Just wanted to know how many people out here with kids have ex's that are manipulative and have very different views on how to raise the kids and how do deal with it?

My situation is I feel that my ex gives very conflicting opinions of me to my kids, ages 8,10. At times I know she tells them I am a good father and at other times she tells them I am selfish and for a lack of a better work "weird" when it comes to raising the kids. Her opinion that she shares is very much dependent on her mood. Prior to divorce we went to marriage counselling three times and each time when they started getting to personal for her she stopped going. One counseler said she is probably narcistic and and other said she might have borderline personality disorder. Either way it has always been an emotional roller coaster. For the most part she is a good mother.

We do differ on how to raise the kids. I would consider myself a little old fashioned with a softside. I believe kids should be respectful to grow-ups and not yell or talk back, discussing is good. They should help with the house chores and have consequences for their actions. I believe in telling my kids I love them and giving them hugs. My ex is very liniant with them and does not require that they help with chores, go to bed at a set time, or follow through with discipline. She also buys them almost anything they want. I recall a three month period where they got a playstation 2, the new advanced game boys, and new televisions for their rooms.

The difficulty I deal with is when they come down to visit they have a diffcult time adjusting. They can't understand why they get time outs, why I won't buy them anything they want, and why they need to do chores. For the record the chores I have them do is set the table, put the dishes in the sink and put their clothes in the hamper. They then go home and tell their mom and she alot of times agrees with them. I have tried to talk to her but to no avail. It is very frustrating and any kind words or suggestions to help would be appreciated.

The kids will understand what they see. If you do what you say & say what you do, then the kids will see how oyu really are. Mom tells stories, depending in her moods and the kidas will see right through that.

She says one thing about you but the kids never see that in you. Next week mom changes her mind.
After a while, what are they going to think?