becontent --

At some point a parent needs to stand up and stop enabling behavior. When my x wanted his mother to stand by him against me and my new life she said "You're kids are better off with way2 and her new husband than living with your violence."

It spoke volumes and I never had problems with her ever seening of visiting with the kids.

I haven't recently approved of my daughters lifestyle with "baldboy" -- so I stayed out of it ... I sent her a subscription to "Guideposts" as a protest ... but stayed out ...

I'll be there in an emergency and if she really needs me ... but I'm not going to give tacit approval by having "normal -- just act like there's nothing wrong" relations"

I haven't abandoned her .. just not supporting her lifestyle and her choice.

It's Tough Love -- and sometimes it needs to be used for an wayward child (no matter how old that child is) and even WS.

way2

Hey guys..Doin better but really sore after the hike.

Really down today but did go to women's bible study @ church and then to lunch with some friends.

It was raining cats and dogs, still is in fact and just a blustery day (winnie the pooh says this in his books my son loves)

I understand that his parents aren't gonna change their path...Heck, he's the one who signs their paychecks. Plus, if you have followed the posts for the last year or so, his dad had several affairs on his mother so they both are enablers of this kind of behavior...probably extremely passive in it yet on saturday they sure were in my face about it...and still lying and trying to pretend they were "there for me". But I know and can smell a rat when I see it.

And if my little guy does this, even if he's forty years old, as my grandmother says "I will bend you over my checked apron and give you the business--you'll never be too old for that.." I won't enable truly negative choices that could ruin a family or hurt my own granchild ever.

Thankfully, no word from Jethro as I think my actions or lack thereof and maybe the last time I looked at him when he tried to take the photo of my son and I was more than enough. I think he gets it now.

And I don't really care what he thinks about my buddy. And no, nothing would ever come from my friendship w/Nick as we are just that and nothing more...with a heart that's been trampeled on so much, it's gonna be a while I think...

But I sure hope for once although one can never tell what goes through the minds of the foggy, that Jethro was able to feel a bit of what it's like to walk in my shoes. And I don't, unlike most would think, say anything about FV in front of son. In fact, I don't mention him to her at all. She's nothing to me or to son really. She's just the woman that sleeps with his dad. She may be the woman who gives birth to my son's half brother, but she's not my son's mother and that's that. I just do and say nothing with regard to her. My son, however, at age five, has a firm knowledge and grip of right and wrong and he knows that her presence is wrong. That what she's doing with his daddy is wrong.

Pray for our recovery and fresh new start and about the job thing as I want and desperately need for resolution to come this week in regard to that.

Jethro: "Like Father, like Son..."
Kinda explains it, doesn't it? He sees his parents being STOOPIT, so he does it too..
MONKEY see, MONKEY do.
I'm sorry you had to go thru what you did, JustPeachy, and your son too. At least, YOU have the morals to bring him up right.
Keep on keepin' on!
HlT

Doin' good on a bleary monday here in the ATL. Colder and rainy kinda.

Got final interview with company tomorrow for clinical position and will decide before end of week on job. Hoping that the job with hospital corp comes through as it may be the best although two to three grand a year less...but comes with good tax breaks that in the long run could equal out or come close to the other salary. Plus less stress, and more flexibility with regard to my schedule which trickles down to my having more quality time with my son (biggest gain).

Here's a hoot. Got an "inspirational" chain email from jethro today. And once again, there is along with my email addy, FV's as well. I of course do not respond and am sickened by it. Nuff of him. Went to church yesterday and read up in my "read the bible in a year" book. Actually read five days' worth to start catching up (thanks John!).

Still incredibly sore and feel like poopy. My whole entire body aches. Oh well.

and then today I get this book...Sent from CA by my great aunt (one who may be moving to ATL next year) and it's entitled..."How to Find a Husband after 35". I am not yet 35, but she figures according to the note in the package that I shall be when I finally decide to start dating again...

So now my relatives are pushing me and I am not at all ready. I am still licking my wounds and dealing with the poop from jethro knocking up and shacking up with FV, the incredible, unwed, buttfloss adulterer model and serial outta wedlock mom.

But some things have dawned on me. What have I been scared of? 1)growing old alone 2)not having more kids or not having more time with my son as he's #1 3)being celibate forever 4)financially struggling for next few years when I should be living it up like Jethro has done...5)that I will never feel anything again for another man and 6)that I will continue to wish I were living back home in TN vs ATL and 7)that jethro and FV and the outlaws will somehow by virtue of an unholy union pretending to be a good family take me to court and try to get my son from me...he is all about that.

But I know and am getting real about a few things. For starters, without his ever getting mental help, I know for a fact FV will and is already emotionally and probably physically abused by him (hence her desperate call two months ago). That he will slowly alienate her and treat her like a slave in a while. That the trinkets and the toys will come less and less while she becomes totally dependent on him. And that's not a way to live. I miss the "dream" of a family. It was never that great after jethro got to making alot of money anyway. He slowly siphoned the life outta me and my poor thinking has come from basically the aftermath of separating yourself from somebody who's NPD. I read a website called "malignant self love" and there was an article about leaving the NPD and victims of NPD. I fit the bill perfectly.

Sure, they are suave, they are slick. Life's more exciting because hey, it's a rollercoaster. But after riding it for almost ten years now, I want off forever. So I am off.

Just trying to start some new thinking to combat all this poop. It's time to start reclaiming life somehow. I pray that for all who end up here in the d/d forum.

And Maxx, if you can, PLEASE PRINT THE LYRICS TO THE ULTIMATE WS SONG IN THE WORLD..."Lying from You" by Linkin Park. I think everybody here needs to hear this song and its lyrics because nothing I've ever heard totally describes how the WS think. This song I listened to yesterday and it made so much sense.

I want to heal so badly now. I want to be stronger and so self confident and not just be putting on the act of doing so when forced with horrible and difficult public scenes like the soccer game. I want my inside to match my cool outside now. That's the struggle.

After thinking some more, it is clear to me that the outlaws are not lovin' life as they've grown so much more in diameter...(something jethro is embarassed of and hates) and that even jethro isn't happy either as what playboy would be happy when his one chance to grab freedom and pretend life is one dating sushi bar where you can order a different roll as often as you want is thwarted by a golddigger who gets preggo even before the divorce papers are signed? That's baaaaaad news for a proven serial cheater and playboy. And the struggles are gonna come even more fast and furious then they did when I was in the picture. Poor FV. But then again, this golddiggers' earned this one.

Kinda like when the european chicks on "Joe Millionaire" find out that he doesn't have the money and isn't the guy they think he is. Laughs on the euro trash golddiggers!

peachy,
things are moving fast in your life right now what with the pregnacy and all. I'm so sorry for that news. But if you get a chance could you clarify for me ... I've been trying to follow. When you and Jetro were still living as a married couple he had an affair with "monkeyho" and that is when you split up? Is that right? Then FV is not monkeyho? or is she? when did FV come into the scene? How long had you been apart when she showed up?
If you get the chance, it would be good clarification. Meanwhile, I'm praying for the job thing to go very well for you.
Keep the faith.

"He who angers you, controls you."

Food for thought.

With my ex having a weeknight every week, and every other weekend, I see him 2-3 times more often a week than I'd like to. And things tend to only be smooth sailing for a limited amount of time.

Block his IM. Block his email. If he calls, son answers. If he tells son to give the phone to you, you hang it up. He can spend $.37 on a stamp and put whatever he has to tell you in writing. Period, new paragraph.

Peachy,
I am sorry that you are still being hurt by your XH. He definitely knows how to push your buttons. Why do you let him? Over and over people tell you not to talk to him. He will continue to hurt you as long as you allow him to. Have to question you on the XIL's, from what you recanted, they sound like they were trying to be nice to you while still showing their son that they love him. You might want to cut them some slack. Just a thought. They are in the middle here and lose whichever way they go. I'm sure your XH's latest squeeze didn't like it much when they came over and made nice to you.

This latest woman wasn't in the picture until way after you and you XH separated was she? At least that is what I recall you posting. She isn't the woman that helped breakup your marriage. Why are you so jealous of her anyway? You put her down at every turn when she isn't really an OW. I can see no reason to make friends with her, but really, what did she ever do to you? You make yourself look cheap and small everytime you call her filthy names JMHO. If this was Monkyho, I could understand it.

Best of luck to you and your precious son.

Feminine side,

You haven't read Peachy's posts as carefully as you think. There have been many times she has had to take crap from FV, so please don't judge Peachy so harshly. Some new partners of our X's can and do play stupid and subtle games with the BS you know, because they feel threatened about the past and any residual ties that may linger between X and wife/husband. Peachy has been subject to that.

Way to go on the soccer game and outlaws Peachy!

Love and light,

jacky

Hey peachy, at least your's is living with a woman!

Hi Peachy,
sorry your still dragging that stone around..
you do need to let go of him forever..he isn't yours now, and your not his..

BUT..you do need to realize the marriage is dead now..and he is a corpse..a dead horse..and you need to leave it...bury it..and grieve..the process next is grieving, there is nothing left, no relationship..except his responsibility to your son and that all can go through courts..

Sweetie don't frustrate yourself..and don't belittle yourself and lower your self to their level..no name calling..

what does God want..HE wants us to pray for our enemies..He wants us to bless those who persecute us..
He also says we need to think on what soever things are lovely, and a good report..and praise worthy...do that for now..

Please make sure your X, is that and stays the distance he had when you had the court order..
you can always re-enact it.

as far as the girl..your X's fiance' (there I said it..blah...) well you and her will probably have to communicate if son is ill or something.

I felt bad for your son...at the game it was his day..and a Picture of him with his mom smiling would of been a great thing to blow up for his bedroom to remind him of mom standing next to him being proud..after all..to him it was all about him that day..not about the fiance' as I am sure he saw it in his childs mind..

but the picture time..was a nice gesture of X's for son...in a way..it would of been a great pic for your dresser also..because you looked great..and your son was in his glory..

anyway..love ya and think your doing great only thing I see is she is getting to you..and she is in the background fearful as all get out..like a caged animal..

as far as he goes..money is not everything..look at people in calif..you can loose it all over night as you have found out..

God will not reward him, there is a curse from God on husbands who divorce their spouse..so don't worry..Let God do the revenge..
for God says..I shall repay..Vengenge belongs to God..HE will do it better then we can...

just pray for them and don't be blessing them and cursing them with the same mouth, it don't seem right..

I picture you as a sweet lil southern, lady, and
when I see you saying some things sometimes..my heart hurts for you..I do know the pain been there et all..lost alot..including him..being dead now..lost big time..but you know..what..
your son is yours till he takes a wife..

have you heard this my mother in law ues to say it..but the thing is..WE are suppose to grow up and away from parents..not hang on to apron strings..

a daughters a daughter the rest of her life..a son is a son till he takes a wife..

something like that..maybe that saying is what caused my husband to be like he was..cause he never felt like he belonged in his family..because the girls were so dotted on by mom..and dad..no time for the boys..except they helped do the heavy stuff..and expected to make an appearance at holiday functions only if convienient to mom..oh well..that is all over..everyone is gone now..

someday you will be old but heck peachy you are young yet and only just begun I am sure when you put God first, HE has the right person for you..so Keep on keeping on..

this was not a slam reply nor judgemental..just way I see things and feel God wants us to do..be kind one to another..

the bible also says..Submit yourself to God and the devil will flee from you...
so I am sure that God is in control..don't give a foothold to satan..

remember the song
Be carefull little eyes what you see?
Be carefull little ears what you hear
for the Father up above is looking down in love
be careful little eyes what you see..

Be carefull little feet where you go?
be carefull little hands what you do?
for the Father up above is looking down in love
be careful little hands what you do!

teach it to your son..so he can sing it..maybe hum it to yourself remember we are ALL HIS CHILDREN...and we are to be as children..oh Gosh..
Peachy..I know how much your gonna hurt for awhile but once you get through it you will be stronger..Grow in the wisdom and knowledge of GOD..God bless you and pray God will give you a job that will meet your needs..and HE will provide for you..Take Care..
Jesus Love you... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

To Fem. Side:

He's been living with her for a year and half and she overlaps with his other OW...Yea, they both helped and were conscious they were sleeping with a married man. Guess I just bowed out. So save it. She's been sleeping around in front of my son and is a poor moral example in her own life being a practically naked model and having a child outta wedlock and shacking up with several men during this time.

So please do not say I am jealous of this thing. She's not worth it. I am upset at what my son saw and is still seeing and being forced to endure.

And the picture thing when his father came up to me and tried to take a photo was not at all in a decent spirit. He was told to stay away from me and he does not respect any boundary. I informed my attorneys yesterday of more he has done as he emailed me threats yesterday and one was of bodily harm. He has physically and mentally abused me as it's well documented.

I don't think this is up for debate TFS. So save your comments about me looking cheap for the ones who do really look cheap and are. I've spent last 2 years standing up for my boy and trying to do what's best for him. There isn't a lot I can do until I go back to court and until I save up enough money to go back to court.

And when my son comes back today from visitation, he comes back to a loving and stable home. Where he doesn't feel like a second class citizen and where he knows he is safe and loved and doesn't see things that are immoral or indecent or abusive (jethro has abused FV also and it's documented via her phone call to me). I stand tall for him and pretty much do everything for my son.

My faith has kept me going and that's that. I'd actually prefer you not post to me anymore TFS, as I find your words disrespectful and don't think this is the first time you've done this. One thing I do is try to be supportive and if I don't agree, in a loving way and not attack anybody here as we are here because we NEED support during some of the toughest moments of our lives.

Oh might I add, they "acknowledge" their involvement for a year and a half but I know she has existed during my marriage and when we were together ok? So don't think she's some innocent.

{{{{{justpeachy}}}}}

Good morning. Just wanted to say I hope your son enjoyed soccer and I think it was great of you to not only sign him up for this experience but also for being there for him and watching every game.

Take care and good luck with that job search.

HoFS

Hi Peachy! Sorry I took so long to get the lyrics you asked for..
here they are:
Lying From You - Linkin Park
When I pretend
everything is what i want it to be
i look exactly like what you had always wanted to see
when i pretend
i can forget about the crimnal i am
stealing second after second just cause i know i can.. but
i can't pretend this is the way it will stay
i'm just trying to bend the truth
i can't pretend i'm who you want me to be
so i'm
Lying My Way From You...
----------------------------
Man! After reading these lyrics, I see exactly what you're saying about this being the WS's theme song. I feel for you, JP. I do hope you continue moving ahead with your son and that you WILL find a new and better life w/o OBJ in it - with 'friends' like him you sure don't need any enemies!
This is no 'pat answer' (pat answers are BS) but I believe that in time... you WILL find love - from one who will truly care for you and your son and who will show you what love and marriage are really supposed to be.
I have been there in the dark days right after divorce, when my ex-wife and her fiancee were 'happy' and she had turned both my sons against me and none of our friends would have anything to do with me - I was 5,000 miles from home in a state (Alaska) all by myself. I had God, myself, and a book called 'Growing Thru Divorce' by Jim Smoke.
I made it. It took awhile but I made it. The Lord sent me a wonderful Christian lady who is EVERYTHING and I do mean everything my ex-wife wasn't.
It happened to me. It can happen to you and I believe in time, it will JP. Just keep hanging in there - you've come so far now! You can finish the course, and I honestly believe you will find you happiness, peace, and healing in time.
And do know that you have LOADS of fellow MBers here for you!
Keep that chin up, JP! You're in a good career field and someone like you WILL find that right job!
Here's lookin' at you, kid.
Harold

peachy, let it go. Ivana Trump summed it up best!
Living Well is the Best Revenge. Although we all understand your anger and rightly so!!! You have every reason in the world to be angry with what happened to your marriage ... let it go. Fight like h#** to make YOUR life without him. He is gone. He is not coming back and THAT is a good thing and you will realize that one day. It IS SAD and Hurtful but thus is life and you are young and you will have more hurts in your life if you are lucky enough to live a long one that is the only given!!! But you can have happiness too and only you and YOU alone can control that and make that happen. Let the worthless jerk go ... grieve ... have a closure ceremony, invite friends and family over and bury your dead marriage so you can get on with the business of living. I look forward to your happy post when you do.

one last thing peachy ... you have a lot of will in you and you are a very blessed girl with that. Use it hard and wise. Believe me I know how hard it is. My ex married his monkeyho too and he runs around on her like white on rice. But that is them and I am me. It did take me a few years to get totally me again but I did and you will too. You are going to make it too. You've got the "I'm going to make it goods"! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
And I promise you ... you will look back on this and them and only feel lucky that you got out and got on with your life. PS Good luck with the job stuff coming up.

how are you doing justpeachy?

I am concerned -- as I read you said that he sent you some threatening emails in the past three days?

Okay maybe I've transposed a post of two .. is this true. My xh was very controlling and very abusive (in one abuse sessions I was beaten and have a full bookcase pulled down on top of me all because I didn't want pizza) ... I am concerned that he will rachet up because you had temerity to show up to the game with another man .. his questions were probing.

Like I said before I think you should have and I applaud you ... but his mind might screw it up to look totally different.

When my xh remarried I almost sent his wife a condolense card <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> .. like I said ALMOST <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
There is violence in that relationship too, I've heard.

Thinking of you and your son
way2

Hi JP! Hope things are going better for you and son today. ReneeK had the right idea: 'Living Well Is The Best Revenge' and it's so true!
I sure hope you BLOCK him on your EMail and IM - there is nothing he could possibly want to say that would do you any good at all - just more BS, Fog, and trash-talk.
Block him out of your life, JP! Sure, you gotta talk to him once in awhile on phone or face to face, but you sure as shootin' do NOT have to put up with his CRAP online too!
Do it now.
Free yourself of him one small thing at a time.
You'll be better off when you go online not having to wonder - is he online and what JUNK is he going to send my way now.
You owe him NOTHING!
He owes you a debt he can never repay..
Best wishes for you, JP, and your dear son. May the Lord bless and comfort you both.
PS - You WILL find the right job for you and then after you begin raking in the Bux, you and son can look back at all this as dark days just after the divorce and know that things will get better for you.
I know. I've been there before, fighting overwhelming odds by myself against my ex-wife.
She lost. She is no longer in my life. She leaves me alone because I made her look like a [censored] every time we tangled and she, the judge, and everyone else knows it.
You will win - it just takes time. Moving on without him and showing yourself, your son, and him that you ARE making it without him is Step One and you are on your way!
Sincerely, Harold

Peachy,

I'm not sure I understand the reasoning behind NOT blocking his I/M. It's very easy to do - and makes you appear offline to that one individual, instead of going dark on everyone.

And I've seen MANY people over the past six months encourage you to block his e-mails AND his I/M access to you.

Is there a reason I'm not seeing that REQUIRES you to allow this perp to contact you in spite of a restraining order?

Just Peachy,
I've been reading your posts for the first time today as I've decided to move to the D/D board. I wish I had noticed you before.

I too am married to a NPD. I've had 20 years of torture and have contemplated writing a book entitled "I said 'I do' and got 20 years to life." Upon our 20th anniversary, I decided I've had enough.

WH was charming and wonderful during our courtship. I always had fresh flowers delivered when the former ones started looking wilted, jewelry and taken to the nicest places in town. After the 3rd day of our honeymoon in Hawaii, he refused to speak to me. He decided on the flight home (I too am a Tennessean) to begin speaking again. My father spend an absolute fortune on our wedding, I had quit my well paying job, and as a Christian knew I had to abide by my vow to God. I was trapped.

In the past 20 years I have been treated as if I were the dog poop that was stuck to the bottom of his shoe. We've had sex less than 30 times in all these years and only twice since daughter was born almost 18 years ago. Both in laws desperately wanted grandchildren and we were the only possiblity in both cases. My MIL was also NPD. The things she did were mind boggling. She never could understand why noone liked her or had anything to do with her. Fewer than 20 people came to her funeral. Most of them were waitresses at the restaurant where they ate every meal.

I discovered that WH had a drinking problem 5 years into our marriage. Then came the affair that occured shortly after his mother's death. The first affair was with his mother. She told me right after we were married, "You know sex is sin." She was a piece of work and fashioned herself to look like the nyphomanic character that Elizabeth Taylor played in Butterfield 8. I recently saw that movie for the first time and sat there with my mouth hanging open. They could have been twins.

His parents treated me as well as everyone else that touched their lives like garbage. His mother was so hated at her work, that they created a "job" for her to do and put her in a room by herself. Noone my husband works with likes him either nor them he. Typical NPD. Her home was filthy and her husband was a wimp of a man. Went into WWII as a private and after years, came out as a private.

Three years into our marriage I told my father that I had enough and was leaving. He told me to stay and make it work. I adored my father and complied. My mother now says that if he knew the truth, he would have helped me pack. (Father now deceased and the morning after he died, my husband called me every name in the book-he could have made sailors blush)

Shortly after MIL died husband began A with her duplicate. She didn't look like a nypho but acted like one. Male or female. That's been over for 2 years and the mention of her makes him sick. She stalks him/us to this day. She's as sick as he is. They deserve each other and it's my wish that he go to her and leave us alone.

I recently found an old phone record of my husbands in the garage. For curiousity, I looked up the numbers and found where he had called prostitutes. This record was before his mother died. That explained the no sex. I always thought he was gay.

I'm beaten down beyond what I can describe. To compensate for the torture I've endured I turned to food. I am now very overweight. At almost 50, it's very difficult to find good employment. I have B.S. in Business but my appearance doesn't match my qualifications. I'm taking a job beneath me to just get away. I was a stay at home mom and dearly love my daughter. She's wonderful despite her father.

I haven't spoken to him in two months. It's better that way. He's done his usual routine of being mean, being nice, destroying things in the house, crying, talking bad about me one day and then claiming I'm an angel the next. It' maddening and I want off the rollercoaster!

I know what you've endured and want to reassure you that one day soon you'll get to the point to where it doesn't matter whether he lives or dies. The opposite of love isn't hate-it's indifference. I've arrived there and it's much easier.