I BS 5 days ago calmly asked WH to leave. I am a homemaker with no family in the state where I live otherwise I would have been the one to leave. I would like no contact with WH during plan B but we have a son and I don't want to punish my son for what my husband has done. WH has been at his parents for 2 nights now...but comes here to see our son every night after work.

We tried plan A for 3+ months and although we had plenty of ups and downs, WH never maintained no contact with OW. No honesty etc. He has read Harley's books with me etc and had made many claims that he was trying his best.

I however, finally had enough of him having his cake and eating it too so I asked him to leave until he could commit. Letting him know I still loved him and wanted to work on our marriage but that I could no longer handle the stress.

I recently found out we are pregnant again. I was trying after just finding out about the A to meet all his needs, sexual fulfillment being one of them and now we have another baby on the way.

Last night during a phone call with WH, he admitted for the first time that despite what he was saying he knew in his heart he was not putting any effort into recovery. It was nice to hear him admit. He followed up by saying that he didn't think he could give the effort needed to make our marriage work. Not sure if he means right now or ever. I am sad and feel lonely.

I may have to face the reality of raising 2 children alone. It scares me despite how strong I know I am.

I am fearful we will not make it back to each other. He doesn't want counseling right now though I have tried to get him to go for months. And I know he will be talking to OW more than ever now. I can only pray his A dies a natural death and he finds his way back to me. I am not sure what else can be done.

At this point I would welcome any advice or encouraging words any of you can offer.

Thanks for your patience with this long post.

BH:

Hi. I to am a BS w/ two older children,14 and 7, boys. My wife has been living w/ OM 14 months. The problem is compounded by alcohol, they both are alcoholics.

I am so sorry to hear of your pain. I know how difficult this must be for you. But, we are here to help.

I know that you do not want to deprive your little son of his Father.

I guess we need to back track here and ask some questions about your Plan A. It souonds like you were in the right mode. Did you minimize LB's ?
Do you think you did Plan A to the best of your abilities? Do you think that your husband saw the changes?

If you can answer yes to this questions, it is time perhaps for you to consider Plan B. I say consider because it sounds like you have some logistics to work out. I would consult an attorney and make sure your finances were in place before attempting Plan B.

At the very minimum you need to make sure you can handle finances so the kids are taken care of properly.

It is important to remeber that you need to protect yourself,your son and your yet-to-be born from this.

Finally, are you prepared emotionally for a Plan B ? Absolutely no contact ? No waffeling? Yes, this will mean your son is deprived of his Father, but it may be the only way to regain the marriage. Do not believe too much of what he is saying right now. He is confused and in the "fog".

It really may be time for Plan B. I would seriously consider it, if I were you.

Be a Girl Scout. Be Prepared.

In Plan B you don't have to deprive your son of his father. Only your son will have to see his father somewhere other than your house and you won't be there.

Find a mutual friend who is willing to be the conduit for child information.

Worse comes to worse, you can talk to him about the child and the pregnancy. But, nothing else and no emotion.

And have the locks changed.