</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Now you've decided how Peachy should respond to terrorism in her life and her son's life - and you are going to serve that wisdom up to her in the same boundary-violating manner that her X dispenses it?

Allow God to take that burden off your shoulders. Trouble yourself no more with someone for whom you lack sufficient respect to honor a simple request.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Feminine Side and others, BIG clue - the method matters. Creating additional identities to "validate" your POV, is nothing new here. It's annoying, but clearly predictable to someone who is more than a tiny bit invested in their opinion being taken as "God's Truth".

There have been many tell Peachy that she needs to cut off contact. A few of those have been over-the-top in their accusations that Peachy has manipulated her son. Let's talk about five year old moral development for a minute, shall we, before we jump to such conclusions.

My son made a very CLEAR statement about sin when he was five years old. I was sent to a convention at the last minute by my employer. There was no time to get a sitter. My husband came with me to handle the driving. We had a serious money shortage at the time because I had been unemployed for three months before that. I had made arrangements for my husband and son to stay in a friend's hotel room during training sessions, so they played in the pool, etc. But the only access to food on the first day that we got there required us to walk past the slot machines and the people who were having "the good time" like Jethro and MFV like to have. We went hungry quite a bit on that trip because he could feel the difference between the atmosphere in the casinos and the Convention Hall where I was attending training. At one point, the little guy screamed at me, "Mom, don't make me go in there! It is killing my spirit!"

Mind you, we had not said anything about people who hang on each other while they're drunk. We had not said anything about profanity - except that he rarely hears it in his home. We had not said anything to him about gambling or immodest clothing (the posters that line the walls featuring tonight's entertainment), raucaus music, and the regular lifestyle of Vegas. No judgments. He'd just never been around it before. But he knew where God's Spirit WASN'T.

And so can Peachy's son tell that very same fact. The only thing Peachy does, if she accepts and embraces MFV is to confuse her son about what he already knows to be truth. That his daddy is living a lie. He knows it. Peachy didn't tell him that.

Five years old - they're fresh from God and they can TELL when they are around people who are not congruent with the moral code in his home. You have no idea what Peachy is or isn't saying to her son about his father and his current whatchacallit! They form their own opinions very very young, independent of their parents!

Five years old may be too young to bear the emotional burden of divorce, but who caused that? Peachy? Should she have taken more abuse on?

Peachy asked you not to post to her threads any more. That's my main point. And no, it's NOT a public forum. The moderators remind us of that frequently that this forum exists by the grace of the Harleys and free speech does not exist on private property! Study up on your Constitutional Law sometime dear!

There are a few things that I don't understand here. First, how come every time peachy doesn't like what someone says she tells them not to post to her anymore? I am sorry but that reminds me of my daughter trying to cover her ears when I say something she doesn't like. Most are just calling it as it is written. That is not attack.

During my recovery, many of my friends, mostly Christians, have said things I didn't want to hear. I didn't want to hear it but I needed to hear it. The points they have made have help to make me. Sometimes I need to look at myself and I need others to point this out to me. I don't like everything everyone says to me but, I don't go around with my ears covered up anymore. I ask God to change me and this is part of the change. This has set me free and gave me peace.

Another thing I don't understand is why peachy situation is considered worse than others going through separation or divorce? I could tell of all the things my husband and in-laws did to me, I could tell of how awful it was to lose my home and be homeless. I did start out like this but praise God, He put people in my life and I saw my sin and turned from this over time. That is when I truly began to heal and grow. I have read and story that are a lot worse here. She has a good home and a large amount of child support. Many don't have that. So I don't understand all the attention needed here. There are people with really big problems.

Many here have been hurt and abused. I know peachy was hurt. But who can say she has been hurt any worse than anyone else. I feel for her, not because of what has happen to her but, I feel for her because she is not growing. She is stuck up in the "poor me" game.

Everyone here has been hurt. Everyone has a story to tell. There are all kinds of betrayals.

By the way, she has also ask me not to post to her. I wonder how many are in this club. But I am posting to the rest of you. It feels great to surround yourself with people that agree with you. But isn't that what the wayward spouse does also? Just because it feels good doesn't make it right or good for you.

Yes, I have read her story from the beginning. I pray for her often. I pray for her healing. I am sure God is working. I pray she is free soon. Again, I know she has been hurt, but her story is not the worse story told or that could be told.

I also don't understand why when people post to her, other come back and ask if the poster is the OW. If not this, then they have registered a new name and post under it. No one else gets all this attention. That should say something.

I am sure I will be ask not to post again. That is all right. It will just confirm the denial and enabling here. If this post is considered an attack then so be it. To me none of this makes sense.

gentle

Feeling a little mean and nasty today Kayla? Sorry you are, but don't take it out on me. I've done nothing to you except disagree with you.

You simply refuse to see that any viewpoint other than agreeing with Peachy could be beneficial for her. No one is trying to harm her or cause her pain. She doesn't need you to mother her, she's a big girl. She can either take the advice offered or ignore it. You don't need to pick fights with those on here who don't see this the same as you. You are the only one being mean on this thread.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Five years old - they're fresh from God and they can TELL when they are around people who are not congruent with the moral code in his home. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I agree with this, but what do you think the impact will be on a child when he learns that his mother was FV 10 years ago and has condemned FV for doing exactly what she herself has done? I really think he would understand it better if there had been less focus, hate, anger and bitterness towards FV. You can teach a child right from wrong without condemning the people and making them think the person is evil. She better look at the big picture here because if Jethro thought he could hurt her by telling the child this at some point in his life, my guess is he would do it.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I was young and naive and met my STBX H when he was separated. ...in my very early 20's and from a sheltered life. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Peachy 8/2002

Peachy, I am not bringing this up to hurt you, but I cannot understand why/how you can have so much focus and hate for FV. I am not saying you need to love her, but she doesn't deserve a place in any of your thoughts - she is the least of your problems. I think if you would look at it from this view, you might find it easier to get over some of your hate and bitterness.

IT IS KILLING YOU and YOU alone. Please let FV go, please let Jethro go, and move on. You deserve so much more than this, but only you can choose more.

Well, Miss Feminine Side,

You've given me a chuckle for the day. Yes, you are picking up on the premenstrual vibes. No. I'm not being mean.

I'm simply asking you to be respectful. You were asked. You refuse. Lack of respect. Interesting way to win friends and influence people.

And no, I'm not the one being mean on this thread. When someone accuses a mother of using her child as a weapon... I call that mean.

When someone tells a mother to accept a virtual prostitute as his step mommy when that little boy, of his own spiritual awareness knows that woman is behaving badly, I call that twisted.

and this advice:
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">And he should not have negative feelings for FV (whatever this abbrev. Means), moreover for his father… Because it’s HIS father…
Because, one day he will understand… maybe do the same… “wrong choice”, divorce…</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">that's simply misguided.

I agree that Peachy needs to cut all contact with her X - he delights in twisting the knife, and I would love to see her shield herself from that. But learning HOW to do that in her situation is going to take time.

Call me "mean" if you like. Whatever. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> Sorry. I know what mean is.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

...........

... actually, if you relate my quote to becotent's post... might understand it...

errare humanum es

KA,
Don't you think you've judged a complete stranger just a little by calling her a "prostitute"? This amazes me. She might be, but I've not seen a post by even peachy saying the woman is. Why the name calling to a person you don't know?

I disagree that posting advice to Peachy is disrespectful. You choose to call it that. Now what you are doing is getting closer to disrespect to other posters on this board. Rolling eyes, making snide remarks. Only done by you Kayla.

Not sure what the quotes are about? YOu aren't quoting me. Reread. I didn't say she was using her son "as a weapon". Where did you get that from?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by TheFeminineSide:
<strong> KA,
Don't you think you've judged a complete stranger just a little by calling her a "prostitute"? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">A prostitute is someone who uses her body in a sexual way to make money. And btw, the woman is not a "complete" stranger. I have seen her picture that was posted on a radio station web site advertising a demonstration of "oral" on an all-day-sucker! The woman's public behavior would have any five-year-old child's mother going nuts at the thought that this woman is going to be "STEP" mom.

A Maxxim model is not there because she's got Christie Brinkley looks.

The rest, snide remarks.. yeah. you're probably right. end of thread jack.

<small>[ November 04, 2003, 02:40 PM: Message edited by: KaylaAndy ]</small>

just checking back in to see how this post is going. Wow, A LOT of valid points both sides have been addressed. This certinaly shows why divorce is such a crappy thing doesn't it?! AT least why the process sometimes gets so muddled. I have posted to peachy many times as well, some very supportive some very blunt. I hope Peachy if you are still along reading this that you dig all this info out and use what is relevant and useful ... I didn't say supportive or hurtful because some times we need a shake up, wake up call to get us in gear. I have also tried to put myself in your place with FV. I think that if my ex had left with OW #1 and then dumped or was dumped by OW #1 and hooked up with OW #2 (FV) I would also probably be angry with FV but for all the wrong reasons. I would only be angry if I was still harbouring the desire to reunite or to win and that's why I would not like her. Otherwise she would be no threat at this point. I think you may have, for far longer than you admit, and maybe even still now in the deep dark areas want your ex back... or is it your life that you want back? There is nothing wrong with that ... it's still normal so soon after someone leaving you. You loved him and your life was ripped out from under you but you are going to have to be honest with yourself above all to sort this out. Our fear of rejection is a powerful thing and as Emerson once said (I think it was Emerson) What you are DOING speaks so loudly I can't hear what you are SAYING. Please don't think I'm bashing you. Believe me I understand I did the same thing. For a long time. It wasn't until I finally got honest with myself that I got on with my life. There was a lot I had to admitt to myself that I was trying to hide from ME. My hurt, my anger, my FEARS. But you can't fight them if you ignor them. I know this hurts. It's a good thing it does so the smart ones among GOD's chidlren who learn their lessons don't go about repeating the pattern. Let us know how you are.
My prayers are with you.

Geez.

My son gets sick over the weekend and I continue my job hunt and get so busy that I cannot post and there is a huge controversy...

I think this topic is dead.

And for the record, I am healing nicely this week and working on me.

I do not put my son in middle of anything...In fact, I do my best to guard him from this negative situation.

My son does fine with me and I have allowed his father to call him during the week at certain times and I have encouraged him to do so.

I am actually quite offended by some of the psueudo advice given here as I don't think these people understand much at all. You may think so. But I've been here for two years and getting through things.

And doing much better. After having a while to let the FV/preggo thing sink in, I am doing much faster and beginning to detach much faster than I thought...

And yea, FV is a bad person morally. She's not somebody that I would choose OW or not that is, to be around my son due to her personal decisions in her life and think she's a poor example for any child muchless her own or mine. And as for Jethro, she can have him. He is still very broken and needs some work.

And for the guy who posted that I didn't "work on my marriage or fix the problems that were there or take responsibility for my side of the failure" I say this...When I went to 2, count em' two professional counselors, I laid it all out on the table. What and where I had supposedly failed Jethro. One was I had gained ten pounds and the other was that I didn't cook enough dinner. His complaints he had given to the first counselor during the one session he attended did not, in either counselor's opinion, warrant any of his actions...He is a guy who's out for himself and his pleasures ok? And yea, I did work on the areas he did and did a good plan A and plan B ok. That's why I came here initially. To save the marriage...

It didn't work and like those with NPD and other mental issues, he got worse...and worse...

And I would love to write more, but actually I am attending tonight a book club meeting and that's good.

So stop the controversy and work on you and if you had followed everything for the last two years, then you'd understand and know and quit the accusing.

I had gone through the darkest park of my life and needed to meet friends here to get through it. I had been the victim of spousal abuse (mental and physical) and adultery and was worn out from it.

And if a person can't find a safe place to vent their frustrations then that's bad.

Honestly, after reading some of the poop here, I am going to rethink my posting here as much. Think maybe my life needs to take a backseat and only offer good and founded advice to those hurting and who need help and who have found themselves walking in the shoes I had to walk in the last two years.

Don't throw the baby out with the bath water.

You got a lot of good advice in there between the opinions and debates.

Please read BRIDGE OUT too.

Peachy - I will pray that you get that job. You are a wonderful, bright, energetic, career & mother oriented person. Your values and morals are wonderful, and God is with you. Yes, life has been terrible for you for the last 2 years, but you are disconnecting, and moving on. Forget about Mr. Jethro and his darling OW. You know as well as the rest of us, it isn't going to last with the two of them. And shame on the two of them, if there is a baby on the way. It was made out of lust and not love. Any marriage out of an affair doesn't have a chance. It is a unnatural love, a euphoria, and Peachy, you are doing great.

Yes, some of the comments here have been tough, but look at it as words to [censored] your awakening. Look at them, and wonder what they exactly meant. I have been given harsh words, but it really doesn't mean I don't like the people, I read, reread, and am starting to realize that I see things differently, STRESS being a result of most of the disparing words. Most of the people here are here to help you, and themselves. Maybe they are asking questions to help themselves, more than you? But we all are here to help you, and learn from you! You have been a heroic woman in my eyes. Your little son has been a wonderful trooper, and the Lord has given you such strength, determination, and power. Keep on trucking, through the muddy path, The Lord will find the dryer path, and step by step you will be landing on ground that is strong, straight, and to the point. God Bless you hon, I am right behind you, and think of me as well as many others here, patting you on the back, and hugging you with all my love.

Thanks faith.

Just think this whole thing has gotten out of hand...I wish people knew me and what I am doing now..

And I did get the job...and am still looking at possibly others if they come in soon enough so that there's not some huge committment where I am going to on monday..

Alot of people have made sweeping statements without knowing me or taking the time to know that I have and am making huge steps.

I just don't want to see any more posts or comments under this thread. It's done and it's dead.

peachy, congratulations on the job! I really admire and applaud your willingness to put yourself out there the way you do by just expressing exactly how you're feeling at the time. I think this is why you got some of the responses you did - because people are responding to your vents as though they were how you were thinking and acting all the time and they don't really know what you've been through. My H is another one of the sick ones, but for now, he has disappeared - I actually got a letter from my lawyer with a copy of a fax from his lawyer asking ME to help her find him! Even that got my juices flowing, so I can only imagine how I'd be feeling and reacting if I had to deal with what you've been going through.

peachy,
I'll not post to you again. Good or bad. You only want vidication of what you want to do ... be that the right thing or not. You do not want consturctive advise. You seem to want an audiance only. I for one will not give you that. There are people on this board that want both sides of the coin so to speak so they can learn and grow. It takes both side to do that. Your response was shallow and rude. You put the sincere responders of this board in your double bind world. I will send a sincere ... good luck.

Arrrrgh.

Sorry renee. I think the responses that were made about me in my absence were quite rude.

I have posted here to VENT...I thought it was safe and that others here were here to get things off their chests and deal with them and sometimes it is simply to vent.

When I've asked for advice I have taken the good advice. I don't want an audience as there are much better ways one can get that. Trust me. I just thought this was safe. A place where I could come and work through this and heal. Initially it was a place where I had hoped I could learn real techniques to save my former marriage, but it was not to be and that's ok.

I am sorry you think I was rude..

There's been alot to get over and deal with and honestly, I try when posting to others to give some kind advice, and just be decent as let's face it...the simple fact we are posting on divorced/divorcing means that life isn't exactly the way we wish things could be and some people here need encouragement when they are having quite possibly the hardest times of their lives.