOU HAVE FORGOTTEN YOU HAD ONE IN THE FIRST PLACE.* Please take a close look at the brochure and open your mind to the possibilities. *THE ONLY POSSIBLITY I AM INTERESTED IN IS ONE WITHOUT YOU IN IT.*
Have a good night and your welcome to call at any time if you want to talk to son. I will under no circumstance make you feel uncomfortable on Saturday. *EXCUSE ME, I NEED TO RAISE MY BOOTS AGAIN. I MIGHT DROWND IF I DON'T.* Your wrong about Family Values and one day you will see it. *HA! THE ONLY THING I'M WRONG ABOUT IS HOW FAST YOU'RE GOING TO KICK HER OUT AND DUMP ALL OVER HER TOO LIKE YOU DID ME.* I know that this is hard for you and I will try to be a little more considerate in the future. *LORD HELP ME, I NEED AN BOAT TO KEEP MY HEAD ABOVE THE LAKE OF CRAP YOU'RE SPOUTING HERE.* It is hard for me to keep calm when your constantly throwing your personal comments and feeling in my face. *THROWING MY PERSONAL COMMENTS IN YOUR FACE? ARE YOU FOR REAL? IF I AM THROWING MY COMMENTS IN YOUR FACE, AS YOU PUT IT, THEN PLEASE REMOVE ALL THE CRAP YOU C-R-A-M-M-E-D DOWN MY THROAT FOR THE PAST 2 YEARS!* If I want your opinion on something then I will ask for it. *I WISH YOU WOULD REMEMBER THAT FOR YOURSELF - I GET SO TIRED OF YOU CRAMMING YOUR OPINIONS AND SHOUTING JUNK, FALSE ACCUSATIONS, AND OTHER BULL-[censored] AT ME WHENEVER SOMETHING IS NOT GOING YOUR WAY AND YOU HAVE TO PAY A TINY SOMETHING FOR THE MONSTROUS ACTIONS YOU HAVE DONE FOR THE PAST 2 YEARS AND CONTINUE TO DO, NOT TO MENTION YOU ARE NOT KEEPING YOUR PART OF OUR AGREEMENT.* If not then keep it to your self and I will then be able to show you the respect that your wanting. *RESPECT FROM YOU IS TANTAMOUNT TO HITLER LOVING THE JEWISH NATIONS. IT'S JUST A FANTASY.* It's that simple. *REALLY? I DON'T THINK SO - AT LEAST IT ISN'T FOR YOU, AS YOU APPARENTLY DON'T KNOW WHAT RESPECT IS. YOU CERTAINLY HAVE NOT SHOWN EITHER OUR SON OR ME ANY, AND NEITHER OF US HAVE EVER DONE ANYTHING BUT LOVE YOU AND TRY TO WORK THIS OUT.*
Thanks,
Jethro

Please consider what I have proposed with an open mind.

__________________________
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hmmmmmmmmmm. I think he is taking the HITLERIAN View on this: "If I lie with really big whoppers, it's easier to believe than a few tiny white lies."
Tell him not no, but HELL no!
As if you haven't had enuff misery from him already, JustPeachy.
JMHO, Harold

Soccer Showdown.

I made it clear that I want no more contact except for reasonable (and extremely short and limited) communications about parenting only and preferably via email with Jethro from now on. I also made it very clear that I was not to be bothered nor approached by FV, his preggo ho or by him during game and that I was only there for supporting my boy.

Earlier in the week, I had decided to bring a friend with me...mind you, just a friend. But he's cool and also a BS and a soccer coach. Definitely a strong personality and somebody Jehtro wouldn't push around to ensure the peace and to help me feel like today wouldn't be open season emotionally on peachy.

So Nick meets me at soccer field and brings me a cup of coffee. We walk onto the field and one of the parents recognizes him as a soccer coach from a league, very competitive one, in Roswell. All the parents knew what I had done as the eyes began rolling in the direction of Jethro as soon as I walked onto the field heralding that FV and the outlaws were there...

For those new to the divorce game, and to MB, remember that blood is usually much thicker than water. I knew my inlaws (I call them the outlaws) for 10 years and had a good relationship with them. At one time, but not since they chose to be faithful to their adulterous and abusive lawbreaking son whom signs their paychecks.

I stand there and by God's grace keep a pleasant look on my face and my composure as I see the outlaws standing beside the ho that's carrying my xH's baby. She's not that far along but wore a jacket to cover up. I did not flinch and basically pretended that they were not there. And lo and behold! Across the field was Jethro clicking away with his expensive camera and acting as the sideline coach again putting on the pretense of being a good and responsible father and man. Kept my gaze away as I don't want anything else to do with him.

At first break, son is still on the field and says in not that quiet a voice but thought that everybody around couldn't hear (they sure could)..."Mommy...Don't look over there...SHE'S HERE...Once again this has happened and he points to her while standing on the field like she's some freak or a dirty word. I say "Don't point baby and it's ok...I am here for you." Son then comes over and says "I want to go home with you mommy." I tell him that I will see him in a few days and to enjoy visiting his grandparents.

Son today plays worst game ever. He just wasn't into it as he had alot of distractions...He kept looking over at them and had a wierd look on his face but when he'd look at me he'd give me the thumbs up like "I am going to do great and I know you are here for me." But he only scored one goal and althought still proud, it was clear that the presence of FV and her illegitimate child along with seeing his grandparents standing beside her made an impact on him...a negative one.

Then my father outlaw walked over to me and to Nick and started making small talk. Stuff like "won't you give me a hug? You look so good. and "isn't he doing great?" I smile nicely and agree with everything. Then the whole knife in the back thing is felt by me and I do this in a kind voice yet never change my pleasant expression. I say..."you know this is absolutely disgraceful. Your enabling of this situation and what is going on. I don't have anything else to say. He then got a wierd look on his face and then he started to change the subject and we talked briefly about soccer. I say that I would like to just kinda watch the game now and that he could rejoin his son's preggo live in on the sidelines once more.

After the game, they are handing out trophies and a commemorative soccer ball. Jethro this time walks closer and asks to take a picture of me and my son. I say quietly to leave me alone and no pictures please. He does it anyway. I don't look at his camera as I am not having anything to do with him. Then the mother outlaw comes up to me and says "weren't you even going to give me a hug?" I say "looks like you were doing fine over there in the corner with the live in." She then says that "we didn't want any of this to happen." I say, you sure look just fine to me. And then that "I told Larry that I am absolutely sick to see how you two have enabled this whole sordid affair and that they need not worry however...that they don't as grandparents have to worry about my son seeing me shack up with men and have guys sleeping with me under the roof while my child is here. That they can rest assured. She said that my "son seems to be doing fine." I say that I am sick of them enabling everything and that that's it. She says "people have to ENABLE THEMSELVES TO DO THE RIGHT THING." I almost laughed at her. I said that standing up for what is good and moral is what's expected. That their passivity and toleration and today, encouragement is enough for me." She then says something about "you look good and we have missed you" and I say that I have to go shortly after the game as I was going with friends to hike Kennesaw mountain. I make my break and go to the sidelines with my son to hug him and to talk with the other soccer moms and dads and give them end of season hugs.

Suddenly across the field comes Jethro striding up to Nick. He stretches out his hand and with a fake smile says "Hi I am Jethro." Nick says he's nick. Then the outlaws come up to nick and do the same. I see FV starting to walk over towards my direction and I say that I have to leave. Nick says we are going to breakfast and that I have plans and need to go. I walk out ahead of everybody calmly yet resolutely. I do not look back. My son is standing ironically by my buddy and is talking to him. Jethro sees that my son knows him (kids play together along with some other soccer kids) and they try to start talking with nick again. Nick doesn't say much and says he has to go as well. Jethro asks him how he knows me and he says..."that's awful personal there." I would not and will never enable anything.

So in the end, I remained a lady and never raised my voice. I would not accept the outlaws spending half of the game with the mistress and the other half of the game with me, the mother and former 10 year daughter in law and woman whom got slapped in the face by OW/Son's adultery. I kept my cool compeletely yet told them what they did not want to hear.

I get to the truck and nick says "you did good. they were trying to get to you and it's a good idea that I came along or they'd have pushed themselves onto you even more." I agree. He said that for once, Jethro has to see what it's like to see some other guy talking with his son and seeing his son like them. Unlike FV whom son is embarassed of, at age five.

We went to breakfast and he told me how his xw's new sister in law came with her and that the sister in law of the man who was sleeping with nick's wife tried to come up to nick and be all friendly and foggy. Nick thinks that it's amazing that these people want the whole world to sweep the affair thing under the rug and if we, the BS only pretend along with them then the whole world is just fine. And nick also said that to remember anything I do whether it's blink, or swallow, or breathe or express my disgust for the public betrayal today will cause them to label me as bitter. He said I was not but to just expect it anyway.

Yea, it really hurt seeing the outlaws and their standing near her. And then when I guess they realized that they were being offensive to me, they come and stand by me, I didn't like it and didn't want it. I had very little to say to them. Funny, but I don't have anything to ever say to them again after today. I think they understood what they did and how wrong it was, but they are bought with a price paid by their employer, jethro.

Now I don't have to see them anymore for a very long while. The last time I saw them was right before my son's birthday party when they came to my door and walked in and said "we sure wish you'd come to the party jethro's giving (FV was there too)"..And I said to them.."well, that would be a possibility but as you know jethro is on probation for breaking into my home and the county has a restraining order against him so he is not to be around me whatsoever."

I didn't sleep much last night. I knew it was a lie when he emailed me and promised that nobody would bother me at the game...He can do nothing but lie. So I kept true to my instincts and brought backup. And it worked.

The WS' like to really force things upon us to legitimize their affairs into something decent or acceptable. I choose not to ever be ugly, or loud, or show any outward actions of disgust and keep my cool. And I have learned to express myself and my beliefs and convictions without sounding hateful or cruel. Think the key is to detach and not enable them. When we enable their choices to destroy a family because they are listeining to their crotch not their brain or soul, they win. I have a duty to raise my son differently than jethro does and trust me, ourkids need to see at least one parent who is good , just, honest, and moral.

justpeachy --

I haven't posted to you before, but I've been reading your story.

You handled this so well and beautifully-- I'm happy and proud of you! Good foresight in bringing Nick along!
It will be interesting to see how that plays with Jethro in the days and weeks ahead.

If he has been so interested in controlling you -- he may just go a little nuts with this new development. Nick sounds like a good strong guy -- and a good friend.

praying for you!

way2

Peachy:

First of all, I want to say that I am truly sorry for your heartache.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> )..."Mommy...Don't look over there...SHE'S HERE...Once again this has happened and he points to her while standing on the field like she's some freak or a dirty word. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That statement speaks volumes to me. He really does not need to know that you detest her this much. It is sweet that he is trying to take care of you, but please try to keep him out of this mess. Awful big burden on a little fellar.

One more question, in 20 years say your son does this same thing. Are you going to abandon him? Note I did not say "disapprove" of the action(and you really don't know how much his parents have disapproved of Jethro's actions as that is between them). But it sounds like to me, that you are asking Jethro's parents to "choose you" and abandon their son. It ain't gonna happen, and I would bet (if I were a betting person) anything that you would not abandon your son.

Please let go and move on for your sake and that of your son.

Best wishes for a remarkable recovery from this.